Choices
by gizmo8us
Summary: Blair must figure out a way to live with the choices she's made. C/B of course.
1. Chapter 1

It was sweet.

But then he always was. It was always what he was.

His lips brushed across hers again and the word refused to leave the forefront of her thoughts.

Sweet. Tender. Loving.

That was who Nate was. Always.

When he moved to place a soft kiss to her cheek, she fought against the sudden, unreasonable urge to roll her eyes and sigh in frustration.

She clenched her teeth. Damn it ! She could do this. She could do sweet. She could do tender. This was what she wanted. It was what she needed.

She had taken too many hits lately. Yale, Chuck, the teacher from hell and the bad that came with her, Chuck, her father's obvious disappointment in her, Chuck. Yeah, it was just too much for her to deal with.

Nate was perfect. He was the stand up guy. He was Prince Charming. He was everything she was supposed to want.

She would not give that up. She would not turn away from this.

She couldn't even figure out why she wanted to so badly.

He was nuzzling her neck now and it was warm and nice and gentle.

And it was supposed to be what she wanted. So she clenched her hands into fists and dug them into his hair. She would make this work.

This was the right thing to do. She may have failed at Yale. She may have disappointed everyone and let them down. But she wouldn't, couldn't let them down again. This was what was expected of her. And she absolutely would see this through.

He shuffled her backwards and she let him until she felt the mattress against the backs of her knees. Then she sat down and pulled him down with her.

Kneeling in front of her, he took both her hands in his and kissed them as he peered up at her through his curtain of dark blond bangs." Are you sure this is what you want, Blair ?" His voice was soft and sincere and she forced herself not to wish there was more gravel in it. She forced herself not to wish he would just take her if he wanted her instead of asking her permission.

So she nodded and laid back, crawling as she did until her head reached the fluffy pillow on the bed.

He followed her, stretching his body out beside her and tenderly laying a hand on her stomach. A warm hand that needed to be a few degrees warmer to be perfect. A hand that needed to be firmer and much more roving to be what she really wanted.

NO ! She shouted silently in her head. I will not do this. Nate is who I want. Nate is what I want. Nate is my future.

She repeated the words over and over as he began to kiss her again. A kiss that was tender and sweet and left her feeling tranquil and serene and not at all like she wanted to be feeling at the moment.

She cringed inwardly when his hand slowly began to move upward, as if he were waiting for her to stop him at any moment.

He didn't grope her, he caressed her. He didn't nip at her skin, he delicately kissed it.

She dropped her head to the pillow and closed her eyes, trying to block out the images her mind was creating. She vaguely noted that he was unbuttoning her shirt and drawing his hand along her bare chest as he did.

She loved Nate. She had always loved Nate. The images in her mind were the worst kind of betrayal. She was a horrible person for thinking that he wasn't undressing her fast enough, ripping at her clothing until it was in taters around her. She was terrible for wishing he would just bit her hard enough to mark her as his. She was certainly going to hell for wanting him to grab her and just take her whether she wanted him to or not.

Nate is my future, the words had somehow lost their meaning although she clung to them like a mantra. Over and over.

Her eyes fluttered opened slowly when he leaned away from her and she watched as he pulled his beige, three hundred dollar sweater over his head and let it fall gracefully to the bed beside him. He glanced at it laying there in a heap and she thought for the briefest of moments that he was going to pick it up and fold it.

But he didn't, thank god.

She reached a shaking hand out and let it play over his tanned, toned, athletic body. She bumped her fingers over his muscles and the words in her head were screaming at her that it was wrong. There was too much muscle there, not nearly enough hair. Certainly the sparse hair that was there wasn't dark enough. Even the trail that lead down the middle of his stomach and disappeared in his pants was a mere dusting and it was almost invisible in its blondness.

She let her hand fall and turned her gaze to the side, searching for something that would make this right for her. She needed something to hold on to, something to sink herself into.

Was this how the rest of her life would be ? Would she always be looking up at Nate and wishing, praying he were different. Paler, less muscled, more hair, darker hair, with skin that tingled her fingers and set her flesh on fire when it slid against hers.

Her eyes fell to the antique table that matched her bed. The one that held her diary and her alarm clock and all her other sleeping essentials. And there it was, right beside her black velvet sleeping mask.

It was paisley, for fuck's sake. She hated paisley. The red and blue flashes of color grabbed her eyes.

When had Chuck left his scarf ? And why in God's name hadn't she returned it ?

Of course she knew the answers to both those questions. He had left it the night they stayed awake until dawn plotting against Georgina.

The night she had woken up in his arms. The first night she had ever woken up in his arms.

She was so lost in her thoughts that she jumped in startled surprise when Nate leaned up and engulfed one of her nipples in the warmth of his mouth.

She held her breath. This was it. Surely he would get this right. But his tongue easily swirled around her nipple before he released it and moved to her other breast.

She groaned, not meaning to make the noise out loud, but Nate took it as a sign of approval and repeated the not all together unpleasant move with her other nipple.

It wasn't as if what he was doing wasn't nice. It was very nice. It was pleasant and gentle and she could hardly help but feel loved and cherished and adored.

But God help her ! She snatched at the blankets under her with tightly closed fists. She didn't want to be made love to. She just wanted him to fu-!

She sat straight up in bed, dislodging him with the violence of the movement and startling herself enough to stop the thought in its tracks before it went any further.

" Are you okay ? " Nate asked, resting a hand on her shoulder gingerly. " Did I do something wrong?"

She bit her lip, pleading with her mouth to make the right words come out instead of the ones she wanted to say.

" No, Nate." She shook her head as she gave him a placating smile. " It isn't you."

" Then what is it ? If something's wrong just tell me." He told her quietly. " I'll do it differently. I'll do it however you want."

" Everything is fine." She tried to reassure him.

Then she shrugged the shirt the rest of the way off her shoulders and laid back against her soft, satin comforter again.

" Are you sure everything's okay ?" He asked quietly as he eyed her.

She reached her hand up and ran it slowly down his chest, letting her fingers glide over his ribs until she stopped at his waistband. Once there she lingered for a moment and played with the material of his pants. Then she slipped her finger in between his stomach and his slacks and dragged it around until she met with his button.

Her eyes jumped to his face as she slid it slowly through the hole that was made for it. A moment later she was grasping the metal tab of his zipper and gliding down it down gradually.

His stomach sunk in for an instant as his breath hitched while his eyes remained locked on hers. He was completely still as her hands slid to his hips and eased the khaki colored material down.

He pulled away just long enough to take the pants the rest the way off, standing beside the bed to do so.

And she watched in horrible disbelief as he snatched them from the floor and laid them neatly over the back of the lace covered chair resting in front of her vanity.

He just folded his pants. He folded his fucking pants. Here I am, sitting naked in front of him from the waist up and he's folding his pants.

Then he just stood there clad in nothing but his boxers for a long while, simply staring at her as she stared back at him. Neither of them moved, neither said a word. They just stared, wide-eyed and almost fearful.

I have to stop this, she told herself furiously. I have to make this work.

She moved from the bed, coming to within a hair's breath from touching him and reached a finger to his hand. She traced over the back of it and up his arm, slowly, so very slowly. His eyes were following her movements. When she reached his shoulder, she glided over it and around his neck until her hand was buried in his hair. Her other hand quickly followed just as her lips fell on his.

She wasn't easy or smooth or tender in her kiss. She flung her body into his and poured as much fire and passion as she could muster into her movements.

He responded quickly, tugging her even further into him and wrapping his arms around her waist. Her hands moved from his hair back to his shoulders as she broke the kiss and let her lips delve down to his throat. She let her tongue graze over the rough stumble and it nearly touched on painful and she was grateful. Finally she was feeling something. Finally there was something there. She could work with that.

As she made her way to the base of his throat he made a faintly choking sound as she nipped at the sensitive flesh. His arms tightened even more and his breath caught when she bit a touch harder.

He took her shoulders in his hands and pulled her away from him. " Blair," He panted. " What was that?"

" What ?" She asked, wide-eyed innocence written all over her face. " You didn't like it ?"

He shook his hair. " No, actually it hurt."

Her eyes fell to the floor and she fought back a surge of out-of-nowhere tears that were suddenly stinging the corners of her eyes.

" I'm sorry. I didn't mean for it to hurt." She told him, as she tried to break away from him completely.

" It's okay. Just not so hard next time." He pulled her into him again and gathered her into his chest.

She let herself be encouraged by his movements and tried to remind herself to be more careful with him.

Careful ! Her mind screamed. This wasn't the time to be careful. It was supposed to be wild and carefree, thunderous and consuming.  
She certainly wasn't feeling very consumed at the moment. In fact, if she wasn't vehemently lying to herself, she would have to admit that she was almost bored.

God !, she berated herself, there is a gorgeous man standing in your arms wearing nothing but his underwear and kissing you like you are the most priceless thing in the world and you're bored. How could she possibly be bored with Nate ? He was perfect. He was tender and loving and everything a woman is supposed to want in a man. She would not allow herself to be bored. This was ridiculous.

As a further testament to her preoccupation, she suddenly realized that they were back to lying on the bed. His leg was draped over hers and he was looming above her kissing his way down her neck. She hadn't even realized they had moved.

Biting her lip, she pushed her hands back into his hair and dragged his mouth back to hers. As she arched her back into his chest, she latched onto to his lips and tried to urge his mouth open with her tongue, hoping that maybe he would get the hint. When the tip of her tongue only brushed over his closed lips she involuntarily tightened her hands into fists in frustration. In the process, pulling his hair a trifle roughly.

He gasped and jerked back in reaction. Her eyes went wide and she automatically began to mumble apologizes. His face soften as the I'm sorries fell from her lips and began to smooth her hair with his fingertips as he gazed down into her face so romantically.

Her treacherous mind wasn't helping as it conjured up an image of the last time she had pulled a man's hair. Chuck had nearly come undone as her hand tangled in his dark hair. And tightening her grip had only caused him to clutch her tighter, to slam into her harder.

She gasped as her brain continued its instant replay of that time. When she did she realized that Nate was again fondling her breast and again he was taking her response as a sign of approval.

Suddenly she realized that she could indeed do this. She could make this work. Would it be so wrong? Would it make her a horrible person ? Was her imagination even strong enough to convince her it was true ?

His mouth dropped to the spot between her breast and she sucked in a breath. It was one of the most sensitive spots on her body. Chuck had found it the first time they were together in the limo and he used to knowledge to his advantage over and over again.

She waited, hoping that maybe Nate would finally touch her the way she needed to be touched. If he would just drag his teeth over her skin, just suck at that particular spot instead of brushing his lips over it or caressing it with his tongue.

Her chest arched into his mouth in triumph as he began to suck at her flesh. It wasn't hard enough. He didn't stay there long enough but she could work with it.

" Is that what you want ?" He asked, looking up at her over the mound of her breast.

" God, yes." She sighed as his fingers fell over her breast and began to tug at her nipple just a trifle roughly.

Then his mouth replaced his fingers and he bit down on her nipple hard enough to make her cry out.

" I'm sorry." He said, quickly. " I didn't mean to hurt you."

" It's okay." She assured him. " Just not quite so hard."

He tried again, exacting much less pressure this time and driving her crazy with frustration. First he was too hard, now not hard enough. This was never going to work.

Suddenly he was gone and she snatched her eyes open to search him out.

She found him standing beside the bed, grabbing his pants from the back of her chair.

" I can't do this, Blair." He answered her question before she had a chance to ask it.

" What ?" She gasped, grabbing at her shirt to keep herself from feeling so suddenly vulnerable." Why not ?"

" I'm not him. I can't be him. And I'm not going to try." He told her as he snatched up his sweater and began to straighten it so he could put it back on.

" I don't know what you're talking about." She lied.

He rolled his eyes at her feeble attempt. " Nate, please." She said, untangling herself from the bed and grabbing his arm. " I don't want him. I don't want you to try to be him. I just want you."

" We have done nothing but make each other crazy all night. Obviously this isn't the right time for this. Maybe we can try again tomorrow." He glanced at the clock beside her bed. " I should be getting home anyway. It's late."

She thought about stopping him. She thought about begging him to stay, begging him to try again. But something inside her wouldn't make the words came out and instead she watched, horrified as he laid a soft kiss to her forehead and quietly slipped from the room.

The door was barely closed before her phone was in her hand.


	2. Chapter 2

" What's up ?" Blair's best friend's voice asked a moment later.

" S, I need you. Please. This is horrible. Everything's wrong." She wailed into the receiver.

" Blair, calm down. It's okay. What happened ? Did you have a fight with Nate ?" Serena asked soothingly.

" He was here and I don't want to talk about it over the phone. Can I come over ?"

There was a short pause on the other end and Blair was beginning to wonder if possibly she was interrupting her friend in the middle of actives similar to the ones she had planned for the evening.

" I'm not sure you want to do that, actually." Serena answered finally.

" What ? Why not ? I need to talk to you." Blair insisted.

" Can this wait until tomorrow ?"

" Of course it can't wait. It's too terrible to wait."

" B, I'm actually kind of busy at the moment." Serena said in a low voice.

Then she heard a scuffle and the voice that come on the phone next was certainly not Serena. " She's trying to tell you that I'm home tonight and since you're avoiding me at all costs, you might not want to be here." Chuck informed her, with amusement lacing his voice. " But seeing as how you're in need of an ear, you can always just tell me all about your disastrous evening with the great Nate."

" I am not avoiding you, Bass. I couldn't care less where you are or what your doing. Tell Serena I'm on my way over." She snapped quickly, refusing to let him keep her from her friend.

Then she clicked the phone shut before he could reply.

The elevator seemed to creep as it made its climb up to the penthouse. It was taking forever and she was anxious to unload her worries on her forever-patient best friend. She hadn't seen as much of Serena in the last few days as she should have. Chuck had actually been rather insightful when he said she'd been avoiding him. She had been. She didn't want him to know that, but it was true. She just couldn't deal with Chuck at this point in her life. Closing the door on her feelings for him had been harder than she thought possible. But she couldn't let him put her through anymore pain. It was over. She had had enough and ending things as abruptly as she had, seemed the only way it made sense. They started out in a fiery blaze. It seemed fitting they should end that way as well.

It was over. She needed it to stay that way. She couldn't allow it to continue when all she ever got out of trying to be close to him was more hurt and torment.

She had to make things work with Nate. He was her future. Being with Nate meant that she had actually managed to make one part of her life go according to plan and Blair was all about the plan.

Since she was little all she had done was plan the way her life would go. She planned her college days at Yale. She planned her beautiful wedding to Nate. She planned exactly how many children she wanted to have and at what age she wanted to have them. She planned every little detail of her life down to the very last.

The fact that parts of the plans were now out of her reach only meant that she had to work harder to make the rest of the plans work out right. And Nate was an intricate part of her plan. Chuck was absolutely not.

For a time she had begun, in a very private, quiet corner of her mind, to alter the plan concerning Nate.

For the briefest moment in time she thought that perhaps Chuck was supposed to be the leading man in the story of her life. But she was done with childishness.

The loss of Yale meant that she absolutely had to put the rest of her plan into play. There could be no more alterations. No more detours. She could adjust the plan to not include Yale. She could not adjust it to not include both Yale and Nate. There would be no plan left.

And she had no idea how to go about the rest of her life without a plan.

At long last, the elevator finally came to a stop and the doors slid opened with a quiet hiss. She stepped out quickly and looked around, expecting Serena to be waiting for her.

Instead, leaning against the door frame that lead to the living room, dressed in his normal attire, this time it was a plush royal purple suit minus the jacket, his black shirt sleeves folded around his strong forearms, was Chuck.

His smile was slow and easy, smooth and confident. In his hand he held a small tumbler of scotch.

She tried not to watch as he brought it to his lips and took a long sip.

He was Clark Gable or Marlon Brando, or maybe Humphrey Bogart, standing there, carelessly leaning, striking a pose for her as he watched her walk out of the elevator.

" My, this is a surprise." He drawled, his voice low and casual.

She ignored the way it played over her skin and raised goosebumps over her flesh.

" I'm not here to see you, Bass. Where is Serena ?" She demanded, looking past him, trying to spy her friend.

" Brooklyn called and she went running. Some friend." He tsked.

" She left !" She asked, astonished at how casual her friend seemed to be taking her tragedy. " How could she just leave when I told her how much I needed her ?"

Chuck removed himself from the wall, stretching to his full height and came towards her, with a swagger to his hips that almost stole her attention. When he was within a hair's breath from touching her, he paused and gave her his signature leer. " What you need is a drink. Not Serena. What good would it do you to cry on someone's shoulder ? You should be more proactive than that. Get revenge on the Bastard for whatever he did to you." He quirked his eyebrows as he studied her face, letting her know that he was happy to be the vessel for her revenge if she wanted him to be.

She steeled herself with a deep breath and turned on her heel, but before she could walk away he grabbed her arm and held her in place, whether because of the pressure of his grip or the heat in his touch, she had no idea.

" Where are you going ?" He asked, holding her in place.

" Home. If Serena isn't here I have no reason to be here either." She said in a far stronger voice than she was feeling.

He turned her with a slight pressure on her shoulder and she found herself standing within the heat of his body. " Now that isn't true. I'm still here." He breathed against her neck.

" Chuck," she whispered, her resolve crumbling despite herself. " I'm with Nate now."

" I don't care." He answered, stepping even closer, letting his chest brush against hers.

" I'm not leaving him." His lips were so close they brushed hers when she spoke.

His arm circled her waist and splayed over the middle of her back. " I don't care." He repeated.

She studied his face for a moment to try to surmise whether he was serious or not and what she found there gave her no other choice. In the next moment, she let out a low groan as her lips found his and his tongue was plundering her mouth. His arms tighten around her making breathing difficult but she couldn't seem to find the resolve to care as long as he was kissing her so deeply.

The release she had been searching for all evening was there, capturing her, carrying her away as his fingertips dug into her flesh.

His hands were sliding along her back, raising her shirt as he moved and brushing the revealed skin with his oh-so-hot fingertips. She thought they might be moving, but she couldn't tell and she couldn't pull back from him to find out for sure.

Finally, Yes ! Her mind cried out in silent triumph as he dipped his head down and nipped at her throat, just hard enough to make her squirm, the perfect amount of pressure to drive her insane.

Her fingers were in his hair, pulling and clawing at the thick, black softness of it. His hard chest was pushing against her breasts while his fingers fumbled with the clip holding her hair back out of her face.

Finally, in frustration he let the clip go and growled into her neck, " Take it down."

Obliging, she grabbed the clip and quickly unsnapped it, letting her hair fall on it own as she threw her head back. She barely registered the clip tumbling from her fingers and landing on the thick, white carpet soundlessly.

Opening her eyes, she found herself staring at the ceiling for a moment, but then lowered her head and noticed fleetingly, that they had in fact been moving. He'd managed to maneuver them down the hall and into his room without her even realizing it. The breathlessness that had plagued her since his lips first touched hers was making her dizzy and she pushed at his shoulders, moving him far enough away for her to take a deep breath.

As she filled her lungs with wonderful, fresh oxygen, the reality of what she was doing began to sink into her brain.

Chuck's head was ducked to her breasts, nipping at her nipples through her bra. She had no idea where her shirt had gone and for a moment, she looked around for it in alarm, until she spied it laying on the floor behind them.

" Chuck," She whispered into the silence, she tried to make her voice sound strong, but it just came out in a breathy sort of groan.

He ignored her and let his hands find the closure for her bra. After unhooking it with a practiced skill it fell away as well, joining her shirt in the pile at their feet.

" Chuck," She repeated more forcefully this time.

" Blair, " He answered distractedly as he found her exposed nipple and began to suck on it intently.

She struggled in his grasp, her own inner conflict mirroring her outer one. She tried to escape his arms, all the while she was arching her back into his mouth and panting so hard she was seeing stars.

_Talk about mixed signals_, she thought to herself.

Finally, summoning up strength she had no idea she was capable of, she launched herself from his arms, stumbling slightly at the loss of help in keeping her balance.

" I can't do this." She explained to his confused, startled expression. " We can't do this."

He gave her a sly, lopsided smile. " I think we were doing just fine."

Stepping back to her, his arms encircled her once again, but this time, she held him back, keeping him far enough away that she could still manage to think a little.

" But Nate. We can't do this to Nate. He's your best friend. He's my boyfriend." She continued, despite his efforts, in the form of his palm holding her bare breast, thumb scrapping over the nipple deliciously, to shut her up.

" We can do this." He answered, looking into her eyes briefly. " This is what you need."

" How do you know what I need ?" She demanded, pushing him back again and actually taking a few steps away from him this time.

" I always know what you need, Blair." He rasped, closing the space again.

It was as if they were dancing, she taking one step back, while he followed by taking two steps forward. She felt like an antelope being hunted by a lion. No matter what effort she made to escape, he was always right there, close enough to pounce.

" Don't you see how perfect this is ?" He asked her, his breath on her shoulder raising goosebumps all the way down to her toes. " You can have your cake and eat it, too."

Her hand was resting on his shoulder, once again, she struggled between her urge to push him away or draw him in closer. Pushing him away finally won out and went to the king-sized bed in the center of the room and sat on the edge.

" What is that supposed to mean ?" She asked, trying to figure out the logic of his last statement.

He came to her again, this time kneeling in front of her and placing his hands on her nylon covered thighs. " It means, I know I can't make you happy out there. I know you need Nate in the real world. But I also know that he can't make you happy in here." Now his breath was brushing over her inner thighs as he spoke and she had to force herself to concentrate on what he was saying. " You need me in here. You need him out there. I'm offering you a chance to have it all."

" But this is wrong. You told me this was all just a game to you." She protested, though her hands had found his hair and she was brushing her fingers through it again.

His mouth was tasting her delicately, moving slowly up her thigh, pushing her skirt up as he went, exposing her flesh an inch at a time.

" This is my chance to win this game." He announced, before pausing to suck for a second. " My prize is in knowing that you need me like this. That you want me so badly you can barely stand it. That's my win."

He had, at last, found the tops of her garters and his fingers were playing along the edges.

" And you think Nate is going to go along with this arrangement ?" She gasped as he grabbed hold of the top of the left one and started to gently roll it down.

He paused when he came to her foot and took time to softly suckle her ankle as he removed the hose.

" I wasn't planning on informing him of this arrangement. This is between us. He doesn't really need to know, now does he ?" He had started rolling down the right one now and t she tried to form a coherent answer even as he took her right ankle into his mouth.

" This is wrong." She repeated, wondering why she was still arguing with him. He obviously had this whole plan worked out without her input. And it all sounded so reasonable when he explained while his lips did luscious things to her body.

He rose abruptly, dropping her foot and insinuating his body between her knees. They parted willingly for him, betraying her inner turmoil and wrapping around him possessively.

" How is this wrong ? You get what you need. I get what I want and Nate gets what he wants. I think this is the perfect solution to all our problems." He answered, taking her breast again and palming it like he had earlier.

" How is Nate getting what he wants ?" She still couldn't just drop it all and succumb to him.

He leaned back slightly and let his hands fall to her hips, cupping them in the warmth of his hands, he tugged her more firmly against him. " He gets a happy girlfriend. I think, if you asked him, he'd tell you that that is something he really wants. Besides, come on now, Blair. You came here for this."

She gasped and pulled back. " What ? I came here to see Serena. That's why I'm here. I didn't come here for this."

He chuckled. " You came to see Serena in black stockings and a garter belt, wearing the sexiest black lace underwear I can imagine ?"

Her mind went instantly to the moments before she left her apartment. Had she really thought about what she was wearing before she left ? Had she unconsciously dressed hoping he'd see her like this ?

No, she thought, honestly, I didn't do it unconsciously. She remembered deliberately changing her clothes before she left. She remembered sliding the stockings on, hoping, somewhere in the farthest recesses of her mind that he would be taking them off of her. She remembered digging through her lingerie drawer until she came across the black lace bra and matching panties. She had bought them for her doomed trip to Tuscany. She had bought them with Chuck in mind. And she had worn them with him in mind as well.

He was still as he watched her face, giving her time to be honest with herself. Patiently waiting for her to figure out that he was right.

When she did, he must have recognized it on her face, because his lips found hers again and his tongue was sliding over the roof of her mouth without another word.

Finally, she yielded to him, let him carry her away to a place where thinking was no longer necessary.

She was sure that the lack of oxygen caused from sex with Chuck would have some sort of long term effect on her, but at the moment, as she struggled with the buttons on his black, button down shirt, she just didn't care.

He pulled away from her with an abruptness that made her fling her hands out to try to draw him back in, the lack of his warmth was startling. But he maneuvered out of her arms and legs and stood up.

His pants were gone quickly along with his shirt. Then he grabbed her skirt and she assisted him, by lifting her hips from the bed so he could discard it.

Now the only thing between them was her black thong and he promptly divested her of that as well.

Then he was over her, hovering just above her face with a hand on either side of her head to support his weight. The dark, coarse hair of his chest brushed her nipples roughly and she sighed in contentment at the sensation.

" Tell me what you want." He whispered quietly.

Her arms circled his shoulders and she dug her fingernails into his flesh. " I need you, Chuck." She groaned as she squirmed under him. " I need you so bad."

Her legs were instinctively wrapped around his waist, and she tightened her thigh muscles, pulling him firmly against her heat. He was poised just at her entrance, waiting for something, torturing her to the point of madness. She raised her hips in an effort to get what she wanted, what she needed so badly, but he was ready for the tacit and held himself back.

"Tell me what you want." He repeated with a growl into her neck before he bit her with painfully delicious force.

" I want you." She panted as her hands found his waist. " Make love to me, Chuck."

He shook his head negatively. " You have Nate for that. Tell me." He insisted and she knew what he wanted to hear immediately.

She grabbed his face between her hands and drew his eyes to hers. Staring deeply into their nearly black depth, smoldering in their desire, she arched her back and raised her hips, catching him off guard and impaling herself on his length. " Fuck me." She whispered, delighting as he surged forward, no longer able to control himself once the words fell from her lips.

That was what he needed, a way to distance himself, to keep everything physical between them. She was happy to oblige. It was what she needed as well.

He plunged inside her with a force that caused her teeth to snapped together and jarred her entire body. It was hard and quick and punishing and exactly what she needed him to be.

She cried out when he shifted, grabbed her thighs and lifted them so he could get a better angle. He was so deep inside her she felt as if they were fused together at her core.

Clinging to him, she raised her hips over and over, moving in concert with him, their bodies found a perfect synchronization together.

His chest heaved along with hers, their hearts hammering in sync.

" God, Blair," He panted, looking down into her face with a look that made something inside her stop working altogether. There was lust there, a heat so intense it burned into her soul, but it was something else that caused the reaction. Something in his eyes that she hadn't ever seen before, deep and far more powerful than the primal wantonness she always saw when he looked at her.

She closed her eyes for a moment, trying to commit the look to memory so she could take the image out later and study at more leisure. Right then wasn't the time.  
Her body jerked suddenly, the released she had so longed for taking her by surprise with its power and swiftness. And as she tensed around him, he spasmed as well, letting her carry him down with her.

* * *

She didn't remember falling asleep. But she knew the moment she awoke that she wasn't in her own bed. For the briefest of seconds, she thought it was Nate wrapped around her so tightly, entwined so completely they were nothing more than a jumble of arms and legs. But the body behind her was far too hot to be Nate's. She was far more comfortable and content than she had ever been laying in Nate's arms.

There was only one person in the world that could inspire feelings in her to that depth. She must have shifted, either that or he sensed the change in her breathing that waking incurred, because he tighten his arms around her in his sleep and tucked his head more firmly into her shoulder.

She should leave. She had no business being where she was and suddenly the feeling of guilt inside her were almost more than she could take.

Her eyes stung with a flush of sudden tears and she raised a hand to bat them away.

But the hand was caught in mid motion by a far stronger one and his fingers threaded through hers as he lowered it back to her side.

" You're thinking again." He whispered into the darkness and his voice startled her with its unexpectedness.

" I'm a terrible, horrible person." She breathed out between silent sobs. " I can't believe we just did that."

He turned her in his arms and kissed her while ignoring the tears streaming down her cheeks. " You are not a horrible person."

" But I love Nate." She argued.

" This," He kissed her again, " has nothing to do with that."

She pulled away and sat up, bringing the black silk sheet with her as she did. A moment later she felt the bed shift and his arms were back around her an instant later. " Don't do this to yourself. This is a good thing. The perfect solution."

She nodded, not really meaning it and wiped at her tears. " I should be going."

" Will you be back ?" He asked, stopping her as she reached the end of the bed. Bright moonlight lit the room almost as brightly as a candle and she could see his brow furrowed in concern over her answer.

" Do you really care if I come back or not ?" She asked, still clinging to the sheet.

He ducked his head and looked away from her, his gaze finding something interesting on the floor. "More than I want to." He admitted after a moments pause.

She went back to him and kissed him tenderly, her lips flitting over his gently. Then she ran her fingers through his hair, smoothing it from his beautiful, chiseled face and gave him a tiny smile. " I'll be back."

" Promise? " He asked, dragging her against him for a more intimate parting kiss.

When she finally pulled away, she nodded softly. " Promise." She whispered in agreement.

And as she stood, moments later, waiting on the elevator doors to slid open and allow her entrance, she knew it was true. She would be back. She had no other options. In order for her plan to work, she needed help. And Chuck was the only person in the world that could give it to her.


	3. Chapter 3

Nataniel Archibald walked unerringly, weaving in and out of the various crowds of people, his steps full of purpose with a clear destination in mind. He needed to unwind, needed to relax. He flexed the muscles of his shoulders and felt the tension that was always present in them recently, tightening and arching with the movement, as if the weight of the world was resting there. And sometimes it seemed that was exactly right. The weight of his entire world, at least, rested on his broad shoulders.

His grandfather was still trying to see him, had called him several times in the past few days in fact. Nate didn't want to talk to the man. He had nothing to say to him. After finding out he was responsible for his father's investigation, Nate was through with the man, for now at least.

Something in the back of his mind told him that later, when he was older and could look back on the whole thing more clearly, he would realize that his grandfather had been right. But for now, he was done.

And there was Blair. He had hoped that reconciling would be easy for the two of them. They had shared so much of their past together. She was his first.... well almost everything. Guilt still plagued him over his one stupid, drunken mistake with Serena. But he also knew that, when she first came back, if she had so much as wiggled an eyebrow in his direction, he would have been back at her side before he could really think about it. He didn't love her. He wasn't totally sure he had ever really been in love. He was infatuated with her. That carefree, recklessness that was her trademark drew him to her like a moth to a flame.

But it was quickly understood that she had no intentions of rekindling their brief romance and if nothing else, Nate could take a hint.

He let his mind drift as he continued towards the one place in the world he could just be himself without any airs, without judgment, the one place he always knew he could be free. He wondered, for a moment how he had ever managed to find himself with Blair back in his arms. He certainly hadn't planned on it. He had even convinced himself that maybe she belonged with his best friend, Chuck. She clearly brought out the best in the man. And Nate, who knew him better than anyone else in the world, had been amazed that Chuck possessed a GOOD side. But it had been there for a short time, amazing them all as he looked at Blair with such startling intensity and devotion. Of course, if any one of their intimate circle of friends had told Chuck about that look, he would have fervently denied it.

He found himself smiling as he thought back to the day of Chuck's father and Serena's mother wedding. Chuck had admitted it out loud. Albeit, it wasn't something he had planned to say. That was clear from the look on his face the moment after the words came out. And he definitely hadn't meant to say them to Nate, since Blair was still Nate's in everyone's mind, at least.

Nate never, ever, not a million lifetimes, thought he would ever hear those particular words leave that mouth.

" I love her, Man."

It still sounded so alien, even in his memory. Chuck loved Blair. And everyone knew Blair was in love with Chuck. It seemed the only people who weren't aware of what was happening between the two were, well.... Chuck and Blair.

The death of Chuck's father had destroyed everything that they might have had between them. Or maybe Chuck had done that all on his own way before the tragedy that sent him spiraling down into a bottomless pit of self-loathing, drunkenness and devastation.

God, how he admired the people he had chosen to surround himself with. The strength of character in each of them was awe-inspiring, especially considering how young they all were.

Serena was and always would be exactly who she was. She never let anyone put labels on her, never let anyone try to make her something she wasn't. She knew who she was and she was very happy with it. You just didn't find that kind of confidence in many seventeen-year-olds.

Blair, Ah, His Blair. For all her faults the one thing that she was, was fiercely loyal. There was nothing, absolutely nothing she wouldn't or hadn't done for any one of the people in her life that she loved. The way she had continued to stand by Chuck after his father's death, looking out for him, being there for him, even while Chuck was spitting in her face, that was beyond his comprehension. She was terrifying in her protectiveness of her friends and lovers. Blair was the kind of friend everyone dreamed of having, the one that had your back, no matter what. And she had proven that time and time again.

And then there was Chuck. Nate had feared for a time that he had truly lost Chuck. The wreckage of the man Nate had called his best friend since grade school after his father's death was soul shattering to watch. And he had been as helpless as everyone else to do anything to stop it. Even Blair, who could apparently break through his walls so easily under normal circumstances, had finally had to walk away.

Then one day, he just returned to life, as if nothing had happened. Suddenly, as if someone had flipped a switch, all the ruination, the destitution was gone and Chuck was Chuck once again. There hadn't been an intervention, though there were talks among them about it, there hadn't been a light-dawning dramatic moment where everything was hashed out and dealt with.

One night he had fallen into his normal drunken stupor and the next morning he had emerged, all on his own, without outside help, well groomed, well dressed and fully back in control of himself.

Nate knew that he would never have been strong enough to pull himself out of the depth that Chuck had sank into. He knew if the situation was reversed, he would have been lost forever.

Chuck had always been the stronger of them, maybe not physically, but definitely in his soul, where it mattered.

The elevators doors dinged and the object of his latest musing stepped out of the living room with a scotch in his hand, dressed in a dark gray striped suit with a blue tie. His hair was perfectly in place and all in all, he looked rather tame for Chuck's normal standards.

" Nataniel, I was beginning to think you'd forget where I lived." He smiled as he sipped his scotch casually.

Nate shrugged as he glanced at the watch on his wrist and gave Chuck a speculative look. " It's one thirty in the afternoon and you're already drinking ?"

Chuck shrugged right back and gave him a smile. " I'm sorry I missed the memo announcing you as my new mother."

Lily Bass stepped up behind Chuck and she casually reached around and snatched the drink from is hand without missing a beat. " Well, you didn't miss the one where I am." She announced. " Really Charles, isn't it a little early for this ?"

Chuck didn't say anything but he didn't try to take the drink back either, which surprised Nate. He had half expected him to.

Lily moved down the hall and retreated into her office with the drink still in her hand.

" So what do I owe this pleasure ?" Chuck asked, ushering him into the living room, where he stopped at the bar and poured himself a fresh glass of scotch.

Nate looked at the glass with a smile. " I was hoping we could hang out for a while. I feel like I never get to see you anymore."

" It has been a while. So what are you thinking ? Maybe some basketball or perhaps lunch ? Have you eaten ?" Chuck inquired, stretching his frame over the end of the couch.

" I was thinking we could stay in, order something and grab a movie." Nate answered, hoping Chuck would take the hint.

His leering smile said he had heard every word, and more importantly, he had read between the lines. " You came here to get high." Chuck announced. " I thought you told Blair you quit."

He sat up a little straighter at hearing her name on Chuck's lips and an unreasonable stab of jealousy surged through him. " I did. But how do you know what I told Blair ?"

Chuck quirked his eyebrows at Nate's changed postured. " Last time I offered you a joint, you said 'no, I promised Blair I would quit.'."

Nate sat back and sank into the plush cushions of the couch. " Sorry."

" For what ?" Chuck asked.

" Just, you know." Nate shrugged his shoulders yet again.

Chuck stood and nodded his head towards the hall. " Let's go in here. I promised Lily I quit, too."

Nate chuckled at his back as he followed him to his room.

***********

Thirty minutes later, Chuck Bass lounged over the foot of his bed, comfortably numb and watching his best friend with a curious interest out of the corner of his eye.

Nate seemed older to him for some reason lately. Granted they hadn't spent much time together in the last few months. And Chuck admitted that part of that was his fault. He hadn't really realized exactly how hard it would be to watch Nate with Blair on his arm. He hadn't realized how hard letting her go was going to be.

" You just let me win." Nate announced, looking over at him in disbelief.

" I'm sorry," Chuck answered, realizing suddenly that the game they were playing was indeed over and he had lost. " I guess I got distracted."

" It's been a long time since I had the chance to kick your ass. So it's cool. I almost never get to beat you." Nate smiled at him so innocently.

How could he not see that he had won the only thing that matter between them ?

Chuck tossed the control to the side and fell onto his back on the bed. Nate, resting his back against the foot of the bed, let himself slid down and drift to the floor with a soft thump.

" This is exactly what I needed." Nate announced from directly under Chuck's head.

" You have seemed a little tense lately. Is something going on with you ?" Chuck tried to edge the conversation towards the one subject he was interested in. He wanted to hear from Nate exactly what had happened the night before and hoped that his friend trusted him enough to confide in him.

" Ah, you know, my grandfather and ..." His voice trailed off for a moment, until he finally added, "And Blair and I have been having a few issues."

" Are you still not taking your grandfather's calls ?" Chuck asked, not wanting to grab hold of her name the second it escaped his lips.

" No, I'm not. I guess Eventually I'll forgive him but not yet."

Chuck's thoughts darkened and his mind instantly wondered back to the night before. Nate was lying on the exact spot Chuck had tossed Blair's shirt. A sudden flash of guilt nearly suffocated him, but he beat it down before it got out of hand and he said something stupid.

" Betrayal is a hard thing to get past." He muttered almost under his breath.

" It's not my grandfather really. That's not what's bothering me." He paused and looked up at Chuck for a moment, studying his dazed expression. " Are you really okay with this ? Is this something we can talk about now ?"

Chuck blinked at him in an attempted at innocence. Then narrowed his eyes again. " Oh, you mean, Blair. Yes, Nathanial you can talk about Blair. You won. I lost. Sometimes that's just the way things go."

Nate gave him a raised eyebrow as if he only half believed him. " Well, it's just that ...." He repositioned himself so he could look up Chuck more easily. " Nothing I do seems right. It's like she's expecting something and I'm not doing it right or enough or something." He was struggling to explained and although, Chuck knew exactly what he was talking about, he played innocent as best as could manage.

" I'm not understanding. What do you mean, you're not doing it right ? Not doing what right ?"

Nate looked down to the floor and studied the carpet in front of him. " The sex. The sex isn't working out right. I don't know what to do."

Chuck watched him closely for several long moments, trying to figure out what exactly he was supposed to say to that. The phrase, ' Don't you ever touch her again !' swiftly came to mind, but he decided against it immediately. The thought of plunging his fist into his nose also came to mind, but again, for the sake of their friendship, he squelched the urge.

" Why do you feel like you're not doing it right ? Did she tell you that ?" He finally said, still gaging every word and every expression carefully.

" Not in so many words. It was just awkward, weird. Everything I did just seemed to frustrate her." He admitted.

_That's because you aren't me_, Chuck thought bitterly, _and no matter how you try, you'll never satisfy her like I can. _

He sat back and again resisted the urge to say what was on his mind. " I've had a bit of experience in this area. Tell me what you're doing, maybe I can help." He even managed to say it all with a sheepish expression. Blair would have been so proud.

Nate's eyes darkened on him for a moment. And Chuck held his hands up in defensive. " Hey, I'm just trying to help. I know Blair and I know you. Maybe I can help you figure out what isn't working and you can fix it."

Nate was still looking at him with unfriendly eyes, but he shifted and began to speak again. " It was good at first. Everything was fine, but as it progressed it was like everything I did was wrong."

" Can I say something without you taking a swing at me ?" Chuck asked.

Nate nodded, but Chuck wasn't exactly convinced. " I know you, Man. You went at it all sweetness and roses. You are like Prince Charming personified and well...." He swallowed, afraid his next words would bring on the fight. " Sometimes women, especially Blair, would rather be with the Evil Sorcorer."

Nate sat up abrubtly. " So you think she wants to be with you ?!" He demanded. " You think that's what's wrong with her ?"

" That is not what I said, nor would I ever say something like that. She made her choice. And she chose correctly. I'm not good for her. You are. End of story." Chuck explained rather quickly. " What I am saying is romantic, gentle, sweetness is fine sometimes, but sometimes, that isn't what a woman needs. I know Blair. She needs more than that."

He couldn't believe he was saying the words. It was like they were pouring out of him with his permission. If Nate figured out how to please Blair like he could, why would she keep coming back to him. Why would she go searching for something, if she could find it at home ? He had to do something, say something to fix what he had done. He could already see the wheels turning in Nate's mind, thinking about his advice.

" Actually, I don't know what I'm talking about. Maybe romantic and tender is exactly what she needs. I mean, I lost her, after all. How would I know what she wants." He tried.

Nate sat up and grabbed his own glass of scotch from where he had nestled it on the inside of the leg of the desk where it wouldn't get turned over. Then apparently something caught his eye and he reached further under the desk and snatched at it.

Handing it up to Chuck, he mumbled, " Apparently someone dropped this."

Chuck looked down and realized with a start it was Blair's clip, dropped there the night before. He reached up to snatch it, but Nate took it back, suddenly eying it more closely.

" Isn't this Blair's ?" He asked, looking the offending piece of jewelry over. Chuck reached for it again, but Nate sat back with it in his hand. " Yeah, I remember it. It was one of her favorites. She wore it everyday for almost a month right after she got it. I used to love to watch the way the emeralds sparkled in her hair." Then his eyes snatched up to Chuck's face, " How did it get here ?"


	4. Chapter 4

Chuck's phone chose that moment to let out a wail and he knew from the tone who was on the other end. He sat silently staring at the emerald embossed hair clip in Nate's hand and listening to Blair's ring tone on his phone and suddenly his mouth was very dry.

" Are you going to get that ?" Nate asked, setting the clip on the foot of the bed and staring at it as if he expected it to get up and do a little dance.

It was a struggle, but Chuck managed to regain his composure and he jerked the phone from his pocket and quickly hit the talk button.

" It's not a good time." He announced into the receiver before she had a chance to say a word.

" I left my clip." She bit off, ignoring him completely. " I think it's on the floor in your room."

" Yes, I already discovered that unfortunate incident and I'm working on rectifying the problem." He told her, Nate was watching him closely now, searching his eyes as he spoke into the phone.

" Oh, God ! Nate's there, isn't he ?"

" Yes, but I'm right in the middle of something at the moment. Can this wait until later ?"

" Is everything okay ? Does he know what happened last night ?" She demanded, panic lacing her words.

" No, no. He isn't aware of our arrangement, and I'd like to keep it that way for a while longer. So let me deal with the problem and I'll let you know what you need to do." He was being very careful, choosing every word with caution, hoping to make Nate believe he was discussing some new business venture.

" Okay, I'll call you back in a little while. Please, Chuck, handle this. He can't find out about us." She was practically begging him.

" I understand that. That wouldn't be to either of our advantages. I do have something I need to discuss with you in person. A proposal that needs your attention. Will you be free for dinner, say around ten ?" He knew he was pushing his luck, setting up a date with Blair while Nate looked on, completely oblivious. But he couldn't help it. Just hearing her voice made his heart pound in his chest and he needed to know when he could see her again, hold her again.

" Are you serious ?!" She nearly screeched and Nate's eyebrows shot up at the change in Chuck's expression. " Are you making a date with me while my boyfriend watches ?"

" Nothing has changed. I have every reason to believe that everything with the incident will work out just fine. And this proposal is very time sensitive. It can't wait." He answered, nodding towards Nate and offering him another joint.

_Keep him high and he wouldn't know a thing, _Chuck thought to himself.

Nate took the joint and made himself busy with lighting it before settling once again with his back against the foot of the bed, his eyes however went right back to the clip.

" Alright, Chuck." She told him with a sigh. " I'll see you tonight. Do you want me to come there again? I think maybe my place would be better. No chance of running into random siblings here."

" That is sound thinking. I'll see you at ten." He said, before hanging up.

" Planning on stabbing someone else in the back ?" Nate asked coldly, his eyes still on the clip.

Chuck sighed and shifted to get more comfortable as he took the joint from Nate's outstretched fingers.

" I am not stabbing you in the back. Blair spent quite a bit of time here in the past. I'm sure the clip just got left back then."

Nate was silent for a moment, then he turned and leveled him with hard eyes. " I'm pretty sure I saw her wearing it last week."

Chuck inhaled the earthy aroma of the marijuana and made absolutely sure that he didn't pause or flinch in his movements. He was a master at this game. Deception, lies, they were all a part of who he was. Without batting an eye, he leaned forward and handed the smoking joint off. " I have a step-sister."

Nate blinked at him, as if that explanation made no sense at all.

" She's Blair's best friend, if you haven't heard. I'm sure she just loaned it Serena."

His eyes fell to the clip again and he studied it carefully.

" Really, Nataniel, they practically share a wardrobe. I'm sure that's how that ended up here." Chuck continued, grabbing hold to this reasoning and not letting go.

Nate glanced up at him with a furrowed brow. " That might explain how it got in your apartment, but how did it get in your room ?"

Chuck sat back and gave him his best leering smile, then he raised his eyebrows subtly.

" You are NOT having sex with Serena." Nate answered his unspoken announcement.

Chuck chuckled and took the joint back. " A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell."

" Next time I see one, I'll remind him." Nate's eyes had finally taken on the hazy, otherworldliness that came with the drug they were sharing and Chuck heaved a silent sigh of relief.

Let him think whatever he wanted about Serena and himself. It was better than the alternative.

* * *

Blair stood alone in her room pacing the floor. She had no idea what was happening between Chuck and Nate and it was driving her insane. Nate could be killing Chuck and she would have no idea.

If a fight broke out between them, she wasn't even sure she knew which one she wanted to win anymore. She just felt so confused.

Nate was everything she had always wanted. He was attentive and loving, trust-worthy and loyal.

_God, _she thought bitterly, _he sounds like a cocker spaniel. _

But Nate was easy. She knew exactly where she stood with him. There were never any jolts, no surprises.

Everything was always smooth sailing between them. And it was nice.

Her relationship with Chuck changed with the hands on a clock. Off one minute, on the next. It was exhausting. Even she had trouble keeping up.

She remembered, one morning during their brief time as a couple, she woke up and reached out to grab her phone to call him and tell him good morning. It was only at the last minute that she remembered they had had a fight the night before and she was still supposed to be mad at him.

She didn't want to be mad anymore. It took too much energy to be mad all the time. With college quickly approaching and just about every aspect of her life about to change, she didn't have enough energy to spare for a relationship with Chuck.

And yet, here she was, her mind constantly going back to the eager anticipation she felt over their date for later that night.

It felt as if her body was betraying her. It felt as if she had no control over her own life. And that was not acceptable to her.

From under the edge of her bed, she saw the cover of her scrapbook sticking out and she bent to retrieve it.

Sitting on the fluffy comfort of the foot of the bed, she opened it before her and started flipping through the pages.

She paused when she came to the page for her prom. Not many people knew about the scrapbooks existence. Pages upon pages of childish fantasies that she was now well aware wouldn't work out the way she so carefully planned. But somehow, despite all the problems, prom had proven her wrong.

She and Nate had made their plans and together they planned a perfect evening. But somehow, every plan that they made fell through at the last minute. Nothing went right, from her dress being ruined, to their suite being canceled, to the limousine being booked. Everything was falling apart around them.

Then, like she had a secret fairy godmother stashed away somewhere, the pages of her scrapbook came to life around her. Everything worked itself out. And worked themselves out more perfectly than she had ever imagined.

The entire night was a dream come true for her. She didn't know how and couldn't explain why, but it was the greatest night of her life.

She sighed and flipped the page and instantly her wistful smile turned to a scowl as she spied the bright blue and white colors of Yale university staring back at her, mocking her. She would never have Yale. It was something that she was learning to accept. But it was taking time. Yale had been such an intricate part of her plan. She wasn't sure what she was going to do once she got there, but she knew somehow, she belonged there.

Could she really trade the blue bulldogs for the violet bobcats ? Could she rally herself enough to become enthusiastic about NYU when it meant the loss of Yale ?

She was trying. She kept telling herself that she was trying. NYU was lucky to have her.

With an immature sticking out of her tongue, she turned the page again, wanting to put Yale and everything it meant to her, behind her.

The next page made her breath catch in her throat.

Her white dress nearly jumped off the page as she stared down at all the plans she had once made for her wedding day. She looked to the side of the picture of herself, expecting to find a perfect replica of Nate staring back at her.

She was startled by what she saw instead.

All the pages up to this point were very clear. Blond hair, Blue eyes, devastatingly handsome. The drawing she had made up till now could not be anyone other than Nate.

But this one, this one was different and it shocked her, because as many times as she had looked through the book, she had never noticed a difference.

The man standing by the image of herself was obscure, his features, his face, just about everything about him were indistinguishable and unclear. She told herself it was because the groom at the wedding mattered very little. Of course, she had always known it would be Nate. What mattered on her wedding day was the dress and the Bride's maid's dresses, and the flower and the cake.

But as she stared down at the tiny, shadowed figure, she wondered if perhaps something in her subconsciousness was trying to tell her something. Maybe her mind knew things she didn't.

It made her reconsider the choices she had recently made. Was Nate really who she wanted to spend the rest of her hopefully long life with ? Was Nate the man she wanted to wake up next to every morning and kiss goodnight every night ?

He made her happy. How could anyone not be happy with Nate at their side ? How could any woman not feel warm and wonderful when Nate told them he love them ? He was perfection personified. Every detail of him ideal. Strong and athletic, handsome and rich, sweet and kind, he was the man girls wrote about in their diaries.

But was he the man she wanted by her side through the rest of her life ? Was he the man she wanted to raise children with ? The one that would be there to ease her through the rough times and make all the good ones better ?

Was Nataniel Archibald her perfect match ?

As she sat there staring at the images of what was supposed to be the most important thing in her life, her phone rang and it startled her in its unexpectedness.

Snatching it up, she hit the talk button, knowing already who it was by the tone of the ring. " Chuck, are you okay ? Is Nate still there ? Does he know ?"

The words bubbled out of her so fast she could barely keep up. But under all that, tension and worry, there was an inexplicable excitement in her in knowing that she was about to hear his voice.

" Nate just left, and yes, everything is fine. He doesn't know anything. Although he is smoking again."He chuckled.

" You're such a child. Are you seriously tattling on him ?" She asked, hiding her own smile at his immaturity.

" I thought it might win me a few points." He answered, so smoothly. It was like his voice was caressing her through the phone.

She gulped at the thought and swallowed the lump that had formed in her throat. " Thank you for calling. I was really worried. How did you find the clip ?"

" Nate found it actually. So if he asks, you loaned it to Serena."

" I wouldn't loan that clip to Serena. My father gave it to me. I love that clip." She replied, off-handedly.

" Does Nate know that ?"

" I don't know. He's never asked to borrow it." She bit out.

" Well, let's just assume that he doesn't and don't mention it unless he does."

She huffed in exasperation. " I know how to play this game, too, Chuck. You didn't invent lying and sneaking around."

" I may not have invented it, but I am the best at it." He told her shamelessly.

" Yes, you are the best back-stabbing, betraying, lying, cheating, dirt bag you can be." She conceded.

" Are we still on for tonight ?" He asked through his laughter. " I want to see you."

She stood from the bed and began to pace again. She wanted to tell him no. She wanted to tell him to leave her alone and never call him again She wanted to be free of him more than she wanted anything else in the world.

But even as she opened her mouth to speak those worlds, she knew they weren't the ones about to leave her lips. " Yes, we are still on for tonight."

He was quiet for a time, but she could hear him moving in the background. " Why ?" He finally asked.

" Why what ?" she replied, not understanding his question.

" Why are you agreeing to see me ?" He clarified.

_Because I love you and I need you._ The words were almost out before she stopped herself. " I'm not sure, really." She said instead.

" Tell me you want me." He demanded, his voice suddenly low and gravelly.

Flopping into the middle of the bed, her eyes fell again to the vacant groom on her scrapbook page. "You know I do."

" I want to hear you say it." He whispered in her ear.

Her stomach did a little flip and everything inside her tightened instantly. " I want you." She whispered back, glancing up to her opened bedroom door. It was empty, but she quickly moved to shut it anyway.

Then she returned to the middle of the bed.

His voice was tighter than normal when he spoke again. " What do you want me to do to you ?"

" I am not having phone sex with you, Chuck." She answered immediately.

" Don't be so sure of that. Just hearing your voice makes me throb to touch you." He replied a touch unevenly.

" What are you doing ?" She demanded, sitting up quickly.

" The better question would be, what are you wearing ?" He drawled heavily.

Her mouth went instantly dry at his words and the image of him stretched out over his black, satin covered bed, naked and breathless.

" Chuck, I can't do this." She breathed, realizing she was nearly panting in her excitement.

" Of course you can. It's easy. I'll help." He paused. " I can hear how bad you want to do this in your voice."

She thought about his words and for a moment she let them seep into her. He was right. She wanted to hear his voice, rasping out all the delicious details of what he planned to do to her when they met hours later. She wanted to imagine how he looked as he spoke.

But an obnoxious beep through the phone turned her attention away from him for a moment. She glanced at the screen and saw Nate's name blaring at her.

" Chuck, you'll just have to take care of your own throb. Nate's calling me." She told him though it was an effort not to just ignore her boyfriend and stay on the line with him.

" I'll be there at ten." He replied easily, not disappointed or angry, just resigned.

" I'll be her." She told him as she hung up.

" What took you so long ?" Nate asked immediately as she answered.

" I was on the other line." She told him trying to keep the irritation out of her voice. " What's up ?"

" How about dinner ? Maybe after we can pick up where we left off last night ?"

" I can't tonight." She lied easily. " I have plans."

" What plans ?"

" Just plans. I didn't know I had to run everything I do by you now." Now she was irritated.

" Why are you getting mad ? I was just asking."

He sounded hurt by her snappy remark and that irritated her even more. Where was the equally snappy comeback ? Where was the quiet chuckle at her anger ?

" I'm not mad. I'm just staying in tonight. Catching up on something I need to get done around here." She placated him.

" I'll right. I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

" Yes, I'll see you tomorrow."

Now she was mad. Mad at him for interrupting her conversation with Chuck. She wanted to grab the phone and try to pick up where they had left off. Then she hated herself for wanting to. Everything inside her was in turmoil, everything conflicted.

It occurred to her that she wasn't the least bit conflicted over her choice of companions for the evening. She had chosen Chuck without even thinking about it.

That had to mean something.


	5. Chapter 5

There was something poking into her back, but he was holding her so deliciously, there was no way she could protest.

They hadn't even spoken to each other. Not one word had passed between them. He just entered the room, shut the door and before she could process anything, she was against her bedroom door with his body pressing into hers so tightly she couldn't properly breath. His hands were everywhere all at once, pulling at the collar of her dress to get better access to her breast, raising the hem up her leg so he could find the bare skin of her upper thigh.

And his mouth, his wonderful, knowing, talented mouth was examining every inch of her that he could find. She felt wanton and desperate as her leg instinctively wrapped around his, curving over his thigh and pulling him closer still.

She had already tugged his jacket from his shoulders and let it fall to the floor in a heap at their feet. Now it was the buttons of his shirt she was struggling with, fumbling over them in her haste. Finally, in desperation and frustration, she jerked his shoulders back to give herself a tiny bit of room and his eyes found hers with a hint of confusion in them. But the look quickly turned to shameless, unadulterated lust when she took the garment in her hands and pulled it roughly, sending buttons flying in all directions.

For a moment she wondered how he would manage to get back home without a shirt to cover him, but it was only a moment. Then he brought his hands up under her bottom and forced her other leg to join the first around his waist as he lifted her.

Stumbling in his impatience, he finally managed to get over to her bed and he dropped her into the middle of it while climbing over her at the same time.

She clutched at him even after her back hit the mattress, refusing to grant him even a centimeter of space between them. She couldn't let him go, couldn't let him get even that far from her.

She felt like she was on fire, burning so hotly as every part of her was consumed by the raging inferno inside her. And Chuck was the only thing that could save her, the only thing that might be able to quench the fire within.

Her passion rose in her like a great beast, ripping and snarling, slashing at her insides with its great, fierce claws. It was killing her, painfully. Engulfing her in its madness.

At the moment nothing else mattered to her. Her mother could walk through the door and she wouldn't care, Nate could barge into to their private sanctuary and it wouldn't matter, not as long as Chuck's hands stayed surrounding her breast, not as long as his teeth were still tugging at her nipple so heavenly.

" You are all I've thought about all day. I could barely concentrate on work because of you." He breathed into her panting mouth. " William Andrews thought I was sick."

William Andrews was one of the shareholders in Chuck's company. A good man that was helping Chuck adjust to being the CEO of a multi-billion dollar company.

Lily had handed over the reins of Bass Industries to Chuck right after graduation and he had taken them with an able confidence that still surprised most of the shareholders. After a disastrous first meeting with them, thanks to Chuck's uncle, he was slowly winning them over, one hefty wallet at a time. William had been the first on the Chuck bandwagon.

" I think maybe you are sick." she panted into his hair as his mouth attacked her throat with furor. " I think we both are."

He jerked his head back and attacked her lips quickly, taking away that trace of self-loathing he heard in her voice when she spoke. " None of that, Waldorf." He admonished when he finally pulled back. "You are thinking again."

" So make me stop." She challenged as she shifted and raised her hips enough to grind them into his.

His eyebrows quirked up an instant before he groaned so loudly she just knew anyone passing in the hall could hear him.

" Unless you want company in the form of my mother and stepfather, keep it down." She warned him. "I can just see Dorota chasing you from the apartment with a broom."

He laughed at the image, but his eyes quickly darkened again. " We have got to find a place to meet where I can make all the noises I want." His head dipped to the place between her breasts and he sucked at the skin so hard she gasped out in pleasure. " More importantly," He leered up at her, " A place where you can make all the noise you want."

There was something serious in his eyes, like a question waiting for an answer. Was he asking her something, trying to tell her something important ? Whatever it was, if it was too important, surely he wouldn't be trying to get a coherent answer from her while his mouth as on her breast like it was.

" I want to get an apartment for us." He announced, now with his mouth back at her throat.

His words were heavy in the air and she had to struggle to find the concentration she needed to understand them. When they eventually sunk into her consciousness, she jerked him back by the shoulders so she could see into his eyes. She needed to be able to gauge the seriousness of his words. He was dead serious as he stared back at her.

" You want me to move in with you ?" She asked incredulously.

He shook his head. " Now, don't you think that might blow our cover ? " He smiled. " No, I want to get us a place where we can meet privately." He kissed her. " Our own little oasis, a sanctuary just for the two of us."

She thought about that. A place of their own would be ideal. No need to sneak around, no chance of running into the people in their lives that had no business knowing their little secret. It was logical. It made sense.

" Somewhere far enough away from everyone we know that we don't have to hide inside all the time." She breathed quietly.

" Exactly. Hell, I'll get a place in Jersey if that's what you want." He chuckled.

She wrinkled her nose and raised her eyebrows at him.

" Okay, not Jersey. But not the UES either. I want to find us a place that's all ours."

She didn't care what they did. She didn't care where he found an apartment. It was a good idea and she didn't mind talking about it again later, but right then, her only concern was that he had stopped kissing her.

" If I say yes, will you just kiss me again." She panted as she ground into him again.

He gave a tortured sounding moan and let his mouth fall back to her neck. " Oh, I guess I haven't told you, I have every intention of making sure that I kiss every single inch of you tonight. I came here on a mission."

She found his eyes just as his lips engulfed her nipple again. " What mission is that ?" She asked him, though she was honestly through with talking for the moment.

" I plan on making you mine tonight. I'm going to leave here knowing that you belong to me."

His eyes were still on hers, burning into her with their intensity. And she met them with an intensity to match. " I'm already yours."

" No," He answered simply as he raised a hand and brushed a stray, long brown lock of hair from her face. " Not yet. There's still something there in your eyes. Still some doubt about all this." He shifted, moving from over her to beside her, but he tugged her along with him so that she was still in his arms.

" I don't doubt that I want to be here, Chuck." She tried to explain. " I just doubt that I should be."

" That's it exactly." He nodded, capturing her bottom lip for a moment as if he couldn't help himself . "You should be here."

" This is wrong. What we're doing is purposely hurtful. It's the worse kind of betrayal. Nate's your best friend. I love him." She stated though her eyes were glued back to his lips. " This is insanity. It's like an addiction and I'm not strong enough to fight it."

He sighed and scanned her face thoughtfully. " That's exactly why you should be here. You can't be happy without this, without us."

She huffed and tried to raise up, but he held her firm, refusing to let her eyes leave his face. " You're right. I'm not denying it, but what does it mean ? It has to mean something."

" Why ?" He asked, the question almost silly in its simplicity.

" Because everything means something." She answered.

" It doesn't have too. " He glanced away, his eyes temporarily pained. " Or maybe it does. But we don't have to understand it. We just have to accept it and keep doing what we're doing."

" Is that what you're afraid of ?" She replied, stunned by the look on his face. It was something she wasn't sure she had ever seen there before. Maybe the night after his father's death, the night he spent sobbing while she held him. It was fear. " You're afraid I'll decide to stop this. You think my guilt will keep me away from you."

He didn't say anything. It wasn't in Chuck to admit to something like that. She hadn't expected him, too. Not really. But he didn't say anything either. Nothing, he just stared at a place over her shoulder like it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen.

Then, to her utter astonishment, he nodded. It was such a tiny movement, it was obvious what it had cost to him. As good as an admission, and as absolutely vulnerable as she had ever seen him.

Grieving for his father was one thing. There was no chance of rejection involved there. It had been totally uncharacteristic of him to break down so utterly that night. But still there was that part of him that remained in control. That part that knew there was no chance of defeat in admitting that weakness.

But this was different. He was putting himself out there, the only way Chuck was capable of, giving her the chance to either break him or embrace him. The look in his eyes said that if the choice was to break him, it truly would.

It was a defining moment for them both. It was like they were standing on a precipice looking out over their future.

She had been here before. Right after it finally sunk in that she had lost Yale. But then, she had been alone.

Now Chuck was beside her, clinging to her hand like it was the only thing keeping him from falling over the edge. Maybe it was. Maybe he was holding on to her because his life was as out of control and unpredictable as hers was. Maybe she was his anchor.

She could do that. She didn't have to consider the weight of that responsibility. There was no alternative for her. If an anchor was what he needed, she would be it. If she was all that kept him from plunging over the edge and never finding his way back, she would hold him. Because she knew, in the farthest depths of her soul, that she would do anything for him.

The words were burning on the tip of her tongue. She wanted to tell him all of that and so much more. She wanted him to know what he meant to her. Wanted him to understand that she wasn't capable of turning away from him, wasn't capable of being without him.

" So much thinking." He whispered as he eased the furrow from her brow with the tip of his finger.

" You started it." She replied with something akin to a smile.

" Then I am very sorry. I didn't mean to."

" It was good thinking, though. You would have approved." Her smile was more genuine now, nearly reaching her eyes.

" You think so ?" He asked, matching the gleam in her eye.

" I know so." She nodded and leaned in to kiss him.

" Did it have anything to do with getting back to our previous activities ? Because, you're right. I approve." He started to nuzzle her neck again without waiting for her to reply, but she pushed him back and suddenly the look on his face was heartbreaking.

That one movement, pushing him away from her, that was enough to take all the ' Chuck' out of him. He was right back to being vulnerable and breakable, almost delicate.

" I'm not going anywhere." She whispered in way of reassurance. " I want you to know that. I'm here. I'm in this. You don't have to be afraid."

Then suddenly it occurred to her. That was the important thing he was trying to ask her earlier. It hadn't really been about getting an apartment to carry on their secret little trysts. It had been about commitment. Not really to him, but to this, to whatever this was they were doing. The apartment had just been his way of reassuring himself that she was going to stay with this, continue this, no matter how wrong she felt it was.

And God help her, she already knew the answer. Of course she would stay. Right then, looking at his face as he watched her so closely, she knew that going to Hell was a small price to pay to save him. And it was evident that no matter how much he pretended, Chuck still needed saving.

His kiss was so much more now, like he was trying to draw her inside himself, capture her so that she could never get away from him. She moaned into his mouth as his tongue swept the roof of her mouth. Then he was sucking on her bottom lip, sucking so hard it was painful and she thought she might have tasted blood, but it didn't matter. It was right. It was how it was supposed to be for them.

Agonizingly, blissfully painful.

The three words summed up everything that they were to each other better than any others could.

As he continued to drive her insane, doing things to her body, making it respond the way only he could, she wondered if they could ever make their relationship work on the outside.

Two such dominate people, both so stubborn and proud, so independent and egotistical. Could they ever manage a life together ?

She knew the answer to that as well and it broke her heart just thinking it. Of course not. Of course they would never be able to do ' normal'.

The strength of each of them would smother the other. Eventually they would burn out and it would kill them both in the process.

This was better. This was what they had, what they needed from each other. Wanting more than what she had with him already seemed too greedy, like she was expecting too much. No one got that lucky.

Her back arch into his chest as his nimble, clever fingers slipped inside her. He always knew. He played her body like an instrument. And she knew, too, that it wasn't just his experience. This was something just between them. No matter how many other lovers he had had in the past, she knew that he couldn't inspire in them the kinds of feelings he drew out of her. The same was true for her.

She was fairly certain that while he had many other lovers, she was one of the few that was a repeat offender. He rarely had sex with the same woman more than a few times.

She was his exception. She caused him to break his own rules. And that knowledge was somehow powerful in itself. All those women and he chose her. He wanted her, time and again. She knew without a doubt that given a choice between anyone of his past women and her, he would always choice her.

She was so lost in him, in what he was doing to her, that the entire world melted beyond him, nothing existed past him. He was everything in her world right then.

So it was startling to both of them when somehow, even over their own labored breathing, they managed to hear footsteps approaching her door.

He snatched upward and launched himself away from her so quickly it took her breath. There was no time to hide, no time to pretend. All they had left to them was damage control.

His body was still leaving hers when the door began to open. She just barely managed to cover all her exposed parts as the visitor appeared before them.

" You didn't lock the door ?" Chuck whispered harshly.

" I thought you did." She replied glancing at him and realizing there was little hope of playing anything off. He was shirtless after all. There was nothing they could do to explain that. His hair was rumpled as well. His lips swollen.

It was obvious, written all over his face. There would be no hiding.

They heard a gulp and it drew their eyes to the newcomer. Then the door began to shut again just as quickly as it opened, stopping with only the merest crack. " I'm so sorry, B." Serena apologized, "Dorota let me in. She said you were alone. I guess she didn't hear Nate come in."

Blair breathed a sigh of relief. In her haste to exit, Serena hadn't given close attention to Blair's companion.

But the next instant, as if she had had time to actually process what she had seen, the door burst opened forcefully and her best friend barreled into the room heedless of their compromised situation, or maybe because of it.

" What the hell are you doing !?" Serena demanded as she crossed her arms over her chest.

" How are you, Sis ?" Chuck drawled as he leaned back against the headboard. There was nothing he could say that would convince her she wasn't seeing what she was seeing. Blair guessed he had decided to make her angry enough to leave instead.

Serena ignored him, holding her gaze on Blair as she waited for an explanation.

" This isn't any of your business." Blair answered.

" How do you figure that ? Nate is my friend. You're my best friend and whether I like it or not, Chuck is my stepbrother."

Chuck shifted and stood from the bed. " I think I'm going to find the little boy's room. Give you ladies a few minutes to talk." He cast his eyes to Blair. " Unless you want me to stay ?"

She shook her head even as she realized what an effort it was for him to offer. Thinking of anyone other than Chuck was always a big deal for him. " I'll be fine. Just give us a minute and don't let anyone see you."

He nodded and made his hasty retreat without looking back.

" What are you thinking ?" Serena asked the moment he left as she flopped down on the foot of the bed.

Blair took a deep breath. " I have no idea."

" Then why are you doing this to Nate ? Why are you doing this to yourself ?"

" I have to." was the only answer she could come up with.

Serena's eyes softened instantly. " You love him."

It was a statement, not a question and it didn't require a response.

" Then leave Nate. If Chuck is who you want then be with him. I'll stand behind you. I know he loves you, and you love him. But don't do this to Nate. He doesn't deserve this." She pleaded.

" You think he loves me ?" Blair had latched on to the words and stopped listening after that point.

" Of course he loves you. How could you not know that ?"

" He's never said it. He's never told me. He always said this was just a game to him. I believed him." Blair's voice was far away, distant as he stared at the place where Chuck had disappeared. " How do you know ? You seem so certain."

She sighed, knowing Blair wasn't hearing her protests any longer, knowing there was something more important to talk about right then.

" It's all over his face every time he looks at you." Serena answered, scooting a little closer and taking her friend by the shoulder.

" No, I mean specifically. You know something and you aren't saying. There's something else." Blair was certain she was right. She knew Serena better than anyone in the world. They had been through so much together. The fact that there was something going on that Blair wasn't in on was written on her best friend's forehead in neon.

" I've known it for a while." Serena evaded.

" S," Blair warned her. The blue eyes staring back at her flinched but they looked away quickly.

" The last time you asked him if he loved you and he told you it was just a game," she paused if she were waiting for Blair to recall the incident, as if it wasn't normally running on a loop through her head, torturing her over and over as it played.

Blair nodded, encouraging her to continue. There was something important about to happen, she could feel it, like the room crackled with electricity. In the constant movie that played in her head, Blair knew this was a pivotal scene, life changing perhaps even. Months of desperately needing to know how he really felt about her were copulating in an ending finally. Only moments from now she would know whether he loved her for sure, with absolute certainty.

She felt ridiculous at the drama of her reaction. The world wasn't ending, nothing would even change really.

Except she would finally, _finally,_ know for sure.


	6. Chapter 6

" I knew he loved you then. I'd seen it." Serena continued, glancing at the door to make sure they were still alone. " So I asked why he didn't just tell you then and end all this." She paused, watching for Blair's reaction. " He told me it was because he couldn't make you happy. So he was letting you go." She sighed. " It was the most 'un-Chuck-like' thing he could have said. But it was honest."

Blair was blinking back tears as she realized exactly what how hard it must have been for him to tell her to go that day.

" Then," Blair's eyes shot to Serena's face. She'd thought it was over. She had her proof. It was all she needed to hear. All she expected. More than she expected, even. But apparently, there was more and her heart hammered in her chest at the notion. " Blair, he is going to hate me for telling you this. But I think you deserve to know. He was the one that sabotaged your prom night."

She blinked in confusion. Prom night had been the most perfect night of her life. It hadn't been sabotaged. It had been perfect.

Serena sighed. " It was only so perfect because the plans you made first fell through. Didn't you think it a bit of a coincidence that every time something went wrong, something better showed up in its place. Chuck did that."

" What are you talking about ? Chuck did what ?"

" He ruined your dress. He sent you the one from your scrapbook. He got rid of the flowers. He got the room for you. It was him. He said he just wanted your night to be perfect. I've never seen him so proud of himself. It was a scary thing."

She sat back and stared at the doorway for a long time.

" Are you okay ?" Serena was obnoxiously waving her hand in her face like an idiot.

It was blocking her view of him, lounging against the closed door, listening to every word.

" Can I talk to you tomorrow ?" Blair finally managed through a very dry throat. She still couldn't pull her eyes away from his.

Serena finally tossed a look over her shoulder and noticed his return. Her eyes were wide as she looked back to her friend, then back to Chuck. " Yeah, I'll go." She muttered as she slid from the bed.

Reality crept back into Blair's world for long enough to let her grab Serena's retreating hand at the last minute. "What are you going to do ?" She asked.

" Am I going to run to Nate and tell him everything ?" Serena said as she stood.

" Yes, you seem to be pretty good at telling people everything." Chuck snarled at her.

" Let me handle this, Serena. I'll take care of it." Blair's eyes pleaded with her.

" Fine. I won't tell him." She pointed her finger at Blair accusingly. " But you better and I mean soon."

Chuck opened the door long enough to allow her to leave, then she heard it click purposefully as he locked it. " No more close calls." He mumbled as he returned to looking at her.

" Is all that true ? Did you do all that ?" Blair's voice cracked with tension.

This really was happening. She could see it now. It was her happy ever after come to life. Her moment.

He shrugged as nonchalantly as he could, watching her from the doorway, shirtless and rumpled and looking as guilty as he possibly could. His hands were stuffed in the pockets of his brown dress pants and his bare back was casually leaning against the frame. His hair was still rumpled and falling into his eyes from where she had run her fingers through it over and over just a few minutes before.

" Why? You kept telling me it was all a game. Why couldn't you just tell me ?" She was confused.

" It's better this way." He concluded. " I can't make you happy. He can."

She jumped from the bed, finding her feet as she rounded on him. " What is it that you image could make me happier than knowing you love me ? What are you so convinced you can't do, that he can ?"

His eyes fell to the floor, but he said nothing as she continued to rant at him.

" All you had to do was say the words. That's it and I was all yours." Her voice had grown soft and almost distant as it cracked with emotion.

" You mean the same words that I have never said to anyone ever ?" He asked, finally.

She was standing just inches away from him. Every instinct in her wanted to wrap her arms around him.

But anger stilled her. Anger at him for not being strong enough to tell her how he really felt. Anger at herself for not be able to just push it all aside and hold him like she wanted to do.

" Yes, Chuck, I mean those words." She nodded, arms still crossed defensively over her chest. " Not telling me, not saying it out loud is cowardly. Of all the things I've ever taken you for, it has never been a coward before."

His eyes narrowed and sharpened as he looked up at her. " Are you trying to dare me to say it out loud ? That's a little immature, even for you."

" Don't you dare do this, Chuck. Not now." She lashed out. " I will not let you start a fight with me. I will not be distracted. That's a little immature, even for you."

He pushed past her and snapped his shirt off the floor, ramming his arms into it roughly as he tugged it on, leaving it hanging open because of its lack of buttons.

" Where are you going ?" She demanded, moving in front of the door to bar his exit.

" Home." He spat under his breath.

" Now you're just going to run away." She answered, planting her hands on her hips.

He came to within a few inches of her and glowered.

" This is over, Blair. It wasn't supposed to be like this."

Her moment was slipping away faster than she could grab it. Refusing to just let it fall away, let him just walk away, she straightened her shoulders and prepared herself for what was obviously becoming a battle.

They had had so many. So much turmoil, so much pushing and pulling, hurting and inflicting. Battle after battle, ambush after ambush.

And it infuriated her that it could end so very easily. All he had to do was utter three little words. Hell, she'd even settle for sign language at this point.

Knowing it and hearing it were apparently not the same, at least not to her. She could see it now. Even with anger clouding his features, it was there, in the deepest depths of his warm, chocolate brown eyes. And it amazed her that she hadn't seen it before. It was so obvious now, blaring at her. The love in his eyes was so visibly apparent it nearly took her breath.

But it wasn't enough.

This was the finally battle between them. If he left, there would be no returning. If he choose to hang on to his fears, instead of her, she would never forgive him.

" I'm not letting you go. If you are so determined to leave, you'll have to move me." She told him, hugging her chest again.

This was his first test. How much did all this really mean to him ? How strong were his fears ? Were they still so strong that he would run away without even considering his options ? As he stood there looking down at her, seething in his anger, she could see in his eyes that he felt exactly what she did. They were facing something, something neither of them were sure of. Something neither of them knew how to fight. Something bigger than either of them.

This was a turning point. Her life-altering movie moment was back, just hanging on the choices he made in those moments. The question of whether her story would be a romance or a heart shattering tragedy rested with him and the decisions he made in the next few moments.

He turned from her abruptly and threw himself down on the foot of the bed, sitting with his back stiff and his arms crossed, but sitting all the same. He had passed the first challenge. He hadn't just moved her aside.

Maybe she could work with that.

" Why did you sabotage my prom ? Why would you do something like that ?" She demanded, eyes glued to his profile.

He ducked his chin slightly so that he had one eye on her. " Are you saying that now that you know I was responcible, it was sabotage ? I thought before it was the most perfect night of your life."

She came to him, kneeling at his feet, switching tactics so quickly, that hopefully she just might catch him off guard. " It was. It was perfect because of you. The plans Nate and I made were wonderful. It would have been a wonderful night if you hadn't interfered. But because of you, it was so much more than just wonderful. It was like the pictures in my mind were leaping to life somehow. You did that for me. You made that happen. Are you really saying that even after all that you still won't just tell me how you really feel ?"

" I wanted you to have the night you'd dreamed of for so long. I wanted it to be something you'd never forget." He tried to explain. He reached out a shaky hand to touch her, and he watched it move like it was working on its own without his permission. " So many of your plans haven't worked out lately. You needed a win."

She turned her cheek into the palm that was softly cradling her face. It was so warm and comfortable, so gentle and tender. " Tell me, Chuck. I'll leave Nate. We don't have to do this to each other any more. I already know it. I just need to hear it."

He sat back and dropped his hand from her cheek. " What happens then ? You leave Nate, and you and I ride off into the sunset ? You know we could never work out there, not in the real world."

" Why not ? We love each other. Isn't that all we need to know ?"

He huffed and shifted restlessly. " This isn't some silly movie where everything is perfect forever after the fade-to-black. This is life. We don't work in life."

" We will find a way." She pleaded with him.

He hesitated, his hand twitching where it rested on his thigh like he was fighting to keep it there. " We will destroy each other."

" You don't know that."

" Nathaniel can give you what you want. He can give you a life. All I have to offer is grief. I'm damaged goods." He insisted, sounding for all the world like some movie hero from the thirties. Humphrey Bogart telling Ingrid Bergman that she would regret her decision, ' _maybe not today and maybe not tomorrow but soon and for the rest of your life'_.

" This isn't Casablanca, Chuck. Damaged goods, really ?" Suddenly she was fighting off the urge to laugh. It had just sounded so corny, so cheesy.

His lip twitched on the right side, the side that was always the first to crack when he was trying to hold back a smile. " Okay," He finally let it go and his eyes brightened instantly as the smirk took over his face. " I guess that was pretty bad."

She let herself join him in laughter for a minute. But it was brief in its existence and then the weight of the moment was back between them.

" Doesn't make it less true. I've tried to be what you need. We've been down that road already." He told her. " All I did was make you miserable."

Her eyes darkened as she remembered clinging to his arm, telling him she loved him. She remembered his dark, cynical, drug clouded eyes as he looked back at her and said, ' That's too bad.'

" See," he cleared his raspy throat like there was something stuck there as he watched the tears fall from her eyes. " You can't even look back on the things I've done to you without tears."

" So," She batted her betraying eyes a touch roughly, wiping them dry with the sleeve of her dress. "That doesn't mean anything. I can't think back on Marc Jacobs' latest line without feeling like sobbing either. Doesn't mean anything."

He chuckled but there was no humor in it. " I don't want to be the reason for any more of your tears."

" Then tell me you love me and I'll never cry over you again." She dared him.

" Liar." He retorted.

" Nothing has to change right now. We can keep this going just like it is, if that's what you want. Just tell me." Now she was begging. It was pathetic, her hands clasped over his knee, kneeling at his feet, begging him to love her.

" You want me to tell you I love you even though tomorrow night you'll probably be in this exact same spot with a different man ? Come on, Blair. You know that isn't going to happen."

He was right. As soon as the words left his lips, she knew she would never let another man touch her.

" Okay, so tell me and you'll know for sure that the only man that will ever be here with me like this again will be you."

She thought maybe her argument gave him pause, because he said nothing for a long time. " I can't let you walk away from him. He can give you the future you want." His smiled wistfully at her. " I'll ruin everything."

The stinging sound of her open hand contacting his cheek resounded throughout the room, and he looked at her in shock and disbelief. " What the fuck was that for ?" He demanded in a low dangerous voice.

She sat up on her knees, level with his face and stared him down. " You are not a monster, Chuck. You aren't not good enough for me. You aren't damaged goods. This self-loathing thing got old years ago. Tell yourself whatever you want to, but we all know there is a decent man under all your smoke and mirrors."

She watched him swallow forcefully, as if actually, physically swallowing whatever he was about to say and his features softened. It was a stunning transformation, so dramatic in its deliverance.

" You really believe that ?" He asked, doubtfully.

" I know it. I've seen it." She answered immediately, giving not the slightest hint of hesitation.

" You really do love me." It was quiet, on the verge of a whisper and thick and heavy with emotion. But it wasn't a question. More like an affirmation to himself.

She answered him anyway. " Yes, Chuck. I really do love you."

He blinked rapidly. " I've never believed anyone else when they've said that, not even my father on the rare occasion when he bothered."

She took his face in her hands and held it, rubbing her fingertip over the splash of red that her hand had caused. " You should believe it. After everything we've been through, I don't think there is anything in the world that's going to change that. I love you."

He closed his eyes, and swallowed again. Then he blinked and brought his lips so close to hers they were almost touching, " I love you, too."

Her heart paused, no longer able to keep up with its hammering pace. She even thought she noticed the lights dimming slightly, before flaring back to life. The only thing missing was the swell of music that always came just before the movie credits rolled.

She had her moment. Her life changing, heart stopping, beautiful moment.. And it was everything she had ever dreamed it would be.

Without pausing, she plunged her lips against his, revealing in the climax of the event she felt as if she had been waiting her entire life for.

She was still reeling as he pulled her from her knees and into his lap so smoothly she barely noticed the change.

" So what now ?" He asked breathlessly as he pulled away.

She blinked this time, trying to let her brain catch up with her emotions. " That was the easy part." She answered.

His eyes lit up with a genuine smile full of humor and lightness. " You think that was easy ?"

" It was certainly easier than having to tell Nate about all this." She replied with a furrowed brow.

" Hurting Nataniel was not my intent when all this started. I'll talk to him. I'll tell him." He offered, easing the furrow with tip of his finger.

"Maybe we should talk to him together. When he sees how happy we are, how could he possibly be mad at us ?"

He laughed out loud and it startled her. " I'm sure he's just going to pat me on the back and offer us his blessing."

She swooped in for a kiss, stealing it from his smiling lips. She loved kissing him when he was smiling. It was such a rare thing, Chuck smiling, Chuck looking happy. It made the kiss seem that much more special because of it.

" I didn't say he wouldn't be mad. I'm just saying that maybe he'll understand, eventually, when he looks back on it years from now."

" Years ?" His voice was quiet, all humor gone in an instant. " Do you really think that's how its going to be ? He's going to hate us."

" I'm sorry."

He leaned back, giving himself some space without her to distract him. " Nataniel and I have been together all my life. He's the one constant thing I could always count on."

" I know this is hard for you. I wish there was some way we could be together without hurting him in the process."

His eyes grew distant and his lips pursed slightly. " I know that face, Chuck. I can practically see the wheels turning. What are you scheming ?"

" What if there was a way for us to be together without hurting him ?"

She shifted on his lap, finding a more comfortable position. " I'm listening."

" We don't have to go public with this right away. You could break things off with him and we could wait an appropriate amount of time before telling everyone about us." He suggested.

" You mean not see each other for a while, pretend we don't feel like we do ?" She asked, not at all enthusiastic about the plan.

" I mean keep sneaking around for a while. I'm willing to do what I have to in order to keep Nataniel in my life." Chuck answered. " I don't have so many friends that I can just throw my best one away."

Her gaze stayed on his while her mind considered the possibilities of what he was asking of her. It could work. They could make it work. If it made it possible for her to not hurt Nate, she could do what was necessary.

Nodding, she leaned in to capture his mouth with hers. His lips were smiling again as they meet hers.

" We can still get the apartment." He told her, though he was now running his hands over her back and his voice had taken on a low velvety quality that announced he was done with the conversation.

" Can I decorate it ?"

" You sure you wouldn't rather just hire a professional ?"

She sat back and looked at him, flabbergasted " Have we met ? Are you seriously asking me to let someone else have control over the way our very first apartment looks ? Not to mention all the shopping involved."

His laughter was deep and full of life as he gathered her to him and hefted her into his arms. Spinning them both, he placed her in the middle of the bed and climbed over her. Resting his weight on his hands positioned on either side of her head, he leaned down to kiss her.

" You can do whatever you want with the place. It'll be ours. No one else in the world will even know it exists." He pecked at her neck quickly, before swooping in again for something more leisurely. "Our own paradise."

" Eden" She sighed.

" Eden," he agreed.


	7. Chapter 7

" Miss Blair." Dorota's voice rang from the hall outside her room. " There is someone here to see you. I told him you were sleeping, but he insisted." The door suddenly opened and a large English Bulldog nosed his way inside.

" Handsome !" She exclaimed, jumping from the bed to wrap her arms around the animal.

Then her eyes went to the door and she watch expectantly until her father's face appeared.

Handsome's cold nose rubbed up against her cheek as she smiled up at her father.

" There's my girl. I hope I'm not interrupting anything."

She stood and went to him with her arms wide open, and he took her into his chest and held her tightly.

" I've missed you, Sweetheart."

" What are you doing here ? You didn't even call to tell me you were coming." She gushed into his chest.

" I had some business in the states and I wanted to see you. I can't stay long. But it gave me a chance to tell you how very proud I am of you." He answered as he let her go and took her hand.

Leading her into the living room, he walked them to the sofa and sat as he pulled her down beside him.

" Proud of me ? For what ?" She asked as she settled into his side.

He took a deep breath and turned to face her. " I know the last time I left, it wasn't on the best of terms. I was very disappointed in you, in fact."

Her eyes cast downward, unable to meet his and not wanting to rehash their last visit. It had killed her to see the disappointment as he found out about her hazing of Rachel Carr, her teacher.

" But your mother tells me that you're really turning things around. And I'm glad to hear it. I was worried about you, first that thing with Chuck Bass. Then the teacher thing."

She shifted, glancing up as he said Chuck's name. " You don't like Chuck ?"

He laughed and the sound sunk to the bottom of her stomach like a heavy weight. " I don't think there is a father alive that likes Chuck Bass. He's bad news. I'm glad you finally saw that yourself."

She opened her mouth to speak, instinct urging her to defend Chuck against this sudden assault. But he stopped her before she could.

" Eleanor says you and Nate are back together. I was so glad to hear it. Nate is a man you can build a future with. You made the right choice and I'm so proud of you for it."

Her head pounded as she stared back at the one man in the world almost more important to her than Chuck. She had spent her entire life striving for his approval. Her mother was always too critical of everything about her, her hair wasn't just right, her dress should have been a different color, her nails were too bright. She could never be what her mother expected her to be. But her father, her father had always accepted her, no matter what. Until Miss Carr. Until he discovered the real girl behind his little angel. It hadn't mattered that she felt bad after the incident. It didn't matter that she had lost Yale because of the whole thing. None of that made a difference. His disappointed eyes haunted her night after night.

Her smile was tight and tense when she looked up at him. " You're proud of me for getting back to together with Nate?"

He grabbed her hand on squeezed it. Her gaze focused on the soft crinkles around his eyes as he smiled down at her. He was smiling at her again. Without realizing she was moving, she watched her hand come into view and lightly brush the corner of his eyes.

She snatched back and folded her hands into her lap, straightening her shoulders and preparing to tell him that he had everything wrong.

" Your mother said she thought maybe something had been bothering lately. She said you seemed very down and depressed. Then she told me about you and Nate and I knew everything would be fine. You kids were born to be together." He went on ignoring the pained looked on her face, the struggle in her eyes. Or maybe he just couldn't see it. But even as her mouth opened and closed, her lips raging war with her brain over what her next words would be, he went on as if he hadn't just brought her world crumbling to the ground around her. " I knew it when you were babies. There's something between Nate and you. You're perfect for each other and I am happy to see that you finally realize that, too."

" But Chuck isn't that bad." She managed at last.

Her fathers' eyebrows rose to his hairline. " Sweetheart, Chuck Bass is a narcissistic, morally objectionable, highly volatile brat, that would have done nothing for you except break your heart over and over again." He nudged her shoulder. " I'm only telling you all this because I don't want to see you be hurt."

She nodded in a tearful thanks. " I know, Daddy. But Chuck has changed. He isn't the way you remember him."

He shook his hand and squeezed her hand again. " It doesn't matter how much he's changed. He can't have changed enough to be good enough for you."

Her eyes widened and her stomach dropped again. " You never told me you didn't like him. You were okay with my being friends with him."

" Yes, I have no problems with you being friends with Chuck. The Bass name is a powerful thing and no one can have enough powerful friends. But when you told me you were coming to Europe last summer with him, and not Nate, I was so worried about you I couldn't sleep for days." He turned to look at her more fully. " I have been through a lot of heartache in my life, as you can imagine. And I don't regret any of it. If I hadn't gone through all I did, I wouldn't have you and there is nothing I regret about having you. But if there is anything I can do to help you avoid that kind of pain, I'll do it. I was afraid for you. I've known men like Chuck Bass before, all they're capable of giving you is that kind of pain."

Her eyes fell from his. The voice in her head wanted to scream at him, to shout out loud that he was wrong. That Chuck would never hurt her again. She knew it. Chuck would never cause her anymore pain. He loved her and she loved him.

But the words wouldn't leave her lips. The thought of seeing his smile slip from his face, the thought of hearing his harsh words and seeing that look of disappointment in his eyes again, stilled her.

How could she tell him ? How could she bare to see him look at her like that again ?

" So, I'm assuming marriage is still the plan ?" He asked, and she was confused for a moment. Of course marriage was in the plan. She wanted nothing more in her life than to eventually be Mrs. Charles Bass. Then she remembered he wasn't talking about Chuck. Chuck wasn't part of his plan for her.

Was his approval so important to her that she would lie to him to keep it ?

Of course it was. He was her father. The only person in the world that she felt truly loved her because of who she was, not in spite of it. Well, the only person besides Chuck.

She had never felt more confused, more conflicted. She had to tell him. She had to. But the words still stubbornly set in her mouth, refusing to pass her lips.

" I guess it is." She mumbled finally in a resigned, joyless voice.

Her phone rang and she grabbed it without thinking and pushed the button.

" Did I wake you up ?" Chuck's velvety voice drawled through the line.

" No, I'm up. But I'm surprised you are. Isn't it a little early for you ?" She smiled.

Her father and his disappointment, her confusion and turmoil all faded away the moment his voice reached her ear.

" I had a meeting. What do you think about getting breakfast ? I can't wait until tonight to see you again." He asked.

" My father is here. I'm having breakfast with him. So you'll just have to wait."She answered lightheartedly, pleased that he was so eager to be with her. But the reminder of her father watching her as she spoke into her phone, caused the weight to reemerge, heavier this time.

" I guess I'll just have to endure. I'm sending a car for you at seven. Be ready. I'm taking you some place special tonight."

" Where ?" She inquired, quickly, excited at the prospect.

" It's a surprise. You'll just have to wait to see." He answered cryptically.

" I hate surprises." She lied.

" No, you don't. You love surprises and this one is guaranteed to knock your socks off."

" I'm not wearing socks." She pouted despite the excitement. Of course, he was right. She loved surprises. " Speaking of wearing, what am I supposed to wear for this surprise ? You know I hate to not being dressed appropriately."

" Nothing works for me. Maybe just a trench coat with those wonderful red stockings that I love so much and a pair of high heels." His voice was dreamy as if he were picturing the image in his mind.

She almost said his name. In fact she had to bite her tongue at the last instant as her gaze found her father. " Tell me what to wear." She insisted.

" Okay. Wear something special. Something I'll enjoy taking off of you slowly."

Her laughter rang out through the room and her father smiled at her. " I think I might have something that fits that description. I'll see you tonight at seven."

" Are you sure you can't get away before then ? It's so far away."

" Patience is a virtue."

" Then, I'll wait. But it's just going to make it that much worse for you when I finally do get you in my arms again."

" Or maybe it will make it better." She offered.

" I love you."

She sat up straighter and pulled the phone away to glance at the screen as if it had just done something impossible.

Saying it once after all that prompting and turmoil was one thing. But for him to just casually throw those words out there like saying them was the most natural thing in the world, she could barely believe her ears.

" I love you, too." She answered when she replaced the phone.

" I'll see you tonight." Then he was gone.

Her father's arm went around her and he pulled her tightly into his side. The movement brought her back to the reality of the moment, pulling her from the foggy, euphoria Chuck's words had inspired.

" I'm so happy for you, Sweetheart. I knew somehow even without Yale, you would make all our dreams come true."

She was waiting anxiously by the curb. Her rich brown, sleeve-less, low-cut dress swayed around her mid thigh as the wind picked up and she shifted on her matching heels. The material of the dress was light enough ( little more than a slip, really) that even the slight wind caused it to dance dramatically.

She ran a hand through her hair and hoped the Chuck would be pleased with her outfit. She had dressed for him, taken special care in making sure that every detail was perfect for him. She needed to be perfect. She needed him distracted.

Though she knew that wouldn't last. As soon as she told him that she hadn't broken up with Nate, their evening would be ruined. She was certain of that. But she had felt so helpless, staring at her father's face, seeing pride and love there instead of disappointment and anger.

Chuck would understand. She had been telling herself that since she left her father at the airport. If he really loved her, he would understand her need to make her father happy. He had done his share of stupid things to try to get his father's approval. Surely he couldn't fault her for doing the same.

But the worry was there, settling deep inside her and rising to almost a frenzied pitch.

She couldn't lose him over this. She wouldn't. If it really came to a choice between Chuck and her father, Chuck would win. Though she also knew that if Chuck forced her to make that choice, it would come between them.

The confusion was back again, raining down on her with an impossible force. She knew what she wanted. There was no doubt in her mind. Chuck was everything to her. She wasn't sure she could survive losing him again, especially not now, not now that she knew for sure how he felt.

The car pulled up in front of her and stopped. A moment later the chauffeur was holding the door opened for her and she was easing into the back of the limo.

She took a minute out of her worry to let herself bask in being back in this place. The place she first realized there was more to Chuck Bass than people saw. The place where he touched her for the first time, held her for the first time. She was back in the place where her life had changed completely.

It was funny to her how things like that worked. She had woken up that day like it was any other. There was no expectation of things to come or giddy excitement. It was an ordinary day, like any other, until it wasn't. She let her mind drift back over the events that led her to this very limo, sitting beside Chuck and feeling things that had no bases in reality.

It was like, for a time, the world had stopped around them. There was no outside influence. Just her and Chuck and the feel of his hands touching her and his lips devouring her. It was the sweetest, most erotic thing she had ever experienced. And she had had no idea it was coming.

Even while it was happening, she felt as if she were watching someone else in her skin, a bystander in her own life. The way he made her feel that night was beyond anything she had ever felt. More than her most intense experience before that point.

Being naive and inexperienced, at first, she thought it was the sex. She let herself believe that all sex was like that, powerful, consuming. Then after being with Nate for the first time, she realized with startling clarity that it wasn't just sex. It was sex with Chuck.

She hated herself for a while after that idea took root in her mind. She didn't want to be just one of the many pathetic, undignified women that trailed after him constantly. She didn't want to be just another one of his conquests.

When he told her, standing on the roof overlooking the city, that he couldn't stop thinking about her, when he suggested that he was feeling things similar to what she was, it was elating. Suddenly, it wasn't just sex with Chuck that was so powerful. It was sex between the two of them. She was an intricate part of the combination. Not just a willing participant.

Then another idea took hold. It had to mean something. There had to be something deep within them that made being together so very perfect. The fact that she loved him came to her slowly, like a seed took root in her brain and it took it a long time to come to maturity. But when it hit her, she was sure. She had never been more sure of anything she had ever felt.

As the limo slowed, she glanced out the window distractedly and her brow furrowed in confusion.  
She pressed the button to lower the window and scooted forward a bit on her seat. " Are we in Brooklyn ?" She asked the driver.

" Yes, Ma'am." He affirmed.

" Where are we going exactly ?" She wanted to know, suddenly wary.

" I'm not at liberty to say, Ma'am. Mr. Bass told me I wasn't to say anything."

She rolled the window back up with an impatient finger and focused on her surroundings. Why was he bringing her to Brooklyn ? What could he possibly have planned for her here ?

It was only a minute later when the limo pulled up to an apartment building and stopped. The driver opened her door and she stepped out to find Chuck leaning in the building's doorway with a dazzling smile.

She went to him, instantly wrapping her arms around his neck and kissing him as if she hadn't seen him in months.

" I've missed you." He breathed into her hair when they finally parted for air.

" I've missed you, too. Now tell me why we're in Brooklyn. You didn't tell me I was going to need vaccinations before I left civilization."

He laughed. " You'll see."

Then he took her hand and lead her through the door. She followed him up six flights of stairs, impatiently questioning him the entire way. He remained tight-lipped throughout the journey.

Finally, he stopped outside the door to an apartment. The only door on the entire floor and she nearly laughed out loud when it occurred to her that they had arrived at what was, in Brooklyn, the penthouse.

" I need to explain before we go any further." He announced, nervously playing with the key in his hand. " First off, if you don't like it, its not a big deal. We can find some place else. But I picked it because you said you wanted to be some place where no one would recognize us. Some place where we could go outside without being seen by anybody that mattered."

" This is Eden ?" She burst excitedly. " You already found our apartment ? And you picked Brooklyn ?"

" It was the best I could do on short notice. My people have been working on this since we talked. I've even spent all my spare time here making sure it was perfect." He told her proudly.

The giddy excitement was taking her over now that she realized what he was up to. She was practically bouncing on her toes when she tried to grab the key from his hand. It had only been a little over a week since they discussed getting an apartment. She hadn't expected it to happen so quickly.

He was too quick and managed to avert her attempt, but only just barely. " Are you sure you're ready for this ?"

" Yes, let me see already." She demanded.

He inserted the key and turned it slowly, barely nudging the door opened a crack before turning back to her.

" I think there is some sort of a tradition." He said before quickly bending and sweeping her into his arms.

Her arms went around his neck as she settled against his chest with uproarious laughter.  
" This tradition is for when you get married." She cackled merrily.

His eyes suddenly lost some of their humor for a moment but his smile remained. " Well, then maybe we'll consider this practice."

Her heart stopped beating completely and her head swam with dizziness. " I love you." was the only thing she could think of to say.

" I love you, too." he answered, still so unhesitating, so sure and confident with the words it astounded her.

Then he opened the door and took her inside.

It was bigger than she expected. Floor to ceiling windows littered the far wall, though the view wasn't anywhere near the UES standards, the light from them gave the space a warm feeling. The walls were an intricately designed mural. A deep green, luscious garden sprang from them, looking so alive and real under a true artists brush. She couldn't image what he had had to pay for the work of art that covered every available space, but it had to have been a fortune. The floor was also green, a plush, mossy green that made her want to take her shoes off and scrunch her toes into the deep pile. A fireplace graced the south wall and a hallway lead off to the north. There was no furniture, other than a fountain that bubbled gently, its waters falling in an array of dazzling colors from the lights in its base.

" I left you most of the apartment. I knew I'd never hear the end of it if I went shopping without you." He told her.

" But the walls, how did you...." She was still so lost in the realness of the mural.

" I know a guy. Well, actually I know several guys who have been working around the clock." He explained.

" It's beautiful." She announced with eyes full of wonder.

" It's Eden." He answered a touch shyly.

" Eden," She whispered, letting the word fall from her lips reverently.

" Let me show you the rest."

He pulled her through the utterly blank, very small kitchen without much of a pause. The same was true for the tiny bathroom in the middle of the hall.

When he got to the last room he stopped outside the door and turned to her again.

She took a step back. " You aren't going to pick me up again, are you ?"

He chuckled and took a step towards her. " Do you want me to ?"

She played with the lapel of his long, black coat and smiled at him from under lowered lashes. " I want you not to hurt yourself. I have plans for you."

" As if lifting you would ever be enough for me to hurt myself." He laughed. " Or enough to keep me from your plans. My arms could fall off and it wouldn't interrupt me from your plans tonight."

" Then what are you waiting for ?" She asked as she slid the coat from his shoulders and let it fall to the floor in a heap.

" I told you that I left you most of the apartment. It's all yours to do with whatever you want." She nodded in understanding. " Well," He continued. " This room is mine."

" You already decorated our bedroom ?" She asked, not really angry or even disappointed. But the careful, shy look in his eyes was too much for her not to enjoy teasing him.

" After we talked about it I had a few specific idea about what I wanted it to be. So my crew and I have been working very hard on this."

She quirked an eyebrow in disbelief.

" No, it's true." He smiled. " I was covered in paint and sweat until about an hour ago. It was a sight to see."

She laughed. " You should have taken a picture."

" That is why I was eternally grateful that I was in Brooklyn, for the first time in my life. I so didn't want to end up splattered all over Gossip Girl looking like that."

" I'm sure you've never looked more sexy. Now open the door, Chuck." She told him impatiently.

He nodded slightly and turned the knob, stepping back to let her enter first.

The first thing that hit her was the smell. The rest of the apartment had a nearly overwhelming odor of fresh paint and dust, a musty smell that she was sure would wear off pretty quickly. But here, while the other smell was there, over it all was a beautiful bouquet of florals ... magnolia, jasmine, rose. The mixture was a heavy, intricately created perfume that filled the entire room. It smelled like heaven and she took a deep breath to pull the aroma into her lungs.

Taking a tentative step forward, she felt Chuck's hand at the small of her back easing her inside. The carpet was the same mossy green, thick pile covering as the living room. And the mural was here as well, covering the walls in its beautiful, bright, colorful design. Vines of ivy wove through plants of every shape and color creating the illusion of standing in the most divine garden.

A large bed took up the center of the room, covered in a stunning, emerald green, velvet comforter. It's four posts rose nearly to the ceiling and held the frame for the delicate netting that surrounded the entire piece of furniture. Cherry wood nightstands stood on either side of the bed, each with a small lamp and a vase of flowers. Along one wall was a massive matching cherry wood dresser, complete with a mirror housed in an intricately carved frame. Vases of every shape and size covered the top, holding the bouquets responsible for the intoxicating scent.

A side table ran along the opposite wall, its top covered in flowers as well. Another wall held a vanity with a short bench and the remaining wall contained a large, overstuffed chaise lounge in the same green as the bed and bench cushion. Ficus trees in cherry wood planters hugged the corners of the room. Several hanging baskets of plants and flowers scattered across the ceiling.

The windows, two of them both floor to ceiling, like the living room, were covered at the moment in what appeared to be heavy shutters, also in a cherry frame, but the panels had been replaced with artwork depicting the sun setting on the ocean.

It was beautiful, stunning and she was utterly speechless as she looked around her in awe.

" You have to say something." Chuck said from her shoulder, reminding her that he was there. For an instant she had forgotten, completely caught off guard by the perfection around her.

" Something," She murmured under her breath.

He came around her, studying her face. " It's too much, isn't you ? The decorator said she thought it was over the top. But I insisted that I wanted over the top. We can fix it. We can start over from scratch if you -"

She stopped him with her lips, kissing him fiercely. " It's wonderful. I couldn't have done any better."

His smile was instant and full as he beamed down at her. " Are you sure ?"

" This is a new side of you, something I would have never guessed. You really don't take compliments very well. And here I thought you liked yourself so much that it would be easy to hear how great you are from someone else." She teased.

He rolled his eyes before kissing her again. " I'm glad you like it."

" If God had created Eden in Brooklyn, this is what it would have looked like." She answered.

He laughed out loud. But he quickly went back to the bashful, hesitate look. " You aren't mad because I did this without you ?"

The thought of being angry with him seemed unbelievable to her as the weight of what she would eventually have to tell him came crashing back down on her. " I'm not angry." She said, making her way to the chaise lounge and perching on its edge.

" Then what's wrong ? Something is bothering you. I can see it." He came to sit beside her and pulled her into his arms, resting her back against his chest as his chin fell to her shoulder.

She thought about telling him everything. She knew she should. Not telling him would only make it all worse. But again, even as the words settled in her mouth she couldn't make them pass her lips.

" Can we not talk about it tonight ? I just want to enjoy all this for a while." She answered.

He tightened his arms around her. " You say that like you aren't expecting to be able to enjoy this for long. If it's something important, then we should talk about it."

She twisted, turning to face him so she could kiss him. " Do you love me ?"

" More than anything else in the world." He answered quickly.

" Then that's all that matters. We will talk about it. Just not tonight. Tonight I want to lose myself in our own private paradise."

His lips were set in a firm, tight line. " Is whatever's bothering you going to jeopardize our future enjoyment of our private paradise ?"

" I'd like to think we're past all that now. I want to believe that nothing will ever jeopardize our future again." She replied, praying that she was right.

" Is this about your father visiting this morning ?" He asked, wisely.

Her shoulders slumped and she sighed heavily. " I don't want to talk about it right now."

" In the morning ?"

She nodded. " In the morning, I'll tell you everything in the morning. Now, Adam," She started removing his tie. " Make love to me."

He pushed her away long enough to get to his feet, before scooping her up and lifting her. " Gladly, Eve."


	8. Chapter 8

Waking alone in a strange bed in the total darkness granted by the window shutters was disorienting and it took her a minute to realize where she was and fumble with the lamp on the table at her head. As soon as she flicked the switch, the green Tiffany shade blared to life and illuminated the room.

Blair sat up and glanced over the space, searching for Chuck, but finding nothing.

Stretching and yawning, she got up without bothering to find any clothes and padded barefoot down the hall. It was her first experience with being able to walk around completely nude and the feeling was liberating and uplifting. Glancing towards the opened bathroom door and the unoccupied kitchen, she continued down the hall into the living room.

The firelight from the hearth granted his pale, naked skin a glow that seemed to luminescence all on its own. He was stretched out on his side, staring into the fire on a blanket, one knee bent leisurely as he sipped from a glass of amber colored liquid.

He hadn't noticed her approach or if he had, he hadn't reacted to it. He seemed lost in thought, his brow lightly crinkled and his lips slightly pursed.

She molded herself against the archway, trying to mask her presence while she watched him. She noted that despite the look of concentration on his face, his shoulders were relaxed and he appeared, overall, more peaceful and content that she had ever seen him.

" There's plenty of room here for two." He said, without looking up or giving any other acknowledgement of her being there.

Slowly pulling herself from the wall, she moved to the blanket and knelt beside him. " You looked like you were thinking about something awfully hard. I didn't want to interrupt."

He set his glass aside and pulled her into his arms, nestling her comfortably into his chest as he kissed her shoulder. " Just work. It's nothing really." He brushed off her concerned tone.

" Is everything alright ?" She asked, twisting around to see his face.

" It's fine. Nothing I can't handle. What has you up at three in the morning ?"

She wound her arms around his neck and curved the rest of her into his body, one leg draped over his possessively. " I woke up and you weren't there. So I had to come find you."

He bent his head to shoulder and kissed it again. " I'm glad you did." He whispered.

Then his arms tightened around her as he pulled her more firmly into him. His hands began to roam the contours of her back, playing over her spine.

At one time she believed that she would never enjoy the gentle, tender touches of truly making love. The slow, lingering pace had always frustrated her when Nate did it. She began to think that she would never find real pleasure in making love, thinking she needed the animistic passion that came with sex instead to bring out her lust.

Now, as Chuck laid a tortuously slow path across her collarbone with his lips and tongue, she knew she was wrong. It hadn't been making love that wasn't working for her, it had all been about her partner. She realized now, though it had taken a lot of time, that she would never be happy or even content again, if Chuck wasn't beside her.

He laid her back against the blanket and eased away from her. Then he brought his hand from where it was tangled in her hair, over her shoulder, down the column of her throat and down the center of her chest. His fingertips barely brushed her skin, his gaze stayed fixated on his hand, watching it as it molded perfectly around her breast. " I love you." He whispered before dipping his head down and lathing the base of her throat with his tongue.

She arched her chest upwards, driving her body into his touch and his mouth. " I love you, too." She answered, her breath already beginning to heave with desire.

His thumb brushed over her straining nipple and it brought a strangled groan from her lips which she quickly did her best to muffle.

He pulled back long enough to shake his head. " That is the point of having this place to ourselves."

She blinked at him trying to focus on what he was saying, but he was pulling at her nipple now, tugging it as he rolled it before his fingers, the movement brought another gasp.

" What's the point ?" She finally managed.

He leaned forward, his lips brushing hers as he spoke, while the lower half of his body covered hers possessively. " The point is that you can make all the noise you want. You don't have to hold anything back here." He kissed her roughly, causing her to clutch at his shoulders. " I want to hear every moan." He rasped against her jaw before nipping her. " Every groan." He licked his way over her collarbone. "I want to hear every sound you make and know that I'm the reason for every one of them."

She gasped, digging her nails into his flesh, not knowing whether it was his words or his mouth that caused her to buck against him.

He hissed as her nails raked across his back, but instead of pulling away, he only sucked at the base of her throat harder.

Panic seized her for a moment at the thought of the mark he might be leaving and he felt her tense.

" Please," He smiled, batting away her concern. " I'm a professional. I won't mark you, at least not where anyone could see." His tongue darted out to taste her as she relaxed under him. " Trust me."

Of course she did. It was unnecessary for him to even tell her. She had always trusted him. She always knew that he would never hurt her, not like this.

Her hands came up to tangle in his hair, drawing his seeking mouth more firmly into her. Everywhere he touched tingled as if her skin was coming alive under his roving fingertips.

She shuddered as he took first one nipple and then the other into his mouth and rolled his tongue around its peak.

Continuing his assault to her senses he resumed the trail, starting at the valley between her breast and moving down the center of her chest. He detoured long enough to trace over her ribs, outlining them with the wetness from his lips.

At her stomach, he paused and looked up at her as if a thought had suddenly occurred to him.

" What ?" She whispered as she held his fiery gaze.

" I don't think I have ever seen you completely lose control." He answered, pondering the words even as they left his lips.

" What ?" She asked, bewildered.

He was back at her mouth before she could say anymore, kissing the very last of the breath from her lungs. He looked down at her briefly as they panted for oxygen in the shared air between them. Something glinted in his eyes, something dark and dangerous that did nothing to help her catch her breath.

When he kissed her again, it was more of the same, stealing every last bit of oxygen from her, devouring her until her chest screamed with need, her body pulsed with desire.

" Chuck," She gasped as he moved to another part of her.

He smiled against her shoulder. " That's a start. But I want more."

He took her hand in his and held it up to his lips, kissing her palm with delicious slowness. Then he moved to her wrist, wrapping his lips around it and sucking feverishly.

She gasped, not really understanding her own body's reaction but unable to think about it too hard. He was smiling again as he watched her reaction. He stayed there for a long moment, refusing to move until her gasp became a cry and her free hand buried itself in his hair once again. Then he licked a tortuously slow trail up her arm, stopping for a brief nip along the way, until he came to her elbow. His mouth latched onto the inside of the bend of her arm and again he was sucking so hard it was almost painful. But it wasn't until his teeth grazed her the sensitive flesh that she cried out this time.

His next stop was her shoulder, where he nipped and licked a trail over the curve, across her collarbone and over the opposite shoulder.

He reversed the motion with this arm, stopping first at her elbow, before going to her wrist, then returning to elbow.

By the time he was back at her shoulder, her body felt so tightly wound she was afraid just one more touch would have her coming undone. She was writhing against him, the groans and gasps falling unhindered from her parted lips while each precious, heaving pant of air burned her like it was on fire. Sweat covered her, causing him to slid easily along her shoulder, up the side of her neck before capturing the lobe of her ear between his teeth. Always a weak point for her, she cried out and again dug her nails into his shoulder.

" Oh my God, Chuck !" She whimpered as he began to suck on her lobe.

He let go and beamed a bright smile at her. " Oh, that's much better."

She barely heard him, barely understood the smugness written all over his face before he went to the base of her throat, again. But something in her mind registered that the torture he was bestowing on her deserved a fitting revenge, next time.

This time, she simply threw her head back and let herself indulge in his onslaught.

He was back at her breast, drawing another long, loud, wail from her.

Then he shifted, angling himself directly over her and she instinctually wrapped her legs over his narrow waist. He was throbbing, so hot and ready it felt like he was burning her thigh.

Unsure either of them could stand anymore, she rocked her hips, adjusting until he was poised at her entrance.

" I'm not done." He informed her as he tried to pull away.

" I am." She answered and raised her hips, quickly impaling him deeply inside her.

He cried out this time, shocked into stillness by being suddenly engulf within her. " That isn't playing fair." He replied as he ground into her, pelvis grinding against pelvis.

Anything else he was about to say was lost as he apparently realized he was helpless to do anything but rock with her. He let her set the pace, for a time, not frenzied, but not lingering, just a steady pushing and pulling.

She was gasping, crying out with every thrust of his hips against hers. It was too much. She grabbed at his shoulders, clinging to him desperately.

His hands flexed at the bend of her hips, pulling her into him. And as she watched, something shifted on his face. He bent to kiss her, readjusting her legs around him as he did and in an instant the pace was no longer steady or unhurried. He was pushing into her so forcefully her teeth mashed together with every thrust. His hands were wrapped around her shoulders pulling her entire body down as he plunged so hard and so fast all she could do was hold on for the ride.

The end for them both came at the same instant, each of them howling out the others name loud enough to echo throughout the empty room.

Moments later, when his breath finally returned, he leaned back again and regarded her for a long, drawn out moment. Then he wet his lips with the tip of his tongue as if his mouth was suddenly dry. " I don't think I've ever seen anything more beautiful than you light by firelight. We may have to move the bed in here."

She laughed lightly as she touched his cheek. " What would the neighbors think if they ever come by to borrow a cup of sugar ?"

He dropped his head again, tasting the flesh over her stomach softly," We don't have neighbors. I bought the building. All the other apartments are empty."

She rolled her eyes at him." Of course, you did. I should have known that already."

" I was thinking we could take each apartment and turn it into something different." He suggested, offhandedly. " That way we could," He paused to nip at her skin. " have Paris in one apartment," another nip, " Maybe a Caribbean island in a different one."

She laughed lightly. " Your own little playhouse to live out all your role playing fantasies."

His tongue swirled over her navel before delving inside. " Precisely." He smiled up at her from under lowered lashes with a wicked glint in his eye.

There was something behind the playful mischievousness of his smile that made her pause. Something so deep and emotional she knew she couldn't go on without telling him any longer.

Pushing up on her elbows, she eased him back with a hand on his shoulder. His expression was quizzical when he sat back and looked at her.

" I love you." She began, thinking it was best to remind him of that right off.

" I love you, too." He answered, trying to lean in and kiss her again. But she stopped him with her hand. His eyes narrowed again and his face became stony. " Is this about what you were going to tell me in the morning ?"

She hated that he knew her so well. It was becoming irritating. But she nodded and wet her lips. " I need to tell you something, something I did that I know I shouldn't have, but I just couldn't help it," Now she was babbling and she couldn't seem to stop. " He was just there and he was looking at me and he didn't know about us or any of the things that have happened. I just couldn't make him stop smiling at me."

His hands went to her arms and he shook her slightly, drawing her attention and calming her as he looked into her eyes. " Calm down." He whispered. " Whatever you did, we'll figure it out. Now slowly tell me what happened."

She took a deep breath, pushing the shakiness she suddenly felt as far away as she could. " My father came to visit this morning." He nodded. " He came to tell me how proud he was of me for getting my life back on track. He told me he was proud of me for getting back together with Nate."

He pursed his lips sagely and nodded his head. " And you didn't say anything to dispute that illusion."

She shook her head, watching him closely for any sign of anger. But as hard as she searched, it wasn't there. " Say something." She told him after he was silent for far too long.

" Something." He muttered, though his tone wasn't angry, it was more sad than anything else.

" Chuck," She whined as she laid a hand gingerly against his chest, so very afraid he was going to jerk away from her.

" It's okay." He told her, forcing a lopsided smile.

" What's okay ?" She asked.

" You're going back to Nataniel, right ?"

She jumped back as if he had burned her. " What !? Of course not."

" If you aren't leaving then, what happens now ?" He raised his eyebrows at her. His voice, his entire demeanor was so calm it was terrifying.

She looked down at her hands, studying her nails as she tried to formulate an answer.

" There's apparently more that you aren't saying. Just tell me all of it." He told her, judging correctly by the look in her eyes.

She sighed and let her shoulders slump. " My father hates you. He went on and on about how bad you were for me. I wanted to argue with him but I just couldn't get the words to come out."

He raised his hand and rested it lightly on her shoulder and she froze at the touch. It was so unexpectedly tender. Then the hand moved and his fingers brushed away a few tears that had fallen to her cheek. She hadn't realized she was crying.

" I know how much your father means to you, Blair. Of course he hates me. He loves you. How could he not hate me after everything I've put you through."

She shook her head. " None of that matters anymore. He doesn't know you like I do."

" And considering that he's an ocean away, it's going to be hard to fix that problem." He commented.

Her eyes brightened with a sudden idea. " Let's spent the entire summer in Paris. Once he sees who you really are, he'll love you as much as I do."

He glanced away from her. " I so badly don't want to say this. You have no idea how wonderful the idea of jetting you off to Paris for the summer sounds."

" But ?" She prompted.

"I'm trying to do something here. I just took over the company. I'm slowly gaining the Shareholder's trust, but it hasn't been easy. Jack made sure of that. If I pick up and disappear for three months, I'll lose any ground I've gained with them."

She blinked at him unbelievingly, stunned by the words that had just left his mouth. Then her eyes were filled with tears again and she had no idea why exactly. But she knew exactly what she had to say to him. " I may not have known him very well, but I knew him enough to tell you that your father would be so proud of you."

His eyes dropped to his lap for a moment before he looked up at her with a beaming smile. " Lily said the same thing to me this morning at breakfast." His gaze fell again before he looked back at her without the smile this time. " And your father is proud of you, too. How could I stand in the way of that? I know how much his approval means to you."

" I'm not leaving you." She announced before he even had to chance to suggest it. Something in his stare told her he was about to. " His approval isn't nearly as important to me as you are. I couldn't stand not being with you."

He gave her a smile though it didn't reach his eyes. " Then we'll think of something."

" Something that doesn't involve us not being together ?" She asked, with a touch of warning.

" Your father wants you to be with Nataniel. He thinks it's what's best for you. Maybe he's right."

She grabbed both his shoulder roughly and gave him a little jerk. " Being with you is what's best for me, Chuck. There is nothing you can say to convince me otherwise."

He winced slightly at the pressure of her hands but didn't pull away. " Okay, then we need to come up with a plan where you can have both."

" You think I should stay with Nate, lie to him and string him along because it's what my father wants me to do ?"

" That wouldn't be fair to him." He answered.

" No it wouldn't." she agreed.

" But, your father is, like I said, an ocean away. Maybe what he doesn't know won't hurt him."

She shook her head. " My father knows everything that goes on in my life. The minute anything happens, my mother is on the phone telling him all about it. She's worse than Gossip Girl."

His eyes brightened instantly and he gave her a genuine smile for the first time since they began the conversation. " Well, then it isn't your father's approval that I need to win."

She thought about that for a split second before realizing he was right. But the doubt was back before she had a chance to enjoy the victory. " I've been trying to gain my mother's approval since I was old enough to know what it meant. She's not an easy woman to impress."

He chuckled. " I know a little something about trying to gain a parent's approval. I spent my childhood doing it, too. I also know something about impressing un-impressible people. I don't think Bart would have been impressed if I had discovered Atlantis or cured cancer."

" That's not true." She chided.

" It felt true." He answered quietly. Then he shook himself as if physically trying to remove the dark thoughts from his head. " Anyway, I'll just have to work on her. And in the meantime..."

" You think I should stay with Nate." She said before he could.

He nodded. " I think you should stay with Nate. It's for the best right now."

She agreed reluctantly. " And we can still have Eden."

He grabbed her into his chest, holding her tightly as he kissed her. " No matter what else ever happens in our lives. We will always have Eden."


	9. Chapter 9

She ran into the apartment, hearing the door slamming behind her only as an afterthought. Tears streamed down both her cheeks and she couldn't be bothered to stop them.

Flinging herself down on the bed, their bed, she grabbed a pillow and finally let all the sobs she had pent up inside loose.

How could this have possibly happened ? This was not part of her plan. She couldn't allow it. It was too cruel, too painful. She wasn't sure she could live through the travesty.

A warm hand fell on her back and she jerked in frightened response. But as soon she found Chuck's eyes, she went to him and buried her face into his chest. He looked down at her with a stricken expression as he watched her crumble into him.

" What is it ? You message said it was urgent that I get here as quickly as possible." He croaked worriedly.

" My mother." She sobbed, unable to form coherent words. " My mother just told me because he was too much of a coward to tell me himself while he was here."

" Something happened to your father ?" Chuck asked, still trying to figure out what was going on, all the while holding her closer while she wept.

" She said it was the real reason he came to visit the other day. He just couldn't figure out how to tell me, so he let her do it. He's a Bastard and I hate him." She wailed into his shirt.

He shifted drawing her away from him so he could see her face. " What couldn't he tell you, Blair ?"

She sniffed and tried to control the sobs that were racking through her body.

" She said that he's dying."

" What ?!" He exclaimed drawing her into him again. " How ? When did this happen ?"

" He has a high grade supratentorial gliomas." She tried to explain, tripping over the foreign, unusual words her mother had given her.

" He has what ?" Chuck asked.

" An inoperable brain tumor. It's cancer. My father has cancer."

He paled visibly even as his arms tightened around her even more. " We'll find him the best doctors. I'll make sure he has the best possible care. He's not going to die, Blair."

She shook her head, rubbing her cheek against the wetness on his shirt as she did. " He is going to die, Chuck. He already has the best doctors. They told him his best case scenario was two years. But they doubted he would get that much."

" Two years ! How is that ever the best case scenario ? His doctors are idiots. We'll find better ones." He protested.

" He stopped in New York on his way to the Mayo Clinic in Florida. They're the leading experts in the field." She replied, suddenly calm as if he were pulling some of her hysteria into himself and away from her. The more upset he got, the calmer she felt.

" Your father is strong. He'll beat this." He continued on defiantly refusing to listen to her reason.

Tears welled in her eyes again as she pulled back from him and shook her head. " No, he won't. He really won't. There isn't anything anyone can do. Right now he's fighting for a few more months, at best."

" God, Blair. I'm so sorry." He grabbed her again and let his warmth fill her up. " I know what losing a parent can do to you. I swear I'll be here for you through every part of this. You won't be alone." He promised.

She nodded against his chest. " I love you." was her only answer.

" I love you, too." He replied quietly.

Then the tears started all over again and she couldn't seem to make them stop. Deep, body shaking sobs that filled her entire being fell from her lips while he just continued to hold her.

Finally, when she quieted she raised her chin far enough to meet his eyes. Hers burned and felt so heavy and puffy it was almost impossible to see him, but she managed.

There was more that he needed to know.

" My mother said..." She trailed off as his eyes met hers and she suddenly couldn't seem to force the words from her mouth. They tasted sour and rotten on her tongue.

" What is it ?" He prompted, giving her an encouraging look.

" She said he told her that he was grateful that I was back with Nate and the one thing he wanted more than anything else in the world before he died was to see us married and happy." She told him, closing her eyes to keep from seeing the pain in his face at her confession.

He tensed under her hands. But his voice was even and calm when he spoke. " Then really you have no choice, do you ?"

" I can't marry him, Chuck. I love you. It's too much. It's taking this whole thing too far." She argued jumping from the bed and beginning to pace restlessly.

He laughed, but the sound held no humor at all. Then he was in front of her, taking her shoulders in his hands to stop her movement. " It's your father's dying wish. How can you not do it ? Is there really anything that's too much in that circumstance ? Right now there is no definition for too far if makes him happy."

" I won't leave you. I might as well die with him if I have to do that." She refused quickly.

" No one said anything about you leaving me. And I know this entire thing makes us terrible, horrible people, but can you really live with yourself if you don't do everything in your power to make his last days as happy as they can possibly be ? "

So here she was, three days later, standing outside his door.

She took a deep breath to steel her nerves against what she was about to do. When she realized her hands were still shaking, she buried them in the pockets of her long, white trench coat and threw her shoulders back defiantly.

She could do this. She would do this. It was what her father wanted her to do, what he expected of her. How could she possibly let him down again ?

Remembering the look of pride and acceptance in his face when they last spoke willed her feet forward, propelling her into the stately, paneled study.

" Nate." She smiled when she spied him sitting behind the desk, already looking for all the world like he belonged there, like he was born to sit there. The heavy, dark wood, intricately carved desk framed him from the waist up, giving him a sense of majesty and power that she didn't normally associate with him. His Grandfather's portrait stared down at them from the wall behind the desk with a self-appreciative, almost mocking smile. On either side of him stood two bookshelves weighed down with so many volumes ranging in subjects from polo to politics and everything else a good Archibald might need to know at any given moment.

" Come in," Nate smiled up at her and indicted a chair in front of the desk.

She settled into red velvet wingback chair that was clearly centuries old and sank into its soft cushion, using it for a bit of added support.

This was Nate, for God's sake. She had been playing him for years. Nothing had changed. He might appear older and wiser but inside he was the exact same gullible, naive creature she had always known. This wouldn't be so hard. She could this. It would be like taking candy from a baby.

" I've missed you." She mewed at him, batting her heavily made up eyelashes for all they were worth.

" We just saw each other less than a week ago." He smiled, tensely.

" That's right. Its been five days actually and I've missed you every minute of it." She replied smoothly, giving him her best Scarlet O'Hara impersonation. The simularities of their situation with oen of her favorite movies was not lost on her. She was Scarlet to Chuck's Rhett and here in front of her was poor innocent Ashley Wilson, a mere pawn in her scheme. Really it made her stomach churn to think of one of her best friends in that light, but it was a reality she couldn't escape and feeling guitly about it did nothing to ease how wrong the entire thing was.

He came around the desk and took the matching chair beside her. " What's gotten into you ?"

Pouting her ruby red lips, she raised her hand up to the collar of her coat and began undoing the button. " It's just been a long time since we had a moment alone together." She answered sweetly. " I'm tired of waiting for the right time for us. I'm tired of all the fumbling and trying."

She was down to the second button now and as she undid it, she pulled the material aside so he could spy the lace of her bra underneath. Then she crossed her legs, raising the coat enough in the process to give him a glimpse of the top of her stocking as she did.

Swallowing hard, his eyes widen as he looked at her thigh. " Blair, what are you doing ? My mother's home."

She licked her lips making them glisten in the sunlight beaming in from the floor to ceiling windows covering one entire wall of the study. " So take me somewhere more private."

He snatched her hand and had her on her feet, propelling her along behind him without another word passing between them.

She closed her eyes as they moved down the hall towards his room.  
She could do this, she told herself again. She had to do this.

Her recent distance had put a heavy strain between her and Nate. Of course it had. She was in love with someone else. How could that not put a damper on a relationship ? But she couldn't afford to let it linger any longer. She had to do something to make their relationship more solid. She needed firmer ground of she was going to pull this whole thing off and what better way to cement a relationship than sex. Particularly when it came to Nate. He didn't see the two as unconnected like some men did. For him it all went hand and hand.

So she let him lead her on, down the long, beautifully decorated corridors and through the stunningly tasteful rooms of the Archibald compound.

She had managed not to think about Chuck once since she'd arrived at the house. He knew, of course, that this was part of their plan. He had agreed that the surest way to keep Nate was to bed him. But he had done it through gritted teeth with his hands balled into fists the whole time. After all, Chuck was not a man that shared his toys easily.

It was with that thought that she told him not to think about it again. He didn't need to know about this part of their plan. It was best if he just left it to her and trusted that she could manage to get it done.

There was a great sense of relief in her when Nate yanked her into his bedroom and shut the door before pinning her against it. She didn't have to feel guilty this time. There was no reason for her not to imagine it was Chuck's hands running down her sides, Chuck's lips trailing over her jawline.

He tugged the sides of her coat aside and continued his trail along the lapels. His hands had moved to the next button in line and he was tugging it uselessly with his large, inept fingers.

" Let me." She whispered, pushing his hands away and easily moving the button through the hole that was made for it. Then she moved to the next, keeping her speed tantalizingly slow as she did, drawing out each move as he stepped back and watched her with rapt attention.

A flash of her stomach peaked through the thick material and his eyes widen as he understood that she really did, in fact, have nothing else on besides the coat and her lacy lingerie.

Once the last button was unfastened, she pulled it from her shoulders teasingly, letting it fall in a white pool at her feet.

Underneath there was more white. A white teddy with garters attached and white stockings from Paris. She bent over, pretending to straighten the seam that run up the backs of her legs, but her real goal was to push her breasts up, causing them to nearly topple from their scant enclosure.

He swallowed again, audibly and hard enough that his Adam's apple bobbed with the effort.

" Blair," He whispered as he stepped closer and took her into his arms while she slide the navy jacket from him and let it join hers on the floor.

" I want this to work this time." She told him, her breath hot in his ear. " No more chances. We can do this."

" Yes," He answered in a pant as his hands flew over her back, touching as much of her bare flesh as he could get to.

It had killed him. She could see it all over his face when she asked him for the favor. They were sitting in their bed in Eden. She was draped over his chest in a boneless post coital heap. And the instant she mentioned Nate's name, she felt Chuck tense under her. Then the favor had caused even more turmoil. But he had complied, telling her all of Nate's secrets, anything that could possible aid her in her quest for seduction. All the information that best friends manage to garner about each other over the years, it was all hers now. But it came with a heavy price. The look on Chuck's beautiful face as he relayed the information and imagined what she was planning to do with it, cost her a piece of her soul.

But it was a necessary evil and he had done his best to not let her see how much it bothered him. But she wasn't easily fooled when it came to Chuck. Nate might consider himself Chuck's best friend but he was wrong, always had been. It had always been her. They had been lying, cheating and scheming together since grade school. Their unholy alliance began over lunch one day when Nate was out sick and it had never faltered except in the years that they pretended to hate each other while fighting their mutual, growing attraction. But even then, if the occasion arose for a bit of mayhem, you could always find the two of them with their head together planning their dastardly deeds.

She closed her eyes as Nate's warm mouth closed over one already taunt nipple. She hated the way her body was responding to his touch. She shouldn't be enjoy this. It wasn't fair. But a nipple does what it's supposed to do when it's touched, regardless of the ownership of the mouth doing the touching. It was a simple fact of life.

She threw her head back and groaned, not from need but in a desire to play her part well. Again, sex with Nate wasn't unpleasant or unseemly. It just wasn't sex with Chuck. It would never ever even come close. So when she groaned it was an act. She was an actress today, cast in the role of a character that wanted the man touching her more than she wanted anything else in the world.

And he was buying it all, hook, line and sinker. It was evident when he stooped down, lifted her into his chest and carried her to the bed.


	10. Chapter 10

The smog-filled, rain-heavy air outside his window looked dark and ominous and somehow that was exactly how it should be. He wasn't sure he could take the sun mocking him from on high, blaring, bright and chipper through the glass.

Chuck Bass stood with his hands clasped behind his back, silently staring without seeing anything really. He had no idea how long he had been standing there, no clue how much time had passed since he left his desk because the words on the paper he was trying to read kept running together until they made absolutely no sense.

He was tired, hadn't had a decent night's sleep in longer than he could remember. Two nights, maybe. No, it was three, the last time he'd spent the night at Eden.

That was the night she'd called, sobbing and wailing that she needed him. The night she'd told him about her father. And nearly everything that followed, their usual pleasant scheming and planning had turned into something that almost killed him.

Talking about her with Nate, thinking about her with him, imagining them together, it was eating at him, clawing at his soul as every image flashed through his mind.

And now it was almost time to begin his part in the plan and that thought twisted his insides even more.

A soft twittering from his desk brought his attention there and he went to the intercom and pushed the button.

" What ?" He snapped, not meaning for his voice to sound quite so rough.

" Mrs. Bass is here to see you. Should I let her in ?" The young girl asked timidly.

" Yes, let her in." He answered, taking his chair and picking up the paperwork again.

A moment later, Lily Bass, looking as calm and composed as she always did, brushed into the room and stopped just in front of his desk. She was right in the middle of talking about a meeting they had later in the day, when she halted her speech in mid word and really looked at him.

" What's happened ? You look terrible." She asked as she slid softly into one of the chairs in front of the desk. " Did something happen with Blair ?"

He blinked at her in surprise, caught off guard for a moment by her suddenly maternal face and demeanor. It shocked him in its unfamiliarity. He had seen the look before, Nate's mother looked at him like that all the time, Lily looked at Serena and Eric like that regularly. It was the way Harold always looked at Blair. Like a parent that really cared about her child. It was a mothering look, something gentle and soothing around the eyes. He had never before in his entire eighteen years had anyone look at him like that.

The papers slid out of his fingers, falling with a quiet flutter to the desk and the movement startled him enough to bring him out of his shock before Lily noticed it, he hoped.

" Blair's father is dying." He announced as he sat back in his chair.

Lily, for her part, still sat perched on the very end of her chair, like she thought she might have to leap up to catch him at any moment. Like she was afraid in the next few moments he might fall apart completely.

Her face turned from concerned to understanding. " I'm so sorry, Charles. I hadn't heard."

He shook his head. " I'm not sure they're really telling people yet." He answered. " Blair was upset and she called me."

" Of course she was. I can't imagine what they must be going through. Has Harold been sick ?"

" No, he was just diagnosed. He has a brain tumor. They say its inoperable and malignant and he might have two years left." He explained.

" I'll have to call Elenore and offer our support." She announced.

He held up his hand. " Don't do that until they make this common knowledge. I don't need anymore reasons for Elenore to not like me."

" How is Blair ?" She asked after a nod in agreement. " Does she need anything ? Is there anything I can do to help ?"

He shook his head again. " I wouldn't know. We aren't seeing each other anymore."

Lily jumped to her feet immediately. " Oh, Charles, what did you do ?"

He looked at his hands briefly before looking back at her with a sardonic smile. " You automatically assume it was me."

She retook her seat and smiled back at him. " I'm sorry. Just habits, you know."

He waved off her apology. " It's fine. I understand. But this time it was a mutual decision. Harold told Elenore that the one thing he wanted before he died was to see Blair married to Nataniel."

She sat back and eyed him carefully. " So you just stepped aside ?"

He nodded in answer.

" Just like that ?" She asked again.

He nodded again.

" I'm supposed to believe this ?" She inquired flatly.

He kept his face composed while he searched her face with his eyes, trying to see if she really didn't believe the story or whether she was just testing him. Hoping he'd slip up and say something he shouldn't. He thought she knew him better than that.

" Yes, you are supposed to believe that. It's the truth." He told her.

She shook her head and gave him a disbelieving smirk. " I'm sorry, I don't believe that you just let Blair walk away with a fight, or without something. There's more going on here."

He eyed her again, studying her closely and the shifted in his chair. " We haven't exactly stopped seeing each other." He allowed finally. " And she doesn't exactly plan on staying married after ...." He let the rest of the sentence drift off, not wanting to mention the impending death.

She sat back up and gave him the motherly eyes again. " Oh, Charles. You know this isn't a good idea. Either let her go or keep her. This way is wrong."

He stood up and towered over the desk at her. " Don't you think I know it's wrong ? Of course it's wrong. We just don't have any other choice."

She jumped at his tone slightly, but then her eyes settled back on his and her face took on an entirely different look. " You really love her." She told him sagely.

Sinking back into his chair he held her eyes and nodded. " Apparently so." It was a sad statement, one full of despair and pain and too many other emotions to name.

Her face broke and he thought for a moment that the time had come when she was going to leap to her feet and catch him before he broke. She even rocked slightly on the edge of her seat like she was fighting to keep from coming around the desk and trying to hold him.

He had no idea how he would react if she made the attempt.

But she saved him the worry when she stilled again. " Does Nataniel know about the plan ? Is he in on the wedding?"

" Nataniel's skills don't really lay in the field of acting. We thought it would be best to keep him in the dark. One less person to torture." He answered.

" How terrible this whole thing is going to be !" She sighed.

And Chuck's anger flared. How could she think about how terrible this was for Nate. Hopelessly in the dark, naive and innocent Nate. Nate, that got to hold her whenever he wanted. Nate, that got to touch her anytime he chose. Nate, that slept beside her most nights.

" Yes, it will be awful for him." He ground out between gritted teeth.

She blinked at him in surprise. " I wasn't talking about Nataniel. I was thinking about you and Blair, of course. But mostly you."

His body relaxed as his anger fell quickly to the wayside. " I didn't mean to snap at you. This whole thing has me a little less than myself."

She got to her feet and then she did what he had been hoping she wouldn't. She came around the desk and stepped up beside him. Then, bending, she wrapped her arms around his shoulders and pulled him against her. He stiffened at first, having no idea how to respond to her show of emotion, but she was persistent and finally he let his arms come around her in return.

" I'm so sorry all this is happening. I can't imagine what this must be doing to you. Is there anything I can do to help ?" She asked quietly against his cheek.

He allowed her to hug him for a few more seconds, letting himself enjoy the comfort as well. Then he let her go and she complied and stepped away from him. " I'm fine. It's all fine. We have it all worked out." He assured her.

She leaned back against the desk, propping herself on its edge. " What does that mean ?"

" It means that its being handled. The whole thing is being handled." He tried again. He had meant to reassure her that everything was fine. But the look on her face said she was even more concerned now.

" I don't like the sound of that." She told him. " What else is there to handle besides letting her go back to Nate ?"

He sat back, inclining his head so that he could see her better from her height advantage. " I'm meeting Nate later for dinner. I'm going to push him in the right direction."

She crossed her arms over her chest slowly. " You are going to talk your best friend into marrying the woman you love tonight ?"

When she put it that way it sounded like the most absurd, idiotic thing he could imagine. But she was absolutely right. That was exactly what he was doing.

" I guess so." He mumbled quietly, as he looked away from her.

Her hand fell to his shoulder and he tried not to flinch at the unexpected contact.

"Don't do this. Let Serena talk to him or even Dan. You are not his only friend. Don't put yourself through this." She sounded almost as if she were begging him.

" I'm the one he will listen to the most though. I'm the one that can really convince him. It has to be me." He answered.

" Can you even do this ?" Sh asked, studying his face.

" Can I convince Nataniel that he loves her too much to ever let her go again ?" He laughed without any humor in it at all, then added a snort. " Sure, I just have to make him think he's me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The small out of the way, nearly empty restaurant was peaceful, bordering on serene and Chuck almost laughed at the inconsistency between his surrounding and himself.

He was feeling anything but peaceful or serene. In fact, he could almost feel the knots in his shoulders tightening with every minute that passed.

At first he figured this wouldn't be so hard. He had done things he hadn't wanted to do before. It wasn't that horrible a thing. It certainly wasn't anything that would make his palms sweat and the tie around his neck to feel like a noose.

He was nearly fidgeting when Nate walked up, almost to the point of biting his nails.

" I'm sorry I'm late. I had something I needed to do and it took longer than I expected." Nate apologized as he slid into the chair across from him.

Chuck gave him a smile and waved his hand. " It's fine. I understand. These things happen. So what's been going on with you ? We haven't talked in weeks."

They were still browsing their menus when the waiter approached and Chuck quickly ordered himself another scotch and one for Nate as well.

" I've been good. You know, keeping busy." Nate answered.

" How are things with Blair ?" He cut to the chase, wanting the entire thing to just be done with. He wanted out, needed to escape. Suddenly, he felt like maybe Lily was right. Maybe he couldn't do this.

" Things are great with Blair."

Chuck shifted, draining his glass of scotch in one gulp. " You managed to work past that little problem you mentioned the other day ?"

Nate nodded, looking ignorant and completely unaware of what his words were doing to his friend. "Yeah I guess we did. Everything's perfect now."

He gave him a smile. " So what's next for the two of you ?"

" Next ?" Nate quirked his eyebrow inquiringly.

" Yeah, where are you going from here, now that all your problems are behind you ?" He clarified and the words felt like acid on his tongue.

" I hadn't really thought about it." Nate told him. " I figure we're fine right now. Why mess with that ?"

They paused their conversation long enough to order and get refills for their drinks.

" Maybe you should consider the next step. Blair isn't the type to sit idol for long. Boredom is always a problem with her." Chuck said once the waiter left.

Nate paused in mid drink. " Do you think ?"

Settling back against his chair, Chuck nodded. " She needs things to keep moving. It's in her nature. She can't be still. You should always be thinking about the next step when it comes to her."

" Should I ask her to move in with me ?" Nate asked, taking his drink finally before setting it back down.

" Move in with you ?" Chuck laughed.

" Yeah, I figure that's the next logical step, right ?" He replied a bit defensively.

" Normally, I suppose. But we are talking about Blair. I've seen the scrapbook. Nowhere in it is a page dedicated to the day she moves in with someone."

It was Nate's turn to shift, and then he took another drink from his glass of scotch. " I'm not sure either of us is ready for me to ask her to marry me."

Chuck narrowed his eyes. " Blair has had her eye on the Archibald ring since she was five. She's ready. She's just waiting for you to catch up."

Nate's chest heaved as he took a deep breath. " Do you really think so ? We've only been back together a few months. Don't you think its too soon ?"

Chuck didn't answer until after the waiter put their plates in front of them and asked if they needed anything else. " I don' think it's too soon. I think the best way to keep her happy is to put a ring on her finger. That's who she is."

Nate looked doubtful. " How can you be so sure she'll say yes ? I don't want to push her too hard and make her run away."

Chuck smiled. Mission accomplished. He knew his opponent well enough to know he'd won. Nate had always been easy to manipulate. Chuck had been pulling his string since they were children. " She'll say yes. I know she will. Trust me."

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The elation of victory only lasted until dinner was over and Chuck found himself alone at the bar, considering what exactly he'd won.

He hadn't realized how hard the whole conversation would be. All through dinner he'd felt as if the air in the room was too heavy to breath. His chest ached painfully even as the words spilled easily out of his mouth.

He really was quite an actor. Nate, as usual, hadn't suspected a thing.

He thought about calling Blair. He needed to hear her voice, at the very least. He wasn't sure if Nate had been planning on seeing her when he left or not, but it didn't matter. He needed to tell her he loved her, if for no other reason than to hear her say it back.

This whole thing wasn't like him. He wasn't the type that needed constant reinforcement from the people around him. He didn't need reassurances and words to make him feel better. He had gotten along quite well without either of those things most of his life.

But that was before her. Before he felt like he had anything to lose in his life. It was startling to think that he couldn't even imagine his life without her in it. He wasn't sure how he'd manage to go on if she wasn't there.

Her phone only rang once before she picked up and answered with a pleasant hello.

" I was just thinking about you." He told her honestly.

" Funny, I was just thinking about you, too. Did you talk to Nate ?"

" I did and he bought it. There will be a ring on your finger before you can blink." Chuck answered.

She was silent for a minute and when she spoke again her voice was quieter, more subdued. "I'm sorry, Chuck. I know that couldn't have been easy for you."

" It had to be done. And now that it is, what are your plans for the evening ?"

" I'm going to some awful party with Serena. " She replied.

" Cancel it. I need to see you." He said, his tone serious and heavy.

" I can't just cancel. She's been begging me to come with her all week." She argued.

" Blair," He interrupted her before she really got going. " I need to see you. Please."

She stopped instantly. " I can be at Eden in an hour."

" I'll see you there." He answered.

" Chuck," She stopped him just before he hung up.

" Yes ?"

" I love you. Just remember that. No matter whose ring I'm wearing or what else is happening, I'm yours. Nothing will ever change that."

" I love you, too. And yes, you are. Don't forget it." Then he hung up.


	11. Chapter 11

She made her way quickly through the front door of the apartment building and instantly a feeling of apprehension crept up her spine. The light in the stairwell was out which did nothing to alleviate her already troubled mind. Her hands were trembling and she was almost certain she heard a noise somewhere in the supposedly deserted building.

She offered up a silent prayer that it was Chuck she heard moving around in the apartment directly over her head. For the first time she wondered at the sanity of being in a vacant building in the middle of one of the most dangerous city in the world without another soul in the world knowing where she was.

What was to stop someone from breaking in and laying in wait for her ? What was to keep a vagrant from jumping her at any moment ? A lock on the front door. That hardly seemed like enough security to her and she was immediately almost too frightened to continue up the darken stairwell.

She hoped Chuck was waiting for her already. She didn't want to go into the dark apartment by herself. Suddenly, Eden was didn't feel like such a safe, secure place. Eden wasn't apart from the rest of the world. It was as open and vulnerable as any other place. There wasn't some magical spell masking its presence from the outside world.

As these thoughts rolled through her brain, she reached the top floor and went to the door hurriedly. Her hand was shaking so hard she had to try three different times to insert the key into the lock. When she finally got it opened she darted inside and found the interior dark and empty to her dismay.

Chuck would be there soon, she told herself. She would be okay until he got to her. She wasn't some damsel in distress. She wasn't some helpless, brittle little girl waiting to be rescued.

There was nothing to be rescued from. Everything was fine. She was being paranoid, jumping at her own shadows. It was ridiculous.

Her hand slide down the wall, groping for the switch that would bring light and with it some security.

But it never made it.

Her back slammed into the door the moment it shut behind her and she shrieked out in surprise. Then a body was crushing her, pinning her between it and the hard wood at her back. She pushed at the shoulders, struggling against the sudden assault with all her might.

Bringing her knee up quickly she tried to jab it into her attacker, but he was ready for the move and caught her leg easily.

A hot mouth found her neck. He roughly dragged her hair aside and grazed her throat with his teeth.

Her hands knotted in his hair and she yanked it roughly, pulling the stranger away from her and illiciting a pain-filled groan in response.

But instead of backing away like she hoped, he just mashed his body harder into her and grabbed both her hands in one of his. In the next instant he had her arms over her head and something was binding them together.

She screamed out a plea for help, but she knew it was useless in the empty building. The only other person who might hear her was Chuck.

Just as she opened her mouth to shout his name at the top of her lungs, the stranger found her mouth with his. The instant his lips found hers she relaxed and all the panic fled from her. The familiar taste of him calmed her.

" Chuck," She groaned out in a whisper that replaced the intended scream.

He didn't respond, instead his hands found her breasts through all the layers of her clothing and he palmed them with a punishing force that caused her to gasp into his mouth. He ripped at her clothing, snatching it out of his way to get to the skin underneath. Soon her shirt was a tatter hanging around her shoulders and his warm hands were covering her bare breasts. Thumbs grazed abrasively over her straining nipples and she squirmed against the sensation.

He dropped his hands from her breasts and moved to her hips. Then he stepped away from her, but only long enough to yanked the material of her skirt up and out of his way. Then she heard the sound of a zipper an instant before he was pinning her again.

She slipped her legs around his waist. And before she knew what was happening, he was inside her, plunging with a force that made her teeth snap together painfully.

She gasped and pushed her shoulders into the wall, making her hips surge forward and allowing him a better angle. His low, throaty, growl of approval was the first sound he'd made since she'd walked in the door. And she answered with a growl of her own when he thrust deeply into her and hit that perfect spot that only he could find. They struggled together, both yearning for the beautiful release that they could only find in each others arms.

Sweat covered her and she was panting, gasping so hard her chest hurt. But every time she tried to draw a breath, Chuck lunged forward, driving the air out of her lungs with the power of his thrusts.

She was sinking, falling over into the place where nothing else existed besides him and her and the amazing feelings he was causing inside her.

She fought against the binding around her wrists, wanting so badly to touch him. She wanted to feel his hair through her fingers, to traced the muscles of his back as they flexed with every movement.

" Tell me." He whispered into her chest as his teeth grazed her skin. " I need to hear you say it."

" I love you." She answered immediately. " I love you and I'm all yours. No one else's. Just yours, Chuck. Always."

He groaned loudly and redoubled his efforts. " I love you, too." He panted nearly unable to get the words out.

Her body smacked the wall so hard she feared her shoulder would be bruised. But suddenly she didn't care as the feeling in her stomach suddenly spread and light exploded behind her tightly closed eyes. Somewhere in the distance she heard him join her as he shouted her name.

When her surroundings finally returned to her, she realized that her hands were free and she brought them down lazily.

" Chuck," She whispered as his head fell to her shoulder and his lips brushed against her neck. " You scared the hell out of me."

She smacked his shoulder hard and he staggered in response.

" I didn't mean to scare you." He answered, moving back in against her.

" Yes, you did." She retorted before kissing him again.

He snatched the coat from her shoulders, dragging her forward so it could fall to the floor at their feet. " Maybe I did, a little."

He pulled her ruined shirt away slowly and then his hands were busying themselves with unbunching her skirt from around her waist.

She was still struggling with his shirt, tugging impatiently at the buttons, ripping and tearing at the material with her nails. Suddenly, she needed to feel him against her.

" I swear I'm going to stop wearing shirts I like around you." He groaned into her mouth before he kissed her. " My tailor is starting to get upset about all the repairs."

She let the shirt go in mid-yank. " If you don't like it, I can stop." She announced, backing away from him as far as she could.

In response, he scooped her against him, pulling them both off the wall.

" Don't you dare." He answered as he moved them to the moss green sofa in the middle of the room, a new addition that she had only added a few days earlier.

Her back contacted the softness of the cushions, but she refused to pull her legs from around him, instead she ground her hips upwards, noting that he was already hardening again as he rubbed against her moist center.

" Someone is very eager tonight." She whispered as he found her earlobe and drew it into his mouth.

" I haven't been able to think about anything but you all day." He responded, nipping at her lobe as he did.

" Me, either." She agreed, finally freeing the shirt and shoving it off his shoulders forcefully before attacking his chest with her lips.

He let out a low feral groan when she brushed against his nipple and a moment later he was plunging his hand into her hair as she latched onto it and began sucking.

" I don't think I will ever be able to get enough of you." He told her as he threw his head back and tangled his hand in her hair.

A ringing from inside her discarded purse by the door brought her attention away from him. Chuck pulled her with him as he straightened up.

" It's Nate." She said quietly.

Chuck remained silent as she retrieved her phone and answered the call.

" What ?" She hissed a touch more forcefully than she meant it to sound.

" Are you mad at me ?" He asked immediately.

" No, I'm just in the middle of something. I didn't mean to snap. What's up ?"

" I want to see you. Can I come over ? Or maybe meet you somewhere ? We could get dinner."

" Not tonight. I'm busy. Maybe tomorrow. We can meet for breakfast."

She went back to the couch and sat down directly beside Chuck, so close her leg brushed against his. His hand immediately went to her thigh and he began to slid it upward slowly.

" Where ?" Nate was asking as her gaze fell to Chuck's hand and she watched as he eased her skirt out of his way and he began to trace the top of her stocking with his finger.

" I don't know." She murmured into the phone as he found her inner thigh and gently parted her legs to grant him better access. " Where ever you want."

She was nearly mesmerized as Chuck's hand moved under her skirt and his finger grazed her center.

" How about that little diner we used to go to all the time ?" Nate was saying as Chuck slid a finger inside of her and she fought against the groan that threaten to escape.

Then he found the perfect spot and brushed over it forcefully and the groan was out before she could stop it.

She gave a small cough to try to cover the noise, but Nate had heard it anyway.

" You don't want to go to the diner ?" He asked misinterpreting the sound.

" It's all the way downtown. Just come to my place. I'll have Cook make all your favorites." She offered, trying to get rid of him as quickly as possible as Chuck continued to move his finger, now accompanied by another, inside of her.

" Alright. I'll see you around nine."

Chuck found the spot again and she dropped her head, letting it fall to the back cushion and closed her eyes.

" Better make it eleven. We'll call it brunch." She replied. " I might be up late tonight."

Then she pulled the phone away hearing him tell her he loved her even as she snapped it closed. It fell from her hand and landed on the floor at her feet.

Chuck's hand had stopped moving. In fact, Chuck had stopped moving. When she tugged her eyes opened she found him staring down at the phone.

" What's wrong ?" She asked at the expression on his face.

He removed his hand from her and fell back against the cushions purposefully avoiding her eyes. "That sounds cozy." He muttered quietly.

She was covering his chest in an instant, pulling his face towards hers so he would have no choice but to look at her. " It doesn't mean anything."

" I know." He sighed but the troubled furrow never left his brow.

She mimicked his sigh with one of her own and pulled her hands from his face. " I'm sorry. This whole thing is just impossible."

He took her hands in his and pulled her back into his chest before she had a chance to move away. "It isn't impossible. It just isn't ideal. There is a difference." His voice was heavy with a sadness that killed her. " I think I just need a vacation."

"A vacation ?" She asked, turning in his arms so she could see his face. " You mean like going away ?"

He nodded. " Yeah, that's usually how it works."

" Oh, how long would you be gone ?"

" I'm not going anywhere yet." He laughed at her sudden downtrodden expression. " Besides, I wasn't thinking of leaving you here. It wouldn't be much of a vacation without you."

" I can't leave right now." She announced though her smile was back in place. " Not with my father so sick and I have so many things to do."

" Blair, stop it. I'm not talking about a month. I meant a weekend. And it was just a thought."

" I love you." She told him out of the blue as she turned in his arms and rested her head on his chest. She wasn't sure why she felt the need to say it. It just seemed like he needed to hear it.

He leaned forward and kissed the top of her head. " I love you, too. Are you staying tonight ?"

" Everyone thinks I'm with Serena. Serena thinks I'm with Nate. So yeah, if you are." She nodded.

" Everyone thinks I'm out whoring. So yeah, if you are."

He sat up, dislodging her from her comfortable position. But then he pulled her back into his arms and kissed her thoroughly. " I think we were in the middle of something when we were so rudely interrupted."

" Yeah, I think we were." She answered as she let him drag her beneath him.


	12. Chapter 12

" Where were you last night ?" Serena demanded as soon as he entered the dining room and he was slightly taken aback by her sudden onslaught.

" None of your business." He answered simply as he sat and pulled a napkin into his lap.

" We were supposed to have a family dinner together. Mom was really upset that you didn't show." She glared at him from across the table as he poured himself a cup of coffee and added more than a little sugar to it.

" Shit," He muttered under his breath. He had completely forgotten about the dinner. And he had been at Eden with Blair for the third night in a row. It wasn't his fault he hadn't remembered. It seemed lately Blair was all he could think about. He hadn't intentionally hurt Lily's feelings. She was the last person he wanted upset with him.

" I'm sorry. I forgot. I'll make it up to her." He told his stepsister with every bit of sincerity.

She blinked at him in surprise. " Really ?"

He smirked indignantly. " Yes, really. I would have been here. I meant to be. I've just been a little preoccupied lately."

" With what ?" She asked, suddenly more interested in what he had to say than in yelling at him, which suited him just fine, even if he wasn't planning on telling her anything.

" Work."

" Bullshit."

He shrugged. " If you say so."

" I know so. There's something going on and I want to know what it is." She answered crossing her arms over her chest.

" Nothing is going on," He waved her off as he bite into a croissant. "except breakfast."

She sat back and took a sip of her own coffee. " What happened with you and Blair ? Why is she back with Nate ?"

He tried to hide any reaction he might have made at hearing her name. Though it was difficult. More difficult than he imagined it might be. He found himself wanting to smile, just from the sound of it. " Nothing is happening with Blair and I. We decided it was best for everyone if she went back to Nate and put us behind her."

" Bullshit." She repeated.

And again he shrugged. " If you say so."

He brought his cup to his lips and held it there upon hearing her next words. " You know what I don't understand ? Why is it that whenever you disappear, Blair is gone, too ?"

He forced himself to take a drink before setting the cup back down. " I don't know what you mean."

She sighed audibly and leaned forward resting her chin on her hand. " Bullshit." She said the word more slowly this time, drawing it out and adding a sing-song quality to it.

" Really, you have a staggering vocabulary." He chided her as he tried to ignore the look she was giving him.

" Okay, how about this ? I don't believe you. I don't believe you don't know exactly what I'm talking about. I don't believe you've stopped seeing Blair and I don't believe you would do this to your best friend." She answered quickly.

" I'm not doing anything to my best friend. I'm not seeing Blair and I really don't know what you are going on about."

He grabbed his cup and stood, retreating from the room before any more could be said. He almost made it to his room when he realized she was following him.

Turning on her at his doorway and gave her a withering look that clearly said he didn't want to talk anymore. " Why are you following me ? Haven't we had a discussion a million times about boundaries ?"

She shrugged. " That was when you were overstepping my boundaries, not when I was overstepping yours. It's different from this side."

" No it isn't." He made to shut the door, but she slipped past him before he could and went to sit in the middle of his bed, crossing her legs Indian style and making herself comfortable.

" See normally I wouldn't dare climb into the middle of your bed. Normally I wouldn't know what might be crawling around in here under the blankets, but since you haven't slept in this bed in at least three nights, and since you haven't had one of your skanky whores in here in at least three months, I figure I'm safe here." She teased.

" I assume you have a point ?" He asked as he went to the black leather chaise lounge under the window and stretched out.

" Why haven't you been home in days ?" She continued to badger him.

" I've been home."

" Only long enough to grab a shower and breakfast in the mornings and a change clothes after work. Then you leave again and you're gone all night."

He raised his eyebrows and gave her his famous leer. " My, you really are keeping quite close tabs on me. Is there something you want to tell me ?"

She balled up one of his scarves that was laying on his nightstand and threw it at him. He caught it easily. " You wish."

" Afraid not. That boat has sailed. You had your chance." He informed her.

She sat up. " Okay, see that's what I mean. The old Chuck would have been sitting right here beside me doing your best to make my robe gape so you could catch a glimpse of my breast."

He smirked. " Wow, you really do like yourself a lot."

" And you used to be right here with me. Now you're all sullen and brooding and preoccupied. What is with you ?"

" Maybe I've grown up. You should try it. It isn't so bad once you get used to it." He commented dryly.

" If growing up means turning into Nate, I'll pass. God, the next thing I know, you'll have your bangs grown out."

He snatched upright and leveled her with a warning look. " I am not Nate."

She just smiled at him in return. " Why so touchy, Chuck ?" She shifted when he refused to look away from her and the smile fell from her face. " Look, I know you really love Blair. And I know that she's back with Nate. All I'm saying is, if you're having a hard time dealing with that, I'm here for you."

He blinked at her in astonishment. " What ?" He asked, trying to determine if she was really serious.

" I mean it. You are one of my best friends. Actually, you're more than that, your my brother and you've been there for me more times that I'll admit out loud. So if you need someone to talk to or a shoulder to cry on, whatever. I'm here for you." She told him completely sincere.

" Wow, I didn't think you'd noticed that we pulled your ass out of the fire all those times." He answered.

" Don't be an ass. I'm serious. Of course I noticed. You and Nate and Blair were always there for me."

I settled back into the chair and took a sip of his coffee. " I appreciate the offer, but I'm fine. Really, I'm fine."

She sat up and beamed a smile at him. " I knew it !" She exclaimed.

" You knew what ?"

" You are still seeing her."

" No, I'm not." He insisted.

" Then you wouldn't be fine. I know you, Chuck. You don't take rejection that well. If you really weren't still seeing her you'd be drowning in Scotch, wallowing with some whore or plotting your revenge." She told him without any doubt that she was right.

And she was. She had him and she knew it. How could he deny that ? Everything she said was true. He had no idea what he'd do if he really lost Blair, but he knew as well as she did that he wouldn't be fine.

" I told you, I've grown up."

" No one can change that much." She answered.

" Leave him alone, Serena." Lily voice came from his bedroom door.

She turned to her mother quickly. " Mom, you don't understand -"

" I understand better than you do. Now go. Eric was looking for you. Something about a shopping trip." Lily interjected, cutting her off.

Serena gave him an angry glare before bounding off the bed and out of the room.

A moment later Lily was perched on the side of the bed looking at him critically.

" You missed dinner." She said quietly.

" I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll take everyone out one night this week." He answered.

" That sounds lovely. On everyone's behalf I accept." She smiled, but it fell away quickly. " How did things go with Nate the other night ? I haven't seen you since that day in your office so I haven't had a chance to ask."

He shifted, sitting up and setting his cup down on the glass top table beside him. " Things went exactly like I planned."

" So he's going to ask her to marry him ?" She asked sadly.

" Any day now." He answered.

" Oh, Chuck. I really wish both of you would reconsider this whole plan. This can't end well." She reached out and touched his knee and for a moment he was once again fixated on the maternal gesture.

" You know I can't do that. We don't have any other option." He replied.

" I know." She nodded. " I just wish there was some way out of this so no one would be hurt. Especially not you."

He shrugged. " Nate's the one that's going to lose her in the end. He's the one you should be worried about."

Lily smiled again. " Nataniel has enough people looking out for him. And you can't pretend with me. I know this is killing you."

He nodded slightly. " Okay. I'll give you that. I had to sit and listen to them setting up a lovely little family brunch last Sunday and it was horrible. Then all that morning all I could think about was her and Nate and her mother, lounging around enjoying their peaceful morning. It was the first time in months that I've been drunk before noon."

She patted his leg. " Next time, tell me. We'll go do something together. If you're both determined to see this through, then I'm determined to help you however I can."

He blinked at the strange burning sensation that suddenly hit his eyes. " Why ?" He asked, completely confused by her.

" Because I want to." She answered simply. " I've grown quite fond of you, Charles. Besides I'd do the same for Eric or Serena."

" But they're your children." He insisted.

" So are you." She told him as she stood and squeezed his shoulder before leaving quietly.

A moment later, the door jerked opened and he bolted up in surprise.

Serena stood there with her arms crossed over her chest and a smug look on her face.

" I knew it !" She cried triumphantly.


	13. Chapter 13

" You don't know anything." He answered, hoping with all of his hammering heart that he was right. Blair would kill him. Serena was a complication they did not need.

" Just tell me the truth, Chuck. You know I can't stand being left out." She whined as she came back to his bed and sat.

" I've told you the truth." His hands went to the tie of his robe. " Now," He continued, fighting against the sigh of relief that was threatening to overtake him. " I'm about to get dressed." He raised his eyebrows at her invitingly. " Unless you want to give me a hand, I suggest you get out."

She wrinkled her nose and got up but another voice from the doorway stopped whatever insult she was about to deliver.

" God, Serena, didn't Mom just tell you to leave him alone ?" Eric asked from where he was lounging against the door jamb.

" I'm going." She replied. Then she stopped at the door and turned back to him.

He was halfway through shrugging out of his robe when he stopped and stared back. " Change your mind ?" He asked.

" No," She answered like what he was offering was the most offensive, disgusting thing she could image. " I'm just telling you that I know something is going on and I'm going to find out what."

Then she turned and flounced out with a bob of her ponytail.

Eric came into the room and shut and locked the door behind him. " I tried to tell her she was imagining everything, but she wouldn't listen." He went to the bed and flopped down in the center. Chuck ignored him as he pulled off his pajama top and continued to dress. " I think she's bored." Eric droned on. " You know she's not seeing anyone right now and school is over. She's trying to find something to hold her attention."

" Tell her to get a dog." Chuck muttered, stepping into his pants.

Eric laughed. " So when are you seeing Blair again ?"

Chuck stopped in the middle of tucking his shirt in and eyed the younger boy carefully. God, they thought they were being so careful, but apparently everyone knew, or thought they did. Still, there was a certainty in Eric's tone that said he more than suspected. He knew for sure. He wasn't guessing.

" Mom told me." He sat up, replying to Chuck's unanswered question. Then he put his hands out to stall the anger that immediately crossed Chuck's face. " She swore me to secrecy and I promise no one will find out from me. She was worried about you and thought that since you couldn't exactly talk to Nate about any of this, I would be a good stand in."

" She was wrong." Chuck replied venomously as he returned to dressing. " I don't need a shoulder to cry on or an ear to bend."

Eric looked down at his hands for a moment before looking back up. " How about a brother ?"

" I've done well without one of those either." Chuck answered as he went to his dresser for his watch.

" But you don't have to anymore." Eric insisted.

" Fine," Chuck mumbled finally. " Then be a good brother and go strangle our sister."

Eric laughed and fell back onto the bed. " Don't you think, if that were possible, I would have done it years ago. She's always been like she is." Then he shrugged as he conceded. " Well, you've been here, you know."

" Yes, I do." The dark haired man said as he settled back into the chaise where he'd been during his earlier discussion with said sister.

" Do you think she's serious ?" Eric asked after a moment. " You think she'll try to spy on you, or follow you around ?"

" It doesn't matter." Chuck answered. " She isn't good enough to catch me."

" What makes you so sure ?" Eric wanted to know.

Chuck shrugged and took a drink of coffee. " Because, I'm Chuck Bass."

" I'm not letting you blow me off again." Blair rankled immediately at hearing Nate say those words and she almost threw the phone.

" I don't know who you think you're talking to, but I'd appreciate it if you didn't imagine you could inform me of what I can and can't do, Nate Archibald." She seethed.

" Blair, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it that way. I don't want to fight with you." His tone was instantly apologetic. " It just feels like every time I try to see you, you're too busy for me."

The angry drained away only to be quickly replaced with guilt. Of course, she was blowing him off. Of course she was finding excuses not to see him. Every minute she wasn't trapped into something with Nate was a minute she could be spending at Eden. That philosophy was not, however, indicative to receiving a much need marriage proposal from the man on the other end of the phone.

" What are you doing now ?" She asked, trying to make up from her earlier outburst with a tone that positively dripped with honey.

" I'm dealing with some stuff for my grandfather. But I want to see you tonight. I have something special planned. I'm sending a car for you at eight." He told her. " It's a formal occasion."

A formal occasion ? She gulped audibly. This was it. This was what all the planning and maneuvering had been all about. " I'll be ready." She answered with a whisper.

" And Blair ?" He stopped before hanging up.

" Yes," She replied, trying to keep the tears from her voice.

" I love you."

" I love you, too, Nate." She said before dropping the phone and flopping into the middle of her bed for a nice long cry.

" What are you doing here ?" Blair hissed as she dragged Chuck into her room and shut the door behind them.

He huffed out a sigh. " Dorota called Serena and said something was wrong with you. Eric overheard them talking so he told me."

Blair raised her eyebrows in what was almost amusement. " So Eric said, Serena said, Dorota said, something was wrong with me ?"

He smirked casually. " Something like that."

Her hands went to her hips and she eyed him wearily. " So wait, how did Eric know to tell you ?"

" He knows." Chuck replied with something close to apology in his eyes. As close as Chuck came to it anyway.

" Why does Eric know ?" She demanded.

He stepped away from her and came to sit on the side of her bed. " I needed to talk to someone. He was there. I know I shouldn't have told him, but I couldn't help it."

Her anger melted instantly. Of course he needed someone other than her to talk to. She knew how hard all this had been on him and she couldn't exactly blame him.

" Dorota knows, too." She admitted as she slumped down beside him.

His smirk was back full force when he turned to her. " So much for righteous indignation." He chuckled.

" I guess so." She smiled. " Now the other thing, is, if Serena knows something is wrong with me, what makes you think she isn't on her way here right now ?"

He blinked at her in sudden confusion. His pause said he had absolutely no answer. " I didn't think about it. I just heard the part about something being wrong with you and I came running."

She melted again. " Oh, Chuck. That's so sweet, but really, really stupid. You have to be more careful." She scolded him half heartedly. " She could be here any second."

She was on her feet tugging him towards the door before he could protest. But he dug his heels in before she got the door opened. " Wait, you never told me what was wrong."

She sighed. She hadn't wanted to tell him until after everything was over and done with. The thought that he might, despite his good intentions, do something to stop what was happening later that night, worried her. But she couldn't lie to him.

" Nate is proposing tonight." She answered at last.

He stepped back like she'd kicked him in the stomach. " Oh," He muttered quietly. Then as if he'd flipped a switched, he looked up at her with a composed face and carefully hooded eyes. " But that's a good thing. It's what we've been working so hard for."

" Right." She nodded. " It is a good thing."

" Will you be at Eden later ?" He asked as he started for the door again.

She smiled ruefully. " You know the answer to that, Chuck. I can't very well accept his proposal then blow him off so I can spend the night with you."

" Wishful thinking, I guess." He mused. Then he pulled her to him. " I love you." He whispered passionately into her ear. " When you're sitting there drinking champagne and admiring the Archibald ring on your finger, remember that."

" I love you, too, Chuck." She replied with just as much passion. " And there is no ring, or man, or circumstance in the world that is ever going to make me forget it."


	14. Chapter 14

The brilliant crystals of the massive chandelier sparkled in the flickering candlelight that cast a soft yellowish glow around the room. The huge Archibald dining room was quiet and somehow despite its impressive size, managed to look intimate and even cozy with only the two place settings sitting in front of the large mahogany chairs at the far end of the table. Champagne chilled in a silver ice bucket nestled on a stand beside one of the chairs and tall, fluted, cut glass goblets stood in front of the gold rimmed plates that marked the settings.

" I thought you said we were going some place special." Blair remarked as she smoothed the heavy velvet of her floor-length, black gown. She resisted the urge to tug at the two thin straps that held up the bodice and came around the back of her neck. Suddenly, as she looked over the scene playing out in front of her, the dress seemed binding, making it hard for her to breath properly.

" No," Nate answered, stepping up behind her in his Armanti tux, looking for all the world like a hero out of a book, suave and beautiful, James Bond brought to life just for her. " I said I had something special planned and I do."

His smile was mischievous and he appeared very proud of himself. Blair wished she could enjoy the evening with the kind of whimsical anticipation he obviously was. The heavy weight that had settled in the bottom of her stomach dampened her mood considerably, in spite of her best efforts to the contrary.

She had arrived on his doorstep with the intentions of putting everything else and everyone else out of her mind. She wanted to enjoy the night ahead of her.

This was, after all, where Nate excelled and Chuck was lacking. Romance was never a real strong point for the man that she loved and she accepted that. She was okay with the fact that moments like this were likely to be less that forthcoming in her future. All the things that Chuck was made up for his lack in the area.

So she intended to let herself indulge it the romance at least for the moment. Her mind had other ideas and everything that was happened only served to leave a sour taste in her mouth.

" What exactly have you planned, Nate ?" She asked demurely, blinking her lashes at him.

" You'll find out later." He smiled. " Right now, it's dinner."

An hour later as they finished off the last of the best taramusu Blair had ever tasted, Nate sat back from his plate and looked at her purposefully.

" Let me start off by saying that my plans had to be slightly altered at the last minute. I wanted to whisk you away to Rome or Paris. In my mind, I was going to do this on top of the Eiffel Tower with all of Paris looking on. But business made me give up that notion. I just couldn't get away at the moment and I didn't want to wait any longer to do this." He said in a monologue tone.

" Do what ?" Blair asked as she wiped the corner of her mouth with a napkin and laid it aside. Of course she knew exactly what he was talking about, but she played innocent better than most.

He pushed his chair back from the table and moved her as well, angling it towards him before he reached into his pocket and came out of his chair, on one knee at her feet. " This has been the plan for us for as long as I can remember. Somehow even when we were apart, I always knew that someday we would be right back here. It's like something bigger than the both of us has been guiding us along, preparing since the day we were born for this moment." He told her, from under his curtain of bangs.

In spite of herself, she felt her eyes watering at his words and something inside her wished that they were true. Some small part of her yearned to be part of the grand plan that he had dreamed up for them. It was a tale out of a storybook and there was a piece of her that wanted so badly to be the heroine.

" Blair," He smiled. " I love you. I have always loved you and I can't imagine going through my life without you in it." Opening the small box with a flick of his finger, he offered it to her like it was the most precious thing in the world to him. " Will you marry me ?"

She had always believed that the ring in the box was some sort of mythical thing with powers beyond the realm of reality. The Archibald Ring, it was the stuff of legends in their social circle. A much sought after prize, yearned for by generations of woman throughout the history of the Upper East Side social ranks.

Blair herself had revered the piece of jewelry as if it were a gift from the Gods themselves when she was younger and she had spent her childhood anticipating the moment when Nate would kneel before her offer it up just the way he was.

But she found as she looked at the velvet encased diamond that it didn't sparkle nearly as brightly as she remembered it sparkling the last time she saw it. It didn't appear nearly as big and certainly not at all mythical where it rested in the tiny box held in Nate's large hand.

She glanced past the ring to the man resting on his knee before her and her heart broke inwardly at the look on his face. His eyes danced with delight and happiness and there was an abounding love written all over his face. It was almost more than she could handle and she recoiled at the thought of sullying that look of devotion he was beaming towards her.

She was just opening her mouth to tell him she couldn't marry him. She was just about to tell him everything when her phone rang.

Nate watched her in disbelief was she reached out to take it from where it rested beside her plate.

" You aren't going to answer it right now, are you ?" He demanded.

" It's my mother." She lied. " You know how sick my father is. I have to answer it. I'm sorry. I won't be a second."

Then she grabbed the phone and stood, taking a few steps away from him before hitting the button to answer it.

" This isn't a good time." She said shortly into the receiver.

" I think it's a very good time." Chuck answered her smoothly.

" No, it isn't. I'm right in the middle of something here and I need to go. Is there something wrong ?"

" I know exactly what you're right in the middle of. I was worried that you might be having some second thoughts. I wanted to make sure you remembered why we are doing all this." He answered.

" How could you possibly know that ?" She whispered hoping that Nate couldn't overhear her.

Chuck laughed. " I know you. I know Nate. Am I right ? Are you having doubts ?"

" I can't do that. Not right now." She said, hoping he understood what she was telling him.

" You can do this, Blair. Take a deep breath and remember this is for your father. It's just temporary."

She did as he told her, amazed as his apparent powers of perception. But the deep breath helped and she even managed a smile as she turned back towards Nate who was still kneeling just as she left him.

" I'll be staying here tonight. So don't wait up. I'll be home tomorrow afternoon sometime. We'll have dinner - You and Daddy and Cyrus. I think we'll have something to celebrate." She told Chuck.

" That's my girl. I know you can do this. I love you. And I'll be at Eden tomorrow at six."

She hung up and went quickly back to Nate.

Instead of sitting she pulled him to his feet and threw her arms around him exuberantly. " I love you, Nate. Of course I'll marry you."

He was still staring at the phone in his hand when Lily found him an hour later. He didn't bother to look up at her approach, instead opting to drain the glass resting in his other hand for the umpteenth time. The bottle of scotch resting on the balcony rail beside him was empty now and he muttered a quiet curse under his breath.

Lily gave him a rueful smile as she pulled a fresh bottle from behind her back. " Are you expecting a call ?" She asked, nodding towards the phone in his hand.

" No, I just made one." He took the bottle and refilled his glass along with the new one Lily had brought with the bottle.

" Not a good one, I'm guessing." She glanced at the empty bottle then back at him.

" Hardly. About an hour ago, Blair accepted Nate's proposal of marriage. She is probably at this very moment staring at the famed Archibald ring resting on her delicate little finger." He announced, tipping his glass in a toast.

Lily looked horrified as she downed her own glass and took care of the refills. " Oh, Charles. Are you okay ?"

He laughed sardonically. " Okay ? Are you serious ? I had to talk her into it."

She laid a gentle hand on his shoulder and to his surprise he didn't flinch automatically. Perhaps he was growing accustomed to her mothering after all. " What do you mean you had to talk her into it ?"

" Something just told me she wasn't going to go through with it. Something kept nagging at me. Earlier she was upset, so I knew she was having second thoughts. Blair's problem is she has too much of a conscious sometimes." He laughed bitterly. " So I called her and apparently he was just getting to the whole thing. I had to give her a pep talk."

" A pep talk ? Charles, this is ridiculous. She's absolutely right to have second thoughts. Harold will get over it, eventually if she doesn't do exactly as he wants her to. He'll understand that she has to make her own choices and decisions."

Chuck threw back another glass and poured a new one. Then he leveled her with a serious gaze. " He doesn't have time to get over it and she's not going to live the rest of her life knowing her father died disappointed in her."

Lily blinked and Chuck could see the tears welling in her eyes. The one problem he had with her was that she tended to be overly emotional especially when he was involved for some reason.

" Bart wasn't disappointed in you." She told him. He gave her a disbelieving look. " Really he wasn't. He may not have approved of everything you did, but he wasn't disappointed in you."

" You know as well as I do that isn't true. All I ever did was disappoint him." He answered finally.

" He was proud of your efforts with Victrola." She tried weakly, referring to the nightclub Chuck had talked his father into investing in.

" That doesn't nearly make up for all the other things, now does it ?"

She touched his shoulder again. " If he could see you now..."

Chuck moved away from her, no longer comfortable with the contact. " Well he can't. I missed my chance with him. I'm not going to let Blair make the same mistake. She'll regret it until the day she dies if she doesn't go through with all this. And I can't have her regretting choosing me."

" I know you don't want to hear this, but if that's how you really feel, maybe you should just let her go."

" Let her go ? I would love to do just that. If you'd kindly tell me how I'm supposed to go about that, I'll get right on it."

" Well, you need to get out of New York for one thing." She answered.

" I can't do that. I have a business to run."

" A business with offices all over the World. You don't have to be here at this one." She reminded him. "I'd hate to lose you, but if it's what you need to do, we can make it work."

He thought about that for a minute, really considering her words. She was right. He didn't have to be in New York in order to run Bass Industries. There were offices all over the world. He'd even spent a good deal of his summers around the office in Tokyo. He could run the company from there easily. His father had done it routinely.

" She would just hunt me down. This is Blair we're talking about. Do you really think she's just going to let me walk away from her ?"

" I suppose you have a point." Lilly conceded.

" Besides, it's obvious she needs me right now. She'll never get through this alone."

" Maybe, but has it occurred to you that she wouldn't be having such a hard time with all of this if you weren't in the picture.

" She's losing her father." He sighed. " I can't make her go through that on top of losing me. I've already caused her enough pain. I'm done making her cry."

She stilled and eyed him carefully for a long time before wrapping her arms around him in a tight embrace. " You really have grown up so much in the last few months." She announced into his shoulder. " He may not have been proud of you before. But I promise you, where ever Bart is right now, He's beaming."

Serena watched the couple standing against the railing of the balcony. She managed to grab a few snippets of the conversation they were sharing and she absolutely didn't like what she had heard. She had known Chuck and Blair were still seeing each other. There had never been a doubt for her. Nothing in the world could have convinced her that losing Blair wouldn't put Chuck right back into the bottomless pit of despair he always found when things stopped going his way.

She watched her mother consoling her stepbrother as if he were the one being wronged by his own actions and her anger grew. Somehow she could bet if she were the one carrying on a affair with her best friend's boyfriend her mother wouldn't be nearly so approving.

She steadfastly refused to admit that she was jealous of the growing relationship between her mother and Chuck. Chuck deserved someone like Lily in his life. She couldn't begrudge him that. He had never known his mother and his father had always been less than parental towards him. Chuck needed Lily. She couldn't deny it. And she wasn't so shallow that she couldn't figure out how to share her mother's affections, although it seemed that Lily was far more wrapped in whatever was going on with Chuck than she was either of her other two REAL children.

The thought carried a surprisingly bitter tone even in her mind and she squelched that line of thinking before she could reached the conclusion that maybe she was too shallow to share after all.

But what he was doing to Nate was unthinkable. Chuck had never had a conscious in his life. He didn't understand the word guilt. But Blair, Blair would eventually regret this entire affair. It would eat at her until it destroyed her. She didn't know what her best friend was thinking but she couldn't be thinking clearly. And as far as Serena could see, the reason for that was standing on the balcony, enjoying a nightcap with her mother.

Chuck had managed to find a way to hurt her again. It seemed that was all he was capable of doing. She knew she had no other choice. She had to get Blair away from Chuck. It was the only solution.

She drew back from the balcony doors as her phone vibrated in her pocket and offered up a silent thanks to the heavens that she had remembered to turn the ringer off.

" Hello," She answered quietly as she made her way quickly down the hall and away from the open doors.

" It's me." Blair announced. " I have wonderful news."

" Really ? Is it your father ? Did something happened with him ?" She asked, closing her bedroom door after slipping inside.

" No, everything is the same with him, but Nate just asked me to marry him."

" What ?!" Serena demanded.

" I know." Her best friend beamed back at her. " I was surprised myself."

" Did you say yes ?"

" Of course I said yes. What kind of question is that ?"

She was quiet for a moment, wondering how best to go about asking her what she really wanted to know. Then she decided the head on approach was probably the best. " What about Chuck ?"

" What about him ?" Blair asked, clearly confused by the question.

" Are you really so over him that you're ready to marry Nate ?"

" Of course I'm over Chuck. There was never anything there to really get over. It was just a fling and it's completely in the past now. What was that he told me once ?" She paused dramatically. " Oh that's right, he said we were just a game to him."

And there it was, the conformation Serena had needed to hear. No one else would have caught it, the slight catch to her best friend's voice when she said his name. No one else in the world could read Blair as well as she could. But it was absolutely clear to her, with no doubt in her mind. Blair was lying.

" Blair, are you sure that its the right time for you to be thinking about getting married ? Your father should be your priority right now." She reminded her.

" What the hell is wrong with you, Serena ?" Blair shrilled through the phone. " I thought you'd be happy for me. I expected my best friend to be overjoyed that I finally have the one thing I've always wanted. Something is finally going right for me and all you can do is ask if it's the right time."

" I'm sorry, B. Of course I'm happy for you. If it's really what you want then I'm happy." She sighed in resignation.

" And as for my father, he couldn't be happy. He told me that all he wanted before he died was to see me happily married to Nate."

That was it. Now she understood Blair's motives. Nothing would stop her from trying to make her father's last days as happy as possible. She understood exactly why Blair was doing what she was doing. What she didn't understand was why she hadn't just gotten rid of Chuck before starting in with her plan.

" I'm happy he's happy, B." She muttered helplessly into the phone.

" You don't sound very happy." Blair replied curtly.

" I am. I really am. We'll have to celebrate, an engagement party. It'll be fun. We'll make it the social event of the season. I'll get Chuck to help me make all the plans. No one throws a party like Bass."

" You want to ask Chuck to help plan my engagement party ?" Blair asked hesitantly.

" Why not ? He's one of our friends, sometimes anyway. Is there some reason why you wouldn't want him to help ?"

" No, no. It's fine. It sounds wonderful. I'll tell Nate."

" Okay. I'll start making the plans tomorrow." Serena confirmed quickly.

" That's great. Call me." Blair replied before hanging up.

Serena set the phone down and glowered at it for several long minutes. It was clear to her that she would have to do something drastic before this entire thing got out of hand, not that it wasn't already.

Saving Nate from what would surely be a great deal of heartache was her number one priority. She wouldn't let Chuck and Blair use him like they did everyone else.

Someone had to stop them. At apparently it was going to be all up to her.


	15. Chapter 15

Serena cleared her throat loudly to get the attention of the man sitting with a very serious expression on his face, pouring over several documents that were scattered around the desk in front of him. Chuck didn't bother to even glance up as he motioned her into his office with a brief wave of his hand.

" I'm busy." He announced still without looking up.

" It's about Blair." She began hoping to catch him off guard. Unfortunately he was better than that and still didn't show even the least bit of interest in the subject. " I'm planning an engagement party for her and Nate and I was hoping that I could get you to help me with it."

He finally turned his eyes from the paper he was reading to her. " New York has some of the best party planners in the country. Just look in the phone book."

" Chuck."she chided him with a sigh.

" I'm busy." He repeated.

" I can see that, but I thought since Nate was your best friend and you'll likely be his Best Man, and I'm sure Blair will want me to be her Maid of Honor, we should plan it together." She explained, still surveying him careful for the slightest tick.

Nothing showed. Not even a hint that what she was proposing bothered him in the least.

" You think Nate will ask me to be his Best Man ?" He asked after a long silence had settled uncomfortably between them.

" I'm sure he will. HE seems to like you, although none of the rest of us have ever figured out why."

He gave her an unfriendly smile before putting his paper aside finally and giving her his full attention.

" I suppose I could find the time for something as important as our best friend's engagement party. I'd hate to leave it all up to you and have you screw it up."

" I knew I could get you on board. Shall we meet this evening over dinner to start making plans ?" She asked demurely.

" I have plans tonight." He announced.

" Cancel them. Surely it's nothing as important as this."

Then she flounced out of his office with her blond ponytail swaying in time with her hips.

Chuck leaned back in his chair and watched through the glass doors of his office as she got on the elevator and gave a wave as the doors slid shut. She was up to something, he was certain of that. She was never that nice to him, especially after he insulted her.

In all honesty, she had caught him off guard and it was a testament to his acting skills that he had managed to hide it from her.

He grabbed his cellphone and quickly punched in the third number on his speed dial.

" Lily Bass." His stepmother chirped crisply a moment later.

" Do you have a minute ? Maybe we could get some lunch ?" He asked, trying to keep the self pitying tone out of his voice.

" Of course. Is something wrong ? You sound strange." She asked perceptively.

" Your daughter just brought something to my attention that I hadn't thought about actually." He answered cryptically.

" Serena ? Is she causing you trouble ? I can talk to her, if you want."

" No, no. It would only do more harm than good. I just need to talk this problem out so I can deal with it and Blair is shopping with her mother all day."

" I'll see you at noon. Your office ? We can order in, unless you want to get out for a while."

" How about central park ? We can eat and talk and get some fresh air."

" Okay. At your usual spot ?"

" How do you know where my usual spot in Central Park is ?" He asked, quickly.

" Oh Dear, didn't Serena and Eric warn you ? I know everything." She laughed before hanging up.

He was sitting on a bench an hour later, at his usual spot, a picnic of Chinese take out spread out beside him. He glanced the boxes over as he waited for Lily. But he wasn't really all that hungry. Serena had caused a knot to form in his stomach that he couldn't make go away.

Well, Serena wasn't the only reason for the knot. He hadn't seen Blair in a week. When she wasn't shopping with one or both of her parents, she was with Nate. It seemed the engagement was taking up nearly all of her time. He wasn't angry about it. He could hear the longing in her voice every time they talked, which was several times throughout the day. Not seeing her was one thing, not talking to her would have been unthinkable. He couldn't imagine going an entire day without hearing her say she loved him. He needed the reassurance that simple statement gave him. Needed it like he needed air.

" I hope you haven't been waiting long." Lily said as she took the other side of the bench and gave him an apologetic smile.

He waved off her apology. " I just got here a few minutes ago. How have things been going with you?"

" Fine. I've been busy opening a new gallery downtown. It's something I've always wanted to do, but never have." She answered as she grabbed a container and stirred it with a pair of chopsticks. " But we aren't here to talk about me. What has Serena done that has you so upset ?"

" I'm not upset. And she hasn't done anything, really. She just mentioned something that I hadn't considered. But I'm glad she did. If she hadn't, it might have caught me off guard and I don't know what I would have done."

" What did she say ?"

" She said Nate was likely to ask me to be his Best Man." He announced on the tail end of a deep breath.

" Oh My." Lily answered, clearing taken aback. " I hadn't thought about that either, but she's probably right. What are you going to do ?"

" I have no idea." He sat back and stretched his arm out over the back of the bench.

" Well, you can't say no." She told him firmly.

" I was definitely considering it."

"Charles, I know it's going to be hard for you, but if being his Best Man is this difficult for you, imagine what Blair must be going through."

She was right. How could he possibly say he wouldn't stand up with Nate while he married Blair when Blair was having to stand beside Nate and marry him ? She would want him to say yes and he couldn't possibly refuse. As hard as it might be, he'd have to agree. There really was no alternative.

He fell forward with his hands resting on his knees and put his head in them. " I hate this."

Lily softly patted his shoulder. " I know. I can see that it's getting to you." She gave him a sly smile. "I've also noticed that you've been home every night for the last week. Has it been that long since you've seen her ?"

" A little over a week actually. All the planning has her very busy."

" You know," She sat the food down and leveled him a serious expression. " You're very busy, too and I'm sure you'd manage to find time for her if she asked."

" It's not like that." He felt the need to defend her. " Nate has her busy all the time and when she isn't with him, she's with her parents. She wants to see me. She's just busy."

She gave him disbelieving eyes.

He was just about to respond when a plump woman in a black and white uniform sidled up to them and began darting her eyes around conspiratorially.

" Mr. Chuck," Blair's maid, Dorota said from the side of her mouth.

" Dorota, what are you doing ?" He nearly laughed at her antics. Clearly spying and subterfuge weren't her strong points. Her actions made her stand out like a sore thumb, causing people to glance her directions out of curiosity.

" I was told to make sure no one saw me talking to you." She explained, " But I need to talk to you. It's important."

He stood up and took her shoulders a touch more forcefully than he meant to. " What is it ? Is something wrong with Blair ?"

Dorota shrugged and look down at her feet sheepishly. " No, it's nothing like that." Her thick accent made her hard to understand, but Chuck had years of practicing trying to decipher her. " Well, yes, something is wrong with her, not hurt, not like that."

He dropped his hands from her shoulders and offered her a seat on the bench. " Then, what is so important ?"

" She's in a state. Actually, it's more than that." She said after refusing the seat and watching Chuck as he took it instead.

" I'm afraid I'm not following you. What kind of state is she in and why do you think I can help ?"

She looked down at her feet again, before starting to shift uncomfortably. " She's been a nightmare." She exclaimed in a shouted whisper.

" A nightmare ?" He asked trying hard to fight the laughter that threaten to emerge at her expression of horror. " You know she's going through some things right now. I understand that she's probably a little more short tempered than normal."

" You don't know the half of it." Dorota mumbled quietly. " But it isn't her Papa's health that has her so worked up and it isn't this ridiculous marriage either."

Chuck arched his eyebrows, surprised at her sudden candor. Dorota had always been ferociously loyal to Blair. Chuck suspected that if anyone else were saying the things she was saying, the hefty maid would have fought them to the ground with her bare hands.

" She misses you, Mr. Chuck." She said finally.

" I miss her, too, Dorota. She's just been so busy, she can't seem to get away." He gave her an understanding smile.

" I make the time for her." She stomped her foot pointedly and Lily chuckled quietly at the ferociousness behind her statement. Dorota continued as if she hadn't noticed. " They all crowd around her like a pack of vultures, never give her a moments peace since this engagement started. But I have it all planned. Tonight, her Papa think she's going to spend the night with Miss Serena. Mr. Nate think she's going to be with Miss Serena. Her Mama think she's going to be with Miss Serena. I even call Mr. Eric and he going to help."

Chuck laughed out loud, more excited than he wanted to admit over the prospect of getting Blair all to himself for the entire night. " How is Eric going to help ?"

" He stole Miss Serena's phone so if anyone calls looking for her, he tell them she with Miss Serena." She smiled proudly as she laid her plan out for him.

" What does Blair say about all this ?" Lily asked.

" I haven't told her yet. But I make sure she's at Eden tonight at six. Please say you'll be there, Mr. Chuck." She was practically pleading with him, afraid all her hard work had been for nothing.

He nodded and gave her a smile. " I'll be there."

" Eden ?" Lily asked after the maid scurried away, hiding ineffectually behind a pair of overly large, dark sunglasses.

Chuck looked sheepishly at the ground before looking back to his stepmother. " It's our place."

" You have a place ? I always wondered where you got off to. I figured you were at the palace."

" The palace has too many wandering eyes. We needed somewhere that no one would know us." He explained.

" I take it that Eden isn't located in the Upper East Side."

" Did you ever imagine it would be ?" He joked. " No, it's in Brooklyn."

" Brooklyn !" She laughed out loud. " I never imagined EDEN would be in Brooklyn either."

" It's actually not bad. We've decorated it. Well, Blair decorated it mostly. We have the entire place to ourselves." He told her, finally taking a carton of food and eating a bit.

She watched him carefully, giving him the critical eye so many parents gave their children when they were worried about them. Then Finally she cleared her throat. " I was afraid all this food was going to go to waste. You haven't been eating lately, I've noticed."

" I eat." Hr protested.

" Nibbling here and there and moving food around on a plate isn't eating." She chided.

" I've had a lot on my mind."

" I hope that after this whole marriage thing is over and done with things will settle down."

" And then what ? We sit back and wait for Harold to die."

She shrugged. " I wouldn't have put it quite that way, but I suppose so."

" I hate this." He repeated his earlier sentiment as he set the carton back down.

Lily touched his shoulder just like before. " I know." Then she shifted and decided to let the moment pass before he really broke down. Chuck appreciated the gesture. " Has Serena given you any more problems ?"

" She suspects something is going on and really I can't blame her. I mean, she's absolutely right. Her reasoning is that if I'd really lost Blair, I wouldn't be okay. How can I argue with that ?" He spread is large hands out in a helpless gesture.

" Well, the fact that it doesn't appear that you're seeing anyone at all is strange in itself. You have to admit that you aren't one to be alone very often." she offered.

" I suppose you're right. But there isn't anything I can about that. Right now, everyone has to believe I've become a monk."

Lily laughed uproariously. " I know that you say you're a very good actor, Charles. But even you aren't that good. What you need is a distraction."

" A distraction ? You want me to pull someone else into this already overcrowded mess ?"

She gave him a mischievous smile. " You could always use your incredible powers of seduction on Serena. Then you wouldn't have to pull in an outsider and it would certainly serve to distract her from her suspicions."

" You want me to seduce your daughter, my stepsister ?"

" Well, as I understand it, incest is one of the only sins you haven't committed. I would hate for your record to not be complete." She shrugged.

" You can't be serious. Serena hates me and the feeling is more or less mutual, no offense."

" No, it was just a thought. I understand. Serena can be a little hard to take. Some men just aren't up for the challenge." She shrugged again.

He narrowed his eyes at her. " Are you daring me ?"

She slid her sunglasses on and stood gracefully. " No, I'm double-dog daring you."

Then she walked away with the soft tapping of her black heels resounding on the pavement in her wake.


	16. Chapter 16

" I have to talk to you about something you probably aren't going to like." Chuck announced as he shifted, nestling Blair's head more comfortably into the crock of his bare shoulder and draping a hand casually around her waist.

She sighed audibly and stopped making the tiny circles with her finger across his chest. " If I'm not going to like it, then I don't want to talk about it. I'm perfectly happy pretending the rest of the world has stopped existing."

He laid a kiss to the top of her head. " So am I, but unfortunately it really hasn't and this is something you will most likely be angry over if it waits until later. So it's better you hear it now from me."

She turned in his arms so she could look up into his face. " You're leaving."

Her voice almost broke as she uttered the words and the look of terror and heartbreak on her face told him that if that had been his decision, he would have changed his mind on the spot.

" I'm not going anywhere. You can't get rid of me now. You're hopelessly stuck." He assured her, sealing his promise with a kiss.

" Okay, so what are you doing that's going to make me angry ?" She answered when they finally broke apart and she settled herself back into his chest.

" Serena is becoming a problem. She knows something is going on. If we don't do something she could ruin everything." He said, trying to preface his next comments so it would soften the blow.

" You can't have her killed, Chuck. She's my best friend." Blair insisted, only half teasingly.

" I'm not going to have her killed. Who the hell do you think I am ? I'm not a mob boss." He laughed.

" Oh, please. Don't pretend that if you wanted someone out of the way permanently, you couldn't make it happen." She rolled her eyes.

" That would make me a very powerful, very dangerous man." He smiled. Then he grabbed her closer and shifted her so that she was looking into his eyes. " Does it excite you to know that you're in love with a dangerous and powerful man ?"

She batted his shoulder playfully. " No, it excites me to know that I'm in love with you. Just you. I don't care who you are out there, remember ? The world doesn't exist here. Now tell me what you plan to do about Serena."

He leaned back slightly, giving himself a bit of space so he could think more clearly. And so he could duck or dodge in a moment if it came to that. " I'm planning on distracting her."

" Distracting her how ?" She narrowed her eyes at him.

He raised his eyebrows in response.

" You can't be serious. She hates you." Blair laughed.

" I'm very serious." He answered.

" It won't happen. You will never be able to seduce Serena."

He laughed. " You know better than to tell me I can't do something."

" I'm just telling you the way it is. She will never fall for it. She knows you too well. And she hates you because of it." She told him matter-of-factly.

" So it doesn't matter to you that I plan to try ?"

" Try all you want. It isn't going to work."

" And if it does ?"

" It won't."

" Let's just give me the benefit of the doubt, shall we ? I am, after all, Chuck Bass. So answer me. If it does work and I manage to seduce Serena, are you going to be okay with that ?"

She pulled out of his arms and moved to the opposite side of the bed, then she sat up, drew her knees up and rested her head on them. " I don't know." She gave him a quick sideways glance as if judging his expression before she continued. " I can't very well tell you not to do it. I mean, I'm the one with the fiancé. I know I won't like it. In fact, I'm pretty sure I'll hate it completely. And I really don't want you to hurt her."

He laughed. " I'm talking about trying to get into bed with possibly my biggest enemy and you're worried about her getting hurt ?"

She rolled her eyes again. " You know what I mean." Her hand came up and brushed his check tenderly. " You can be pretty irresistible. What if it does work and it works better than you plan ? What then ?"

" Are you asking me what I'll do if I have to chose between the two of you ?" He asked her, dumbfounded over her question.

" I guess I am." She confirmed.

He reached for her and pulled her into his arms. " You have to know that there wouldn't even be a choice for me. I love you. I'll always love you. Serena can't change that."

" You can't know that for sure. What if she can make you happy ? What if you fall in love with her, too? Serena would be so much easier for you to love. So much less complicated." She was very nearly crying now, he could hear it in her voice and he was grateful that her face was buried in his chest so he couldn't see it as well.

" That's crazy, Blair. You make it sound like I'm only here because I haven't got anywhere better to be." He held her tighter. " This is me, remember ? This isn't about being easy or convenient or less complicated. I love you. I choose you. You know as well as anybody that I've got plenty of options. I'm here because I've tried all the other options and you are the only one that makes me happy. You're the only one I've ever loved. Do you think that after all I've done Serena is going to come along and take me away from you ?" A soft sob escaped from beneath the mass of hair that was blocking his view of her face. " It won't happen. It can't happen. Serena is no different than all the other women I've been with. She's one of hundreds." He pulled her back so that he could look at her and his eyes grab hers. "You, Blair, are one in a million."

She stilled immediately and just stared at him for a long moment. Then her eyes lite up and she gave him a smile that made his heart thump against his rib cage.

" I know that look ?" He returned her grin. " What are you thinking ?"

" I'm thinking I have a better plan. I may have a way out of this for all of us." She answered smugly.

" Well, then," he leaned back against the pillows and pulled her into him. " Please regal me with your musings."

It was not a bad plan. In fact, it was almost genius. But then, it had come from one of the few minds that came close to being a match for his. How could he not love this woman ?

She was curled on her side, facing him. One tiny hand was wrapped around his and the other tucked under her pillow. A soft, smile played at the corners of her lips, turning them slightly upwards. It was a different smile than the sad, Mona Lisa smile she had been wearing in the last few months. This one was genuine and real and he couldn't help the swell in his chest when he imagined it was there because she was dreaming about him.

In the dark, obsessive corner of his mind, he remembered that in a few short hours he would be forced to let her go, to return her to her fiancée. The thought threatened to darken the lighter mood that her idea had given birth to.

It was a solid plan, something that, if it worked the way they wanted it to, might get them out of this mess and make everyone happy in the process. Things rarely worked that smoothly. But as long as she rested so peacefully in his arms, smiling away happily, he could imagine that this time they might. This time everything would go exactly according to plan. And that might even mean that the end game to this whole affair was in sight. It might mean that there would be a time in the very near future when he wouldn't have to give her to Nate at the end of the night. There would be a time when she would be his, all his in every possible way. And he would be able to shout it to the world.

That was exactly what he wanted to do. He wanted to take her to the rooftop and shout to the entire city that she was his and there was nothing anyone could ever do to change that.

A sigh escaped her and she snuggled closer into his chest. His arm tightened around her waist and he inhaled deeply, drawing her scent into his lungs and imagining a time when he could hold her like he was every night.

It was the first time in his life that he hadn't felt quite so alone in the world. Someone, other than himself loved him, cared about him.

And the thing that really got him, the thing he would never understand was how much he meant to her as well. Here she was, strong, independent, beautiful, resourceful, and intelligent, and somehow, she needed him. She told him all the time. It was incredible.

He had to be the luckiest man in the world and as he lay there staring up at the ceiling, letting his fingers gently glide through her chocolate curls and listening to her sleep so peacefully, he determined that he would make sure she knew how much she meant to him, everyday. He never wanted to take her for granted, never wanted the fact that she was in his life to feel commonplace or ordinary. She was a gift. He had no idea what he had ever done to deserve her, but he wanted to make sure that he appreciated every moment he was allowed to spend with her.

She stirred and he felt her breath brush over his shoulder as she raised her eyes to his face. " Those look like some pretty heavy thoughts churning around in there, Bass. Should I be concerned ?"

He smiled and bent his head to kiss her forehead. " I was actually thinking about how much I love you."

" Oh, well, then, please continue. I'll be quiet and let you contemplate." She answered, snuggling into the crook of his shoulder. " Or you can tell me all about it. Either way."

" Are you fishing for a compliment ?" He chuckled.

" You're the one that brought it up and besides, I never have to fish. If I need a compliment, I'll give it to myself. But it is so much better coming from you."

He was quiet for a moment. " I was just thinking that in a very short amount of time, we could be doing this every night. In the not so distant future I could have you all to myself."

" This is going to work, Chuck. It has to. I can't be without you any more. It's killing me not being able to be with you everyday."

He shifted and blinked at her in amazement.

" What ?" She asked, at his expression.

He shook his head. " I just can't believe I have you."

" Of course you have me. I've always been yours, even when I didn't want to be." She chuckled.

He laughed with her. " So we put this all into motion tomorrow and everything will go just as planned and we all live happily ever after."

She shifted, moving over him and resting her head on his chest for a moment. " Exactly."

" And by this time next month, we won't have to sneak around, or pretend anymore."

She nodded, causing her hair to brush over his nipple and send a tingle straight through him. " We still have some time before you have to leave. Let's not waste it with all this talking."

She raised up and kissed him, lingering over the contact. " That sounds the another perfect plan."


	17. Chapter 17

" OW !" She exclaimed as her entire body jerked to the side and she nearly stumbled trying to right herself again.

" I'm sorry, Miss Blair. I try to be gentle." Dorota told her, " But I think maybe you need another size."

Blair glanced down at the long white gown she was wearing, then threw a dangerous glare over her shoulder at her maid. " I DO NOT need another size. I'm a two. I've always been a two. Are you saying you think I've gained weight ?"

Dorota backed away from her a bit before giving her a smile. " I think maybe the dress is just miss-sized. Maybe we try another one ?"

Blair took a deep breath and let it out slowly, causing the already binding material around her waist to push against her lungs. " I don't like this one anyway. Go find another one, and get the right size this time."

Dorota helped her peel the entirely too tight bodice off and step out of the dress.

Her arm went immediately to her breast, covering them protectively as she waited on the other woman's return.

" Are you alright ?" Serena asked, as she looked up from the magazine she was perusing.

" I'm fine. Why ?"

Her best friend shrugged. " You've just been a little more short-tempered than normal the last few days. I thought maybe something was bothering you."

Blair pasted on a smile and beamed it in Serena's direction. " I'm fine. What could possibly be wrong?"

Serena tossed the magazine on the table beside her and gave Blair her full attention. " Maybe the fact that you are marrying the wrong man ?"

Blair blinked at her in surprise and a soft cry from behind her told her Dorota had returned with another dress.

" I'm not marrying the wrong man. I love Nate. This is everything I've ever wanted." She answered firmly as she stepped into the bundle of white material Dorota was holding out for her.

" If you say so." Serena mumbled, getting up and coming to help her arrange the drape of the dress.

It was sleeveless with a sweetheart neckline and Serena reached up to tug the bodice into its proper place.

Blair yowled once more in pain and jerked away from her friend. " What are you trying to do to me ?"

" We trying to help, Miss Blair." Dorota panted through her struggle with trying to get the zipper to fully rise.

Serena glanced over her shoulder to judge Dorota's progress. " I hate to say it, Blair, but this one isn't fitting either. Are you sure you don't want to try a four ?"

Blair felt her cheeks warm in anger. " How could I possibly have gained weight ? I've hardly taken any time to eat in the last month."

Serena's eyes were resting over Blair's hand which was once again hugging her breasts protectively.

" Is there something wrong with your chest ?" Serena asked, without looking up.

Blair instantly dropped her hand. " Of course not."

" And look how pale you are ? Have you been sleeping ?"

" She sleep all the time." Dorota answered before she had a chance to deny it.

" And you're still tired all the time ?" Serena continued.

" I've been stressed with the wedding and my father's health, who could blame me?" Blair answered defensively.

" Blair," Serena began.

" She threw up yesterday right after breakfast." Dorota blurted out quickly. " She thought no one heard her, but I did."

Serena's eyes narrowed. " You didn't do that one purpose, did you, B ?"

Blair looked down at what would have been her feet if it weren't for the yards of material covering them.

" No, I didn't. It was just something I ate. I'm fine. There is nothing to worry about, but maybe I will try a size four. No one has to know but us."

" You're bloated, your breasts are sore, you're tired all the time, you're throwing up. What else aren't you telling us ?" Serena demanded.

Blair pulled her arms back up around her and refused to look at her friend. " I haven't had a period in two months." Her voice was so quiet the other two women almost missed it.

" Oh my God!" Serena started. " You're-"

" Don't you dare say it !" Blair stopped her. " It isn't unusual to miss a period when your under a lot of stress."

" Miss Blair," Dorota interjected. " You have to see a doctor."

" I don't want to see a doctor. I can't have this right now. I have too many other things to worry about and this would just mess everything up." Blair answered, struggling out of the dress and going to her pile of clothes laying beside Serena's chair.

" What exactly would it mess up ?" Serena asked, coming closer to her and giving her a suspicious eye.

" Everything." Blair repeated.

" I don't understand, surely it would make your father even happier to know he might get a chance to meet his grandchild and you and Nate will be fine parents. So," She paused for dramatic effect. " Why does this have you so upset ?"

Dorota gulped audibly as if a sudden thought had just occurred to her. Serena turned sharply and started walking towards her.

" I'm pretty sure I can't break that one. She's tougher than that. But you," She continued to stalk towards the maid. " You know something and I want to know what it is."

" Leave her alone, S. There is nothing to tell." Blair answered, now fully clothed. She came around behind her friend and put herself in front of her maid.

" Oh, there is something to tell alright. It's written all over her face. Why is the thought of having a baby right now such a bad thing, Blair ? You can tell me. You've always told me everything."

" No, I haven't." Blair replied quickly. " I've never told you everything. I've never trusted you like that and you know it. Not since third grade when you told Bobby Taylor I had a crush on him after I told you I liked him in confidence."

" This isn't third grade anymore, Blair. This is something big. I can tell. Just let me help you deal with it."

" We may have grown up since third grade, but I still don't trust you. And besides there is nothing to tell. You're absolutely right. Nate will be thrilled and so will Daddy. This is a good thing. I'm just making more out of it than it deserves."

" Maybe we should find out if it's true first. I'll just run down to the store and get a test. Then we'll know." Serena answered, grabbing her Gucci bag and tossing it over her shoulder.

Blair and Dorota watched her go in silence. It wasn't until the elevator closed and started to descend that Blair rounded on her maid. " You can not say anything to anyone about this."

" But Mr. Chuck deserves to know if its true." Dorota told her.

Blair went to a chair and slumped into it tiredly. " I know and I'll deal with Chuck when I know for sure."

" Are you sure the baby is his ?" Dorota asked coming to the chair beside her and sitting on its edge.

" It has to be. Nate and I are always careful. Chuck and I tend to get a little carried away."

" What will this do to the plan ?"

" It will mess everything up. I can't do this to Chuck. It was one thing when he had to let me marry Nate but to ask him to let Nate believe that this child is his, that's too much." Blair sighed heavily.

" Maybe it's time to come clean, to end this whole thing." Dorota announced sagely.

" But my father," Blair began.

" Maybe your Papa will be so happy about the baby he won't mind so much about the baby Papa."

" Oh, I'm sure he'll be thrilled to know that his grandchild was conceived by Chuck Bass while his daughter was engaged to someone else. It's every father's dream come true." Blair spat sarcastically.

They were quiet for a moment, both of them lost in the truth of that statement.

" Maybe there is a way for your Papa to not have to know everything. Maybe you could talk to Mr. Nate and Miss Serena and get them to help you with your Papa."

" Nate will never go for that and neither will Serena. Chuck and I have already thought of telling them both. We don't think it will ever work."

" Maybe neither of you are giving Mr. Nate and Miss Serena enough credit."

The doors swung opened and Serena appeared with a small bag in her hand. She brought it to Blair and dropped it in her lap. " Go see if there really is anything to worry about before we worry about anything." Serena told her.

Blair took the bag. " Right now ?"

" Yes, now." Serena and Dorota answered in unison.

" Alright. I'll be right back."

Blair was barely out of the room before Serena rounded on Dorota with intent eyes. " It's Chuck's, isn't it ?"

Dorota looked to the floor immediately, avoiding her eyes. " Of course it's not. Miss Blair and Mr. Chuck haven't been together in a long time."

" Miss Blair and Mr. Chuck were just together last night. I know what's going on. I know they haven't stopped seeing each other."

" I don't know what you're talking about." Dorota answered, still casting her eyes downward.

" You can tell me. Blair will anyway. It's okay." Serena cooed soothingly.

" Miss Blair would kill me." Dorota replied finally.

" I knew it !" Serena exclaimed as her eyes lite up.

" What do you know ?" Blair asked as she returned to the room.

" I knew you haven't stopped seeing Chuck. This is his baby. Dorota just told me everything."

Blair's eyes snapped to Dorota who was shaking her head. " I told her nothing, Miss Blair."

Blair planted her hands on her hips and leveled her maid with a scathing glare. " You just told her there was something to tell at least."

" Well, what did the test say ?" Serena asked, stepping up to partially hide Dorota protectively.

" The test said-" her phone chirped and she grabbed it quickly, recognizing her mother's ring tone. "Hello."

" Blair, it's your father. He's at Mercy General. Get her as quickly as you can."


	18. Chapter 18

Chuck felt his heart hammering in his chest so hard it threatened break through his ribcage. His steps faltered as he reached the sliding glass door that led into the interior of the hospital. His hands were sweaty and he resisted the less than sophisticated urge to rub them on his pant legs.

He hadn't been able to think of anything besides getting to Blair since he received Serena's call telling him that Blair needed him. He hadn't stopped to contemplate the reason that Serena had called him. He hadn't stopped to question anything once the words 'she needs you, Chuck.' had left his sister's mouth.

That was right up until the moment he stepped out of his limo and looked up at the towering hospital in front of him.

He hadn't had any reason to be at the hospital since the night of his father's death. The memory came rushing back at him with such an intensity he wasn't sure he could continue to make his body do as he told it to. He could feel the panic rising in his chest. His head pounded, blood rushing to his temples was quickly it caused him to blink rapidly as he did his best to clear away his dizziness.

" Chuck !" He heard someone call his name from somewhere far away, so far away it seemed ridiculous. Sounds were coming at him as if he were under water.

He stopped walking for a moment and closed his eyes, drawing in a few deep breathes as he pushed away his anxiety. Conjuring up one of his favorite memories of Blair, he let himself fall into the image of her smile that he recreated in his mind.

He had to calm down. Today wasn't about him and his issues. It was about her and her father and whatever was happening with him. He drew her in, letting his feelings for her fill him up and he allowed his body to drown in the sensation.

" Chuck !" He heard his name again and finally he opened his eyes and scanned the crowd to find the source. It wasn't Blair's voice, but it was familiar. Still in his current state he could barely place it.

Then his eyes found the young blond hurrying towards him quickly. Her heavily made up eyes were searching him, concern showing there.

" Are you okay ?" Jenny Humphrey asked as she got close enough to now longer have to yell to be heard.

" I'm fine." He all but sneered at her. He felt guilty for his tone. Jenny hadn't done anything to him. She didn't deserve his irritation. " What's going on ? How's Harold ?"

" He's going to be okay for now. He collapsed after his last treatment. His blood pressured dropped and they couldn't get it back up. But they say he's improving." She answered as she turned and began to lead him towards the elevators.

He paused, the memories of the last night of his father's death almost overwhelming him as they moved past through the emergency room of the hospital.

A sudden clamor of activity radiating from one of the rooms at the end of the hall caught his attention and he stayed there staring as several people in various colored scrubbed bustled towards the room shouting and scrambling.

" Chuck ?" He heard Jenny's voice. It was still so concerned and worried and he wanted to reassure her. To tell her that he was fine, if for no other reason than to keep her from raising the alarms for anyone else.

But the room where all the activity was happening held him captive. He couldn't pull his eyes away. It was the same room. That was where it happened. Nearly a year ago, that was exactly where one of the most significant events of his life had occurred. He was mesmerized.

He thought he noticed Jenny moving away from him, a small figured slipping quickly towards the bank of elevators. Then she was gone leaving him standing there, awestruck as he just watched what was happening at the end of the hall.

Someone down there was going through something life what he had gone through. Someone down there was losing someone vitally important to them. His heart went out to them. He wanted to find them and tell them that despite what they were going through, that everything would be fine in time.

" Chuck?" A much more familiar voice was talking to him in a quiet dulcet tone as if she were afraid she might startle him if she spoke too loudly.

" Chuck, are you okay ?" Her hand finding his brought him out of his trace and he turned his face towards hers.

" I'm okay." He answered at seeing the deep worry on his stepsister's face.

" Let's just go up stairs. Blair is waiting for you." She said.

He knew what she was trying to do. He didn't know how she knew but he understood that she did. She was using Blair to pull him out of where he lost. He could see it in her eyes. And it worked, hearing Blair's name and being reminded of the fact that she needed him made him able to move his legs.

Still, though he was moving forward, his eyes were still there, on the room at the end of the hall.

" Is she okay?" He asked as the doors finally closed, taking the scene from his vision and allowing him to concentrate of her instead of what he was going through.

" She will be. She's scared. This really spooked her. I guess she didn't really understand what was happening until now."Serena explained. " I wouldn't have called you, but she just kind of lost it when they told her they couldn't get him to stabilize."

" Where's Nate ?" He said, suddenly remembering what was actually happening in his world and what his position it was supposed to be.

" He's here. But he isn't what she needs. She didn't calm down until I told her you were on your way."

He turned to her for the first time and leveled her with an intense gaze. " How did you find out ? Did she tell you ?"

Serena looked down for a moment, shame written all over her face. " I more or less coerced it out of Dorota."

" So how long until you tell Nate everything ?" He continued, feeling as if his whole world might be falling down around him. The tower of lies and deceptions they had built was suddenly leaning precariously.

" This is wrong, Chuck. How could you do this to him ? He's your best friend. You're his best man. How could you do this ?" She asked in exasperation.

" We don't have any other choice." He answered simply.

" Yes, you do. You can just come clean and be together. I understand that you love each other. I'm not against it. I want both of you to be happy. But you can't make me believe that this is making either of you happy. Especially not now."

His eyes narrowed suddenly. " Why especially not now ?"

She pulled her hand through her hair, brushing it away from her face and took a deep breath. " This isn't the right time for this. We can talk about it later. I'm not going to do anything for now. We need to concentrate on Harold."

He straightened as the elevator slowed and squared his shoulders. " Give me a chance to explain exactly what's going on before you do anything." He asked her. " I know you don't owe me anything, but I need you to promise me you'll let this go for now."

She nodded as the doors slid open. " I promise I won't do anything until we talk. Are you sure you're okay ? I know coming here couldn't have been easy for you."

" I'm fine." He repeated yet again. " This isn't about me right now. This is about Blair. Just remember that we both love her and keep in mind that we are both after the same thing here."

" What's that ?" She asked as she stepped out of the small metal box and turned to watch him do the same.

" We both only want what's best for Blair."

" And you believe that you're what's best for her ? That betraying her fiancé is what's best for her ?" Serena retorted, planting her hands on her hips.

" I believe you knew enough to call me. You did that despite the fact that Nate was right here with her. I think that says something about what you think Blair needs." He replied as they began to walk down the hall.

" I've never said I thought she didn't belong with you. I've never had a problem with you being together. It isn't about that. I've seen you both when your together. This isn't about whether you love each other. It's about this game you seem to be playing with people I care about. This isn't a game, Chuck."

He stopped and gave her a dangerous look. " I am well aware that this isn't a game. Don't for even a minute believe that any of this has been easy or taken lightly."

" Then why do it at all ?"

" I thought you didn't want to talk about this now." He told her, trying to brush past her.

" Maybe now is the time for this." She said, blocking his path.

" Harold is why." He answered quietly. " She has to make Harold happy right now."

" Don't you think Harold will be happy knowing she is with the person she wants to be with ?"

" When that person is me instead of Nathaniel, no. I don't believe that will make him happy."

" Harold will understand."

" No, he won't and he doesn't have enough time to get used to the idea." He sighed heavily. " We are under a bit of a time crunch here. We need to concentrate on him and what he wants right now."

She planted her hands on her hips again. " I don't mean to be cruel, Chuck. But Harold isn't Bart."

He had just opened his mouth to reply when he heard her call to him from the other end of the corridor. " Chuck!"

He glanced beyond his sister to see her standing there, looking so small and broken. Her eyes were rimmed with red telling him that she had been crying. Her make up was smeared and her hair tangled and messy. He pushed past Serena determined to move her out of the way if he needed to in order to get to her, but thankfully Serena didn't make that necessary as she stepped to the side and let him pass.

He was almost to her, almost had her in his arms when he faltered, seeing his best friend step around the corner and slid his arm around her tiny waist.

Her eyes searched his, pleading with him to remember where they were. And he took a lungful of air in and exhaled it slowly. His fists instantly clenched at his sides, nails digging into his palms and causing a sharp stab of pain. Yet somehow the pain in his hands wasn't anything close to the pain in his chest as he watched her standing there with him.

It was the first time that he had actually seen them together and he wasn't anywhere near ready for his reaction. He hadn't expected it, hadn't anticipated how much it would hurt to watch him being there for her when he wanted nothing more than to wrap her in his arms and hold her. Knowing they were together and seeing it were apparently very different things. He wasn't at all sure he could regain his composure enough to get through the next few minutes of his life.

" Are you alright, Buddy ?" Nate was asking him, even as he pulled Blair tighter into his side. " Jenny said you kind of lost it downstairs."

" Did she ?" Chuck hissed as he finally raised his eyes from the hand that was resting on the hip of the woman he loved. " She was wrong. I'm fine. Everything is fine. How's your father ?" He turned his eyes back to Blair, coming them firmly on her face.

" He's going to be okay." She answered with a tiny smile.

" Are you okay ?" His voice was quiet, more intimate than he meant it to be causing Nate to narrow his eyes at him.

Chuck shifted and cleared his throat.

" I'm alright now. Nate and Serena have been here with me. But I'm glad you came too." She answered moving slightly away from Nate's body. She was watching him carefully as if she expected him to break at any moment. And he wasn't entirely sure she was wrong.

He felt the anger rising in his chest, threatening to send him flying towards his friend when Nate leaned into Blair and kissed her temple softly. Was he doing this on purpose, rubbing his nose in the fact that he had her and Chuck was alone ? It didn't really sound like something Nate would do, but the evidence was right there in front of him, and Chuck was almost positive that the small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth was more than a little smug.

He blinked, trying to put everything in perspective. Nate didn't know how he felt about her. He wasn't purposely making this harder on him. He was just being a good fiancé, being there for her like he was supposed to be.

He noticed Serena coming up behind him and she went to Nate and took his free hand. " Come with me down to the lobby. I need a drink and I think Blair could use one, too." She suggested.

Nate let her lead him away, but turned back before they were past Chuck. " Stay with her." Nate whispered. " Don't leave her alone. She isn't as okay as she says she is."

Chuck nodded, thinking about ridiculous the request was. Of course he intended to stay with her. Of course, he wouldn't leave her alone.

He stood still, watching her face as her eyes followed Nate and Serena down the hall. He knew the instant they rounded the corner because she nearly broke on the spot. If he hadn't known her so well he might have missed the slight change in her eyes, the shift in her posture.

But he did know her and he did see and he covered the distance separating them in two wide strides.

Still, he hesitated even as he came close enough that her body brushed against his.

" Are they gone ?" He whispered, low and deep in his throat, not willing to look away from her in order to check for himself.

Her nod was so small it was barely perceptible.

It was a flash of a moment later that she crumpled against him and he was helpless to do anything other than wrap his arms around her.


	19. Chapter 19

" I told her not to call you." Blair whispered against his shoulder after they had found an empty closet down the hall from her father's room and slipped inside.

" Why would you not want her to call me ? Do you not want me here ?" His voice was rough and hollow as it brushed across her cheek.

" Of course I want you here, Chuck. I always want you with me. But I knew this would be hard for you and I knew I wouldn't be able to help you through it. I didn't want you to have to come here." She tried to explain.

" Don't be silly. I'm here for you not the other way around." He brushed her off as he buried his nose deeper into her hair.

" You don't have to stay. I'll be fine. My father is getting better. He'll be okay." She told him, wrapping her arms even tighter around him while telling him to go at the same time.

" Why would you won't me to leave ?"

" I don't want you to have to watch Nate being here with me. You shouldn't have to go through that."

" It's something I'll have to deal with eventually. At least until we get everything worked out."

" About that," She began pulling back from him. " Our plan might have a little snag."

He cleared his throat and she could tell he was fighting to keep his expression unchanged. " A snag ? You mean because Serena knows about us ?"

" I didn't tell her, I swear." She replied immediately.

" I know. She told me she forced it out of Dorota. But I think maybe the plan will work even better this way. Now Nate has her sympathy. This might work in our favor."

She leaned into him feeling as if even the mere few inches that separted them was too much distance. She needed him. Needed his strength. It had always been that way even before she loved him. When he was with Nate, it was always Chuck that she leaned on when times were hard, always his strength that she relied on. Nate had never been that for her.

" I love you." She whispered.

" I love you, too. But we should get back before anyone realizes we're gone."

" I don't want to leave." she replied, tightening her hold on his waist.

" We have to go, Blair. This will all be over soon. Just remember why we're doing all this." He reminded her.

She hesitated, knowing he was right. " I need to see you tonight. We have to talk." She told him finally.

" Is everything alright ?"

She blinked and pulled back from him, fastening a smile to her face. " Everything is fine. I just need to see you. Can you be there tonight ?"

" I'll be there. You know I will." He nodded. " Are you sure nothing's wrong ?"

" I'm positive."

He pulled her into him and kissed her. " I'll go first." He muttered against her lips.

She watched him slip out the door and shut it quietly behind him. Her hands moved unconsciously around her middle as she hugged herself, trying to fight the sudden cold that seemed to permeate her core. It was always that way when he left her. He never just left her, it felt as if he took a piece of her with him, a hole in her chest that she would continue to feel until she was with him again. He was a part of her, there was no denying that anymore. Not that there had ever been a point to denying it to begin with. She had never been able to convince herself of it. He became a piece of her the night she spent with him in his limo. She belong to him the first time he kissed her.

She would never understand how they had spent so many months denying how they felt about each other, fighting what was clearly taking over their lives.


	20. Chapter 20

His skin felt so hot he feared he might combust from the intensity even as he dragged her further into his chest. Her breasts pushed into his ribcage every time she panted for breath making it hard from him to catch his and yet still his arms tightened where they rested, one at the small of her back, the other at her waist.

" We..." She panted at him, trying to make her words comprehensible. " need...to.. talk." The last word came out as a gasp when he nipped at her collarbone.

" Later." He informed her, dipping low enough to grip her legs at the knees and yank them around his waist, hefting her into the air.

Her arms encircled his shoulders in response and he felt her entire body shiver against his.

" Chuck," she gulped even as her lips attacked the side of his neck.

He pulled back from her far enough to look into her eyes. " We have all night to talk. Right now," He pushed her into the wall, letting it support some of her weight so he could grind his erection into her. "We have more pressing issues to deal with."

She let out a long, low moan and raised her hips to meet his. " Fine," She answered when she finally pulled her lips from his, " Later."

He swung her around, taking her entire weight into his arms and moved them quickly down the hall. He felt her reach out and grasp the bedroom door as they passed and it slammed shut behind them. Then it only took three long strides before he placed her on the edge of the bed.

He stood between her legs, attempting to pull back enough to remove his shirt, but she held him to her, refusing to let him go. He stilled as her hands snaked down his shoulders and came to rest at his chest. Feeling her tiny fingers move under the material on either side of the shirt, he grabbed her hands and pulled back.

" This is one of my favorites." He said in answer to her questioning gaze. Then he let his fingers work quickly at the buttons until he was able to slid it off and let it fall to the floor behind them.

" Spoilsport" she pouted as she watched his fingers dealing with the button and zipper of his pants.

" Next time I'll wear clothes I hate." He answered, stepping out of his pants and letting them fall where they landed at his feet.

" I'm not particularly fond of this dress." She informed him as she scooted back on the bed to give him room to join her.

He cocked an eyebrow at her and let the smile come to his lips slowly. " Is that right?"

" In fact, I have no idea why I even wore it. It's so last season." She smiled back at him as she propped herself up on her elbows and gave him a look that went straight to his crotch.

His hands went to her thighs, resting there for a moment as he just looked at her. " God, you are beautiful." He mumbled as he continued to take her in.

" I"m more beautiful out of the dress, Bass." She told him in a low, throaty voice.

His movement was so sudden it startled her and she let out a squeal as his hands suddenly came up and ripped the bodice of the dress down the middle. " Yes, you are." He agreed as he smiled in approval.

He tore at the rest of the flimsy material until he had all of her revealed. Then he sat back and again took her in. " I am the luckiest man in the world."

She raised up and wrapped her arms around his shoulders, dragging him with her as she leaned back again. " Yes, you are."

He chuckled as his head dipped to her breasts. Taking a nipple into his mouth, he sucked feverishly until he thought he felt her wince and began to shift under him.

" Did I hurt you ?" he asked, suddenly concerned as he raised his head from her chest.

" It's nothing." She whispered, waving off his worry as her nails dug into his shoulders and her hips raised off the bed, grinding into his and causing him to throw his head back and let out a growl.

Her hands left his shoulders, instead fisting into his hair and pulling at it until he raised his face to hers. In the next instant her lips were over his and her tongue was gliding across his teeth.

His hand moved down her body, not stopping until he found her warm, moist center. Her entire body jerked when his finger found her bundle of nerves and brushed across it. Then he moved further, letting a finger slid into her velvety depths.

" So wet." He murmured against her lips.

" All for you." She answered impaling herself even further onto his seeking finger. " Only for you."

Her words whirled in his head as a fleeting image of her writhing under his best friend came to him, but he pushed it away, not wanting to ruin what little time they could call theirs.

She moaned his name as he added another finger. One of her hands left his hair, trailing down his chest until she found his length and circled her fist around it. As she started to stroke up and down his whole body shook with need and the consuming, pounding throb she was creating with her touch.

Finally, unable to withstand any more torture, he pulled his fingers from her and grabbed her hips, aligning her body perfectly with his.

The moment he entered her they both let out a sigh and delved into the feeling of wholeness that it always brought them. The perfection was more than either of them could take and they began to move in a slow, rocking rhythm that enveloped them both.

" I love you." Blair breathed against his neck before nipping at his Adam's apple.

He knew it was coming. She always said it when they were like this, but it didn't diminish the feeling in his chest that her words always caused.

" I love you, too." He answered as he began to increase their pace, holding onto her hips as they moved together.

It wasn't long before they were pushing into each other with a force that rattled their teeth and left them gasping for every breath. He held back as long as he could, clenching his eyes closed in concentration and hoping he could withstand the abuse he was putting his body through as he held out for her. When he finally felt her muscles clench around him and she cried out his name, he allowed himself to let go, screaming her name as he did and holding onto her with bruising intensity.

He was still panting, trying to control his pumping heartbeat when she began to stir under him. He hadn't realized he had collapsed so completely over her until he felt her wiggle.

" Can't breath." She puffed against his shoulder and he rolled in response.

Once she was securing settled in the crock of his shoulder, he raised his head and kissed her forehead gently. " You said you wanted to talk about something."

She folded her arms over his chest and rested her head there so she could see him better. " Do you really think we have a future ?" She asked, seemingly out of the blue. " I mean after the whole thing with the fake marriage and my father is over, where do you see us going ?"

He raised up, dislodging her from her resting place and making her sit up as well in response. " I plan for us to be together forever." He answered without the slightest hint of hesitation. " I love you."

" So you think that someday we'll get married and all that ?" She asked, crossing her arms over her chest.

" Of course, all of that. I want us to have a life together. Where is all this coming from ?" He asked, suddenly concerned over the conversation's topic.

" We've just never talked about it before." She answered vaguely. " What about children ? Have you ever thought about having children someday ?"

He blinked in surprise and shook his head, thunderstruck by the question. He hadn't actually ever imagined himself as a father. He couldn't begin to even picture it. Having no real means of comparison, he wasn't sure he had any idea at all about how to be a father.

" I suppose that's the natural course of things." He told her. " But no, I've never really thought about it. My father did such a wonderful job of screwing me up, I guess I never pictured myself passing that particular torch to another generation."

" So you don't want children ?"

There was something more to the question than he was hearing, of that he was certain. He wasn't sure where the emotion was coming from but it was there in her eyes as they searched his face. It was almost as if she was looking for something, hoping he would give her the answer she wanted to hear. But it just wouldn't come. He wanted to be honest with her. He had promised himself that he would never purposefully lie to her again and it was a promise he desperately wanted to keep.

" I didn't say I didn't want children. I just said I've never thought about it. But honestly the idea of having children scares the hell out of me." He said watching as her face fall and her shoulders sag in response to his answer. Obviously it wasn't the one she wanted to hear. " What is going on, Blair ? There's more to this than curiosity. I can see that. Tell me what you aren't telling me."

" It's nothing. There isn't anything to tell." She answered, getting off the bed and snatching his shirt from the floor.

" You know you can't lie to me anymore. We are way past that. Something is going on with you and I want to know what it is." He demanded as he grabbed his pants and shrugged them on without bothering with the button or zipper. He wasn't sure why he felt the need suddenly to be dressed, but it seemed like a conversation they should be having clothed.

Apparently she felt the same way because she yanked his shirt around her and quickly buttoned it up.

" I want to marry you. Hell I'd already have asked if this whole Nate thing hadn't come up." He told her, grabbing her shoulders so she had to look at him. " And I'm well aware that you want children. I would never deny you something like that. This is me, just because something scares me, it doesn't mean I won't do it. If it did, we wouldn't be here now." He explained wanting her to understand that nothing was as important to him as keeping her with him.

" I don't want you to want children just because you know I want them. I want you to want them for yourself." She said quietly.

" I'm sure someday I will." He countered. " It's just not something I've ever thought about."

She shrugged off his hands and stormed to the door then she turned back to him and leveled him with a glare that dropped his stomach to his knees.

Her next words nearly dropped the rest of him there as well. " Well you better start thinking about it now and figure out what you really want because I'm pregnant."

Then she turned again and stormed out of the room.


	21. Chapter 21

Blair Waldorf did not cry like a baby every time something didn't go her way. She wasn't weepy or clingy or any of those things. It wasn't in her. She was made of tougher stuff. So she really could not figure out, for the very life of her, why she was slumped against the bathroom door, crying her eyes out after yelling and being horrible to the one person in the world she had no reason to be horrible to.

It was like an alien had taken over her body, forced her to do and say things she hadn't meant to do or say. The entire thing had gotten more fucked up than she could have imagined it being. She hadn't planned it like it happen. She had everything all worked out. She knew exactly what she wanted to say to him, exactly how she wanted to tell him that everything in their lives was about to change.

Then the alien appeared and requisitioned her body to use to spew forth it's evil. She had been so mean, had felt so betrayed and hurt and truth be told, he hadn't done or said anything wrong.

She knew that. He hadn't made any mistakes, had negotiated the loaded mine field of her interrogation with love and honesty. How could she be mad at him for that ?

But even as those thought buzzed through her brain, she felt the unbridled need to lash out still and Chuck was the closest victim.

And his timing was impeccable as he gently knocked on the bathroom door and quietly spoke from the other side of it. " Blair, open the door. Let me in."

She clenched her eyes shut and tried to stamp down the fury she felt for no discernible reason. " Just leave me alone." She answered finally.

" You know I'm not going to do that." He answered as he tried the locked doorknob, causing it to rattle.

"Chuck, please just leave. I need to be by myself for a while."

She needed him to go away, to remove himself from her line of fire. Her tone was almost pleading. She didn't want to hurt him. She just wasn't sure she had enough control over her emotions to keep that from happening. The best thing would be for him to just go before it was too late and she ended up hating herself for something she said to him.

" I'm coming in there even if I have to break the damn door down. So just save us both a lot of trouble and open it." He told her with a firmness to his tone that said he had no intention of backing down.

She sighed in resignation and tried once again to explain the dangers of the territory he was attempting to transverse. " I don't want to see you right now. I can't talk about this."

The doorknob rattled again. " Well, it's a little late for that, Dear." The term of endearment sounded like anything but, and it only served to spike her ire further.

Getting to her feet and brushing a hand harshly over her tear stained eyes, she snatched the door opened and glared at him.

" What the hell was all that about ?" He demanded, with his hands planted on his hips. His fingers were digging into the flesh just above where his waistline was riding low on his hips. He still hadn't bothered with the button or zipper of his pants. " Were you just looking for a reason to be mad about this ? Was that what the inquisition was all about ? You needed someone to blame and I fell right into your trap."

She hadn't meant it to be like that. The things she'd asked him were all legitimate questions that they hadn't ever really talked about before. But as she thought back over the exact conversation, she realized that he had summed up the situation perfectly, read her like a book. He simply knew her too well.

" You didn't just fall into it, you jumped in with both feet." She spat, coldly.

" Maybe if I'd known all the facts to begin with I would have done better on your test."

Tears sprang to her eyes again and it pissed her off even more that she was about to cry in front of him when all she wanted to do was be angry. " It was supposed to be a pop quiz. If you had all the facts before hand, you wouldn't have been as honest."

" It was playing dirty and you know it, Blair. We need to talk about this."

" I think you've already said everything you needed to say about the subject." She shrugged. " You haven't ever thought about having kids. You don't want them. I got that much." She stuck her chin out defiantly and puffed her chest with a bravado she was no where near feeling. " You don't have to worry about this. It isn't your problem. I'll deal with it myself."

" I know this is going to just piss you off even more, but I have to ask and I think I have every right to." He paused as if sensing that his next words would cut her deeper than he wanted to, but the look in his eyes said he had no other option. " Are you certain it's mine ?" He swallowed so hard she watched in fascinated horror as his Adam's apple bobbed. " I mean, it really doesn't matter. It doesn't change anything either way. I just need to know." His voice had gone soft, so soft it seemed breakable and so vulnerable all the anger inside her gushed out in an instant, leaving her slightly light headed with the force of its retreat.

" I'm certain it's yours." She answered and somehow her voice remained steady and firm throughout the entire sentence.

His shoulders slumped involuntarily and he reached out to take her hand. She let him take hold her and guide her from the cramped bathroom. When they finally reached the bedroom, he led her to the bed and sat down beside her, leaving a few inches of space between them. It was strange body language for him. When they were alone they rarely went very long without touching. The movement caused a stab of fear to unconsciously blaze to life in her stomach.

" I know this is going to sound morbid and maybe even a little sadistic, but you're absolutely certain?" The uncertainty in his question was so un-Chuck like that it did nothing to squash the fear growing inside her, if anything it only gave it more fuel.

" I'm absolutely certain, Chuck. It's yours." She confirmed.

Maybe she hadn't realized exactly how much her fake relationship with Nate was bothering him. There was something in his face that disturbed her more than anything ever had. She wasn't sure how to label it. On anyone else she would have called it near panic, but this was Chuck. He didn't do panic. He barely did uneasy. So the idea that his facade might be crumbling before her eyes over something she was doing to him terrified her.

And she knew, right then. If she had been a cartoon character, a light bulb would have suddenly blared to life over her head.

She simply, positively could not do any of this anymore. She was his. It was all she ever wanted. He was all she wanted, and all she needed. There was nothing in the world so important to her that she would cause him the kind of pain she was inflicting on him. He had already been through so much, she never wanted to add to the heap of hurt he had been forced to live through.

" First off, I want to say that everything you just said was complete insanity. It's more absurd than listening to you and Serena fighting over shoes." He told her, taking her hand lightly in his. " But you are right. This isn't my problem."

Her stomach dropped to her toes and her eyes widened. He was dumping her. The baby was more than he could handle and he was backing out so quickly he was leaving skid marks. It was so beyond what she expected his reaction to be. He said he loved her. Did that only mean he loved her as long it was convenient to love her ?

" I'm not sure exactly what I'm feeling right now." He continued, squeezing her hand to regain her attention. " But I know I don't see this as a problem."

" Chuck," She whispered as she watched him drop her hand and bring and his to rest over her abdomen.

He yanked his hand back as if she had burned him and pulled away from her completely. He opened his mouth as if he were about to something else, then closed it again and looked away from her. " I know what you need me to do here. I know you need me to tell you that this is the best thing that's ever happened to me and go cartwheeling around the room. But I'm not sure I can do that yet."

She furrowed her brow as she watched him closely, looking any sign that he was about to bolt out of her life so fast he would leave skid marks. It was what she had expected. In fact, she had tried all night to prepare herself for it when it happened.

But as she watched, he didn't bolt. He didn't even more other than to shift his eyes back to her. " I know that I love you and this does nothing to change that. I'm just numb right now. I need a minute to absorb." He told her, truthfully.

She stood from the bed and walked to the closet slowly. She could feel him watching her as she pulled on a fresh set of clothes that she kept there in case of emergencies. When she turned back to him, his eyes were still hooded and unreadable.

" Take all the time you need." She said though the words felt as if they were tearing a hole in her chest as she uttered them. " You know where I'll be when you figure out how you feel about this."

Then she turned and walked out of the room, not stopping until she was at the stairs leading outside, leaving him and Eden behind with the soft thump of the door shutting.

She hadn't heard from him in three days. Three days that had caused her to sink so far into her own darkness that she wasn't sure she would ever see the light again. Seventy-two of the longest hours of her life. She had managed to refrain from breaking down so far. She had managed to make everyone believe that everything was fine, thought she hadn't spent much time outside her bedroom. She was playing on the flu that everyone thought she was suffering from. It served as a good mask for what was really going on with her, even though it was so temporary.

She knew she would have to face them all eventually. Serena had been relentless until she left her a brief message telling her that she told Chuck everything and she hadn't heard from him since. Her despair only grew when Serena sent back a message saying no one had seen him since. He hadn't been home and he hadn't been to work. As far as anyone could tell, he had skipped out in true Chuck bass fashion.

Dorota was trying to be as supportive as she could, doing a remarkable job of keeping everyone at bay and refusing to let anyone get close to her. It warmed her heart every time she heard the older woman's thick accent outside her bedroom door threatening whoever was approaching with something worse than death if they disturbed her. Her very own pit bull.

A week had gone by when she finally emerged from her room and then only on the insistence of her father. He wanted to see her before he left for a new set of treatments in Florida and she could hardly deny him that.

Besides, she reasoned with her, trying to bolster her resolve, it was time for the two of them to have a talk.

" Princess," He beamed at her from where he sat of the end of the sofa and she went to him and let him encircle her in his arms.

" We need to talk, Daddy." She said trying to keep her voice from being muffled by his yellow, cashmere sweater.

"Okay," He held his smile in place as he let her go and watched as she took a seat on the opposite end of the sofa.

" I know how important this whole marriage is to you. I understand what it means." She began, rushing headlong into it before she lost her nerve. As his smile fell and his eyes narrowed slightly. She almost retreated, but then the memory of the look on Chuck's face returned to her and she knew she had no other choice, but to keep going. It was the only way she would ever be able to leave with herself again. " I'm not a child anymore. This isn't a fairy tale and I'm not a princess."

" Of course you are sweetheart. You'll always be my princess. What's bothering you ?"

She closed her eyes and swallowed around the lump in her throat. " I'm not marrying Nate."

He sat up quickly and reached out to touch her leg. " Did you have a fight ? Did he do something to you ?"

She shook her head. " No, it's nothing like that. Nate is wonderful. He's the perfect guy. He's just not the perfect guy for me."

" But, I thought this was what you always wanted." He replied, clearly confused by the sudden turn of events.

" He was until I grew up and realized that I can't make myself love someone just because I'm supposed to love them. That isn't the way this works." She leveled him with a penetrating gaze. " You, of all people should understand that."

" Of course I understand that." He answered quickly. " The only thing in the world that I want is to know that you're happy. That's why this whole thing was so important to me. It had nothing to do with Nate and everything to do with you getting everything you've ever wanted."

" When you left Mom and moved to Paris with Roman, I didn't understand. I thought Mom had done something or said something that made you run away. I couldn't believe that you just didn't love her anymore. Then when you visited for Christmas, I saw the two of you together and I got it. For the first time in my life I saw something more than the typical fairy tale with the Prince sweeping the princess off her feet and living happily ever after. I understood for the first time that sometimes the story doesn't end the way every one wants it to and that's okay. It isn't important that everyone else like the way your story plays out. It only matters that you do."

He moved closer to her and took her hands in his. " Sweetheart, what is this all about ? If you aren't in love with Nate then of course, I don't want you to marry him, But there's more to this. You can tell me anything. You know that."

" This is about Chuck Bass." Elenore's voice answered from the doorway before she had the chance.

Her father glanced up at her mother with surprised eyes. " I thought that was over a long time ago."

"Oh, Harold." Elenore sighed as she entered the room and took the chair opposite the sofa. " Of course it isn't over. It's never been over and it never will be."

Blair's gaze shot to her mother. " It is over. This isn't about Chuck. It's about me not being able to do this anymore." She turned back to her father. " The only reason I got back together with Nate was because I thought it was what you wanted. But I can't go through with it anymore. I can't keep pretending that I feel something I don't."

He grabbed her quickly and pulled her into his chest. " I never wanted you to pretend, Blair. I've never wanted you to be anything more than who you are."

" But this has always been our dream, our plan. I didn't want to disappoint you." She replied as she buried her face in his shoulder.

" The only way you could disappoint me is by trying to be something you aren't. You should know that, Blair. You know how much pain I put myself and your mother through by pretending to be something I wasn't."

She pulled back from him and tried to suppress the sniffle that threaten to come as she wiped at her eyes. " Well, then, I'm done pretending. I'm not in love with Nate. I haven't been in a really long time."

He gave her a half-hearted smile. " But you are in love with Chuck and you have been for a really long time."

She lowered her eyes and nodded before looking back at him. " But it doesn't matter. We had a fight and I haven't seen him in a few days. I think it might really be over this time."

" That's ridiculous." Elenore scoffed from her chair.

" No," Blair shook her head. " Something happened and I think he's gone for good."

" He isn't gone." She insisted.

" Mom," Blair snapped, without really meaning to. " I really don't want to talk about Chuck right now. I don't need a pep talk or a pretty little speech about how he'll be back to profess his undying love and vow to never leave my side. It's over. It's done."

Elenore cleared her throat and leaned forward giving Blair a warning look that said it was not alright for her to yell at her. But her face fell into a soft smile before she spoke. " Clearly it isn't as over as you think it is, because he's downstairs waiting for you. That's what I came in here to tell you."


	22. Chapter 22

Chuck Bass sat on the side of the bed he shared with the woman he loved and listened as the front door quickly clicked shut. The entire apartment seemed suddenly colder the moment she closed the door on it. Her presence was what gave Eden it's life. She was the only thing that made the place more than just a slightly run down dump in Brooklyn. She made it warm and alive and more important to him that just about anything in the world, beyond her of course.

He wanted to charge after her. He wanted to drag her back and beg her to never leave again. But fear held him in place. Terror beyond anything he had ever felt kept him from leaping up and chasing her down. He had to been honest with her. Especially about something so important. There was no way he could lie to her and tell her he was ecstatic about the baby. She would see right through him, just the way she always did. Even he wasn't good enough to pull this one off.

He reached into his pocket and pulled his phone free. Then he jabbed at the buttons as he pulled it to his ear.

It seemed like every ring lasted forever as he waited for an answer. When he finally he got a 'Hello', it wasn't from the person he expected it to be.

" Where's Lily ?" He asked Serena quickly.

" She's on her way to Italy. She's got some kind of meeting. I guess she forgot her phone. Why ? What's wrong, Chuck ?"

" I need to talk to her. It's important." He said vaguely.

" Blair told you." Her voice was quiet and solemn as she surmised the problem at hand.

He got to his feet and began to pace. " You know about this."

He heard her sigh. " Blair was ignoring the whole thing. I was the one that made her do something about it. What did you do, Chuck ? Please tell me you didn't start acting like your old self again and fuck everything up."

He ran a hand through his hair and he took a deep breath. " I'm not sure I made anything better if that's what you mean."

" Where is she ?" His stepsister demanded angrily.

" She left just a few minutes ago. I'm not sure where she's going."

" Left happy or left mad ?"

" I'm not sure she's mad but she certainly isn't happy. I'm not sure what she is."

" How about disappointed, you asshole ? Does that sound about right ?"

" Disappointed ? Why would she be disappointed ? And why are you making all this out to be my fault? All I did was be honest with her."

" What did you say when she told you ?" Serena asked, still with an accusing edge to her voice.

" None of your business." He snapped. " I'll try to reach Lily in Italy."

He was about to hang up when she stopped him. " Wait, Chuck. I know you aren't happy that I'm a part of this. But I am and I want to help. I know you didn't intentionally fuck anything up. I just need to know what happened so we can figure out how to fix it."

" I appreciate your offer, but I can figure this out on my own." He answered.

" Is that why you are trying to reach my mother ? Because you have it all under control ?" She paused as if considering her next words carefully and he let her have her moment of silence. " I know you, Chuck. Right now you are inches away from drowning yourself in a bottle of Scotch. But you're always inches away from losing the best thing that's ever happened to you, so let me help."

" If I let you help, can I still drowned myself in a bottle of Scotch ?" He asked finally.

" I'll even bring the bottle. Where are you ?"

" What is this place ?" Serena asked, letting her eyes wander over every inch of the small room she found herself in. She scanned over the fireplace and the emerald green couch that sat in front of it. She studied the beige rug with it's scrolling leaf design. She took special note of the mural that covered the pale cream walls, taking in the expanse of greenery with wide, appreciative eyes.

" You can not tell Blair you were ever here." He announced as he shut the door behind her and walked to the sofa to sit down.

" I won't tell her. But again I ask, what is this place ?"

He suppressed the smile that was tugging at the corners of his mouth, the one full of boastful pride. "It's Eden. It's our place."

" You and Blair have an apartment together ? This is where you go when you disappear ?"

He nodded.

"It's beautiful, Chuck." She told him with something close to awe in her voice.

" We like it." He shrugged.

She came to sit beside and reached into her bag. She pulled a bottle from its depths and sat it down on the glass topped coffee table in front of them. " I assume you have glasses."

He rose from his seat and went to the bar that separated the kitchen from the living room. Retrieving two glasses from the rack above his head that held a variety of glassware, he came back to her and watched as she opened the bottle.

" Now tell me what happened." She said, handing him one of the glasses. " Just pretend I'm mom. You seemed to be able to talk to her about this stuff."

He took the glass and a deep breath. " I'm not sure exactly what happened. Everything was fine one minute. She told me she had something to tell me." He began. " We got a little distracted first, but then instead of telling me anything, she just started questioning me."

" Questioning you about what ?" She took a deep drink from her glass.

He did the same before replying. " About how I felt about having children, about where I thought this thing between us was going."

Serena refilled both the glasses and raised her eyebrows for him to continue.

" I told her I wanted to marry her. I told her I would've already asked if she wasn't already engaged."

" Ouch." Serena muttered.

" It wasn't like that. It wasn't a stab. I was just being honest. And she wasn't mad until I told her that I've never thought about having children before. But I honestly never have. What was I supposed to say? I told her the thought scared the hell out of me. Then she told me about the baby and stormed out of the room."

" You don't have to be so defensive." She said once again draining her glass.

" Well, I know you, too. And no matter what, you are Blair's best friend first. Which is exactly why I wanted to talk to Lily about this." He explained.

" I didn't come here to take sides, Chuck. I want what's best for both of you. I may be Blair's best friend, but like it or not, I'm your sister, sort of." She sighed. " I just want you both to be happy. And for some reason completely beyond me, you are what makes Blair happy."

" Thanks, Sis, for that ringing endorsement." He saluted her with his glass before downing its contents.

" So what happened after that ? Is that when she left ?"

" No, we talked and..." He hesitated before saying more and she eyed him carefully.

" And...." She prompted.

" I think I made sort of a big deal over knowing whether or not the baby was mine for sure. I just had to know. I don't even know why really. It's not like it would have mattered. Nothing will ever change how I feel about her. I just needed to know for sure."

She reached out and touched his hand in a gentle gesture that reminded him so much of Lily he had to look up at her to make sure his mind wasn't playing tricks on him. " Of course you needed to know for sure. But I'm pretty certain she knows for sure that it's yours. I asked her the same thing and she reassured me too. She said she and Nate were always careful, but the two of you sometimes got carried away."

He smirked as he refilled his glass. " I guess we do."

" EW!" Serena commented as she took the bottle. " Okay we ARE NOT going to talk about any of the physical stuff. It's more than I can handle."

" I had no idea you had such a delicate constitution." He teased.

" When it comes to you, I most certainly do. So you talked and then what ?"

" I told her I wasn't sure how I felt about the baby. I told her I knew what she wanted from me but I wasn't sure I could give it to her yet. I said I needed time to figure it all out. Then she left."

" Okay," She said, again refilling the glasses. " So tell me, how do you feel about all this ?"

He ran his hand through his hair. " I have no idea."

" Now that isn't quite true. You just think you'll sound like an asshole if you tell me the truth." She smirked.

" Okay, I'm not ready for this. I'm not sure I ever will be." He stated honestly.

" But you had to know that it would happen eventually."

" I guess somewhere in the back of my mind I figured someday I'd have children. It's one of those things like dying. You know it's going to happen, it happens to just about everyone eventually. I just wasn't expecting it to happen so soon. I figured I'd have more time to get used to the idea."

" Well, the deadline has been moved up. It's time for you to decide. Can you handle this, Chuck ?"

" Me with a baby ?" He scoffed. " I don't know the first thing about babies."

" You have plenty of time to learn." She assured him.

" I haven't exactly had the best role model to base anything from."

" Neither have most of the people in the world and they seem to manage just fine. This is an instinct thing. You'll figure it out."

The liquor was getting to him. He knew that must be why the next words left his lips. He never would have admitted such a thing to Serena if it wasn't for the Scotch's loosening effect on his tongue.

" I'm scared to death of screwing this up."

She turned to him fully and put her hands on his shoulders, again it reminded him so much of Lily. Her eyes were soft and comforting when they met his. " If you are this scared about all this, imagine how she feels."

It was all he needed to hear in order to do what he knew he had to do.

Chuck stood, leaning casually against his limo, pretending the rain that was falling in a heavy curtain all around him didn't exist. He resisted the need the wipe the droplets of water from his face and tightened the arms that were crossed around over his chest.

It was cold and wet and he was miserable. He thought about just waiting for her inside the car. Her mother had said Blair would be down in minute, but several had passed and he still saw no sign of her.

So much for a romantic reunion. He cursed himself for ever letting her leave Eden. He still had no idea how exactly he felt about his impending fatherhood. He wasn't sure he would ever be ready to raise a child. He was, in his mind, still a child himself. He didn't know the first thing about babies except they were tiny and breakable and always seemed to be spouting some form of ooze.

But he knew he loved Blair. There had never been a question in his mind about that. He knew he loved her the first time she leaned into him, begging him to kiss her with her eyes, right there in the back of the very limo he was leaning against. His eyes moved to the back window and he let himself revel in the memory of that time for a few minutes.

It had been, hands down, the best night he had ever spent. And that was saying a lot for him. There were very few things in the world that he could say he hadn't done, most of them more than once. But that night, discovering a side of her that he had never seen before, set his entire existence on end. It changed everything for him.

He wondered, at times when he was alone with his thoughts, if he had known what an impact kissing her that night would make on his life, would he have still done it ? Would he have closed those last few inches between them ? Those few inches that, looking back now, were like the last few inches between who he was and who he was to become.

He hadn't realized it at the time, but there were apparently moments in life that shifted everything you knew or thought you knew, shattered every idea you ever had and turned it all upside down. Moments that left such a tremendous impact you never fully recovered from them. Moments that changed everything about you, who you are, what you thought you wanted and even the basic way you saw the World itself.

That night in the back of the limo, seeing her, really seeing who she was for the very first time, had been one of those moments for him. He hadn't known it at the time. He still wasn't sure he would have let it happen if he had. He didn't remember much of his life before she came into it, but he did remember that it hadn't been nearly as complicated as it was now. Loving her had given him a whole new outlook on life and he knew he would never exchange all the pain and heartbreak they had gone through over the past months for even one of the nights he got to spend in her arms. Knowing she loved him too made everything worth it.

And still yet, knowing that in a few short months, not nearly enough time to really prepare, she was going to have his child terrified him beyond reason.

He wanted to say it didn't matter. He had been scared before and it had never stopped him from doing what he had to do. But this was different. It wasn't about him this time. He was used to screwing up his life. It was something he had come to accept about himself. He even felt as if he had an uncanny knack for it. But this wasn't just his life anymore. It was Blair's and more than that, it was the tiny new life she was nurturing. A new life that wasn't the least bit screwed up yet. The responsibility that came with that thought pushed down on his shoulders and he struggled to keep them from visibly sagging.

He could do this. He could be a father. There was a certain challenge in the whole thing. A gauntlet, of sorts, laid at his feet. This was the one area in his life where he had the possibility of outshining the shadow of Bart Bass that hovered over his every move. He might not be a better business man than his father. He might not be able to match his success in any other realm. But this he could do. He would be a better husband and father than Bart ever hoped to be.

Hell, the bar really wasn't even that high if truth be told. But he didn't want to just meet the bar, he wanted to raise it to heights that Bart never imagined. He wanted to do what his father had never been capable of doing. He wanted to make sure that, despite how he might fuck things up, despite how inept he was at everything he was attempting, his family knew that he loved them beyond anything else in the world.

The thought brought a smile of triumph to his face and it was in that moment that she stepped out of the revolving doors and found him, leaning against his limo in the pouring rain grinning like the Cheshire cat.


	23. Chapter 23

Her steps were cautious as she approached him. Her head was ducked her down into her puffy, pink, jacket to try to fend off the pouring rain and her hands were tucked into the pockets to fight the cold.

" It's raining." She announced as she got close enough for him to hear.

He looked up towards the sky and gave his head a shake, spending droplets of water in her direction. She squealed as they struck her cheek. " I noticed."

" What are you doing here, Chuck ?" She said after simply staring at him for a long moment.

" I said I needed time." He shrugged. " I've had some. Now it's time we talked."

" Out here in the freezing rain ?" She asked, wrapping her arms tighter around her to try to stay warm.

" No, I thought we could go to Eden." He answered.

She shook her head immediately. " I don't want to go to Eden."

" Why not ?"

" Because, right now all I have are happy memories of Eden. I don't know how this is going to go." She shrugged this time. " I don't want to take the chance of ruining it."

He held out his hand and gave her a shy smile, which on him looked almost comical. Chuck didn't do shy. " Trust me."

She raised her eyes from his hand to his face and back again a few times before finally extending her own and taking it.

They rode in silence, neither looking at the other. Neither moving more than was necessary. The amount of tension building between them was bordering on ridiculous and she felt the urge to scream at the top of her lungs from the pressure.

He simply sat, very still, very quiet and stared out the window.

" How are you ?" He asked, finally breaking the silence.

" I'm fine." She shrugged. " Well, I throw up every three minutes and I can't ever get to sleep and when I finally do I can't seem to wake up again without a fight. I feel like ripping everyone's head off one second and crying my eyes out over some stupid commercial on television the next. But other than all that I'm fine."

He chuckled at her attempt at a joke and she was grateful for it. " How have you been ?"

" Busy." He answered nonchalantly.

" Are you working on a new project ?" She inquired thinking the whole time how absurd all the small talk was when there was something so much more important for them to discuss. But he seemed to be biding his time and she let him for the moment.

" You could say that." He chuckled again. " Have you seen a doctor yet ?"

She shook her head. " My first appointment is next week."

He nodded. " They say were in for quite a storm over the next few days. It's supposed to get pretty bad."

Sudden she had all she could take. She huffed loudly in frustration. " Really, Chuck ? Now we're going to talk about the weather ?"

He looked at her with a smile. " I'm sorry. I just didn't want to get into anything else until we get to Eden. The quiet seemed to be bothering you."

" It's fine." She sighed. " I'm just a little short tempered lately."

" How about some music ? Maybe that will help."

She nodded and watched him fiddle with the controls for a few moments before the soft sound of music began to leak from the speakers surrounding them.

She put her head back against her seat and closed her eyes.

_Bells will be ringing their sad, sad news. Oh, what a Christmas to have the blues. _

_My baby's gone, I have no friends to wish me greetings once again. _

_Choirs will be singing Silent Night. Christmas carols by candlelight_

_Please come home for Christmas, Please come home for Christmas_

_If not for Christmas by New Year's night. _

She felt the tears well in her eyes as the song poured all around her. " Can you turn that off ?" She asked, quietly but loud enough for him to hear.

He glanced up at her and immediately stab at a button, ending her torment quickly. " What's wrong ? I thought you liked that song."

She huffed again. " Do you have any idea at all how hard it is to be little more than walking hormone during the Holiday season ? Everywhere you turn there is some kind of sentimental crap jabbing at you and you can't escape it. It's everywhere. On billboards, on the radio, in the elevator, all over the television. And every time someone starts whining about not being with their family, or missing someone or, For God's sake, even talking about how much they love the snow, here I am teary-eyed and wanting to rip their head's off at the same time."

He blinked at her in surprise before finally letting a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. " I'm sorry. I'm sure this whole thing hasn't been easy for you. I know how much you hate to ruin your make up with emotional outbursts."

She kicked him squarely in the shin and he winced and gave her a heated glare. " Don't tease me right now. I can't take it." She informed him. " Yesterday I broke down on Dorota's shoulders because the Grinch had no friends."

He laughed out loud this time. " But he came around in the end. It's a happy story."

" I bet Cyndy Lo Who doesn't agree. I know he brought everything back and made it right in the end, but that poor little girl had to wake up and find everything gone first. It must have been horrible for her."

He nodded, fighting laughter again. " I'm sure she would have needed therapy later in life if she hadn't been a creation of Dr. Seuss."

She folded her arms over her chest defensively. " And don't even get me started on Rudolf or Frosty."

He held his hands up to stop her. " I won't. I promise. You won't hear a peep out of me about reindeer games or magic silk hats."

" But he came to life knowing full well that it was only temporary and that he would die eventually." She whined.

" Frosty didn't die, he melted." Chuck corrected her.

" It's the same thing if you're a snowman." She wailed.

" Remind me to send Dorota some flowers and maybe get her a vacation. I'm sure she needs one." He smirked.

" I haven't been that bad." She answered defensively. He raised his eyebrows in doubt. " Okay, maybe she does deserve a few days off."

" I'll get my people on finding someone to fill her shoes for a bit." He assured her. Then he sat up and waited as the limo pulled up to the curb outside of their apartment building and stopped.

Arther, Chuck's long-time driver, was already out and holding their door opened before she realized they had arrived.

Chuck helped her out and turned to the older man who stood patiently waiting for instructions though the rain was still pelting down on him relentlessly. " You can go on home. I don't plan on returning tonight. I'll call when I'm ready for you tomorrow." Chuck told him, causing Blair to raise her eyebrows this time.

" You're awfully sure of yourself." She smirked as he took her hand and led her inside.

" I always am." He muttered confidently.

She expected them to continue up the staircase to the top floor when Chuck stopped abruptly at the fourth floor landing, making her stumble before she had a chance to right herself. She fell against him and realized it was the most contact she had had with him in a week.

His thoughts were obviously on the same track as he held her against him a little longer than was strictly necessary before helping her regain her footing.

" We're going here." He announced as he indicated an apartment on the floor directly under the one they called Eden.

" Why are we going here ?" She asked.

" You'll see." He answered cryptically as he turned a key in the lock and opened the door.

The blackness inside shrouded the mystery from her until he flipped a switch inside the door and lit up the room.

It was empty, as she looked beyond him and her curiosity grew with each step she took forward.

Chuck closed the door and came to stand in front of her, not close enough to touch her, but close enough she could almost feel the heat coming off his body.

" First off, let me say, I'm an ass. I've been an ass for the last week." She opened her mouth to protest, not wanting him to feel like she blamed him for needing time to think about everything that was happening. But he reached up and put a long, cool finger against her lips. " Let me talk. Then you can have a turn." She nodded in agreement and bit her tongue to keep herself quiet. " I'm not someone who is easily spooked. But last week you scared the hell out of me. I'm not proud to admit it, but it's the truth." He looked down at his hands for a moment before looking back up at her. " I'm still not entirely sure I'm ready for this. I have no idea what I'm doing and I hate that. But," He took her hand and led her further into the apartment.

The only furnishings in the small living room were an old worn recliner and a marred, wooden bookshelf leaning preciously to the side with the weight of all the books crammed into it. She stepped closer to scan the titles and saw that each of them was a volume dealing with either pregnancy or infant care.

" I'm trying to fix my lack of knowledge. It's what I've been doing all week. I've barely left this apartment and you know how much I hate to read." He said over her shoulder, his chest brushing against her back.

" You've spent the last week hiding out here and reading baby books ?" She asked, turning to him.

He nodded as her eyes found his. " I was an idiot for not telling you immediately that I couldn't be happier knowing that you are going to have my baby. You're the best thing that's ever happened to me and this baby is going to be the second best thing."

She reached up and touched his cheek softly. " I told my father that I'm not marrying Nate." His eyes widen in surprise and his mouth fell open. " It's over, Chuck. No more hiding, no more sneaking around. I got my Christmas wish this year."

" What's that ?" He asked, letting his arms fall around her finally.

" I get to tell the entire world that I love you and I always will."

" How did you're father take the news ? Was he angry ?"

She shook her head. " Unbelievably, no. He thought Nate was what I wanted and that was why he pushed so hard for it."

His eyes widened again. " You mean we've been doing all this hiding and torturing ourselves for the last three months for no reason ?"

She hadn't actually made that connection until he pointed it out for her, but when he did, it caused a smile to spread across her face. " I guess we have. I mean, we still have to deal with Nate, but something tells me he isn't going to be as upset about all this as we think we might be."

He pulled her tighter into him and let his nose nuzzle her cheek. " Why is that ?" He asked.

" I saw him watching Serena the other day with that hang-dog expression he always gets when he sees something he wants but can't have." She answered, leaning further into him and letting her arms wrap around his neck.

" So our plan worked out the way we wanted it to without us even trying." He muttered. " That's a new one. Usually our plans require at least a little effort."

She chuckled quietly. " Maybe it's because this time we were working with the natural order of things instead of against them."

" Maybe so. How about we go upstairs and hope to get trapped by the blizzard I've heard is coming our way ?" He suggested.

" We can't hope for that. There is no food upstairs and hardly anything to drink that isn't alcoholic and while that has you covered, I'm going to thirst to death." She laughed as he began to move them towards the door.

" I've had it all taken care of. We have everything we need for a nice long stay if it comes to that. The refrigerator is practically bursting." He explained letting her go and taking her hand instead.

" Chuck, neither of us knows how to cook."

He turned to her abruptly. " Maybe I should call Arther and tell him to bring Dorota to us."

Blair threw her head back and barked out a laugh. " Let that woman rest. You have no idea the hell she's been through over the last week."

" Then I guess we'll just have to manage on our own." He offered.

" Survival instinct will win out. We won't starve."

" I hope you're right." He told her as they began to ascend the stairs.

" I know I am. As long as I have you, I don't need anything else." She assured him.

" So love will keep us alive ?" He quirked his eyebrow at her.

" No, food, heat and water will keep us alive. Love will keep us happy though so at least we know we won't die miserable." She teased him.

He stopped outside the door that lead to Eden and looked her intently, all teasing gone from his face.

" I've been staying here all week and still it doesn't feel like I've been here in forever." He told her.

She looked him questioningly. " I'm not sure I understand what you mean."

" This place," He answered, " Our place just isn't the same when you aren't sharing it with me. Please tell me you won't ever leave me here alone again."

She touched his face as the tears welled in her eyes once again. " I promise, Chuck. I'll never leave you alone anywhere again."

The look of relief that crossed his face did nothing to alleviate the tears that were threatening, in fact, she felt several fall to her cheek and she used her free hand to bat them away.

" I didn't mean to make you cry." He told her pulling her close and kissing the damp places on her face.

" I thought we just discussed how Frosty the Snowman makes me cry right now." She gave a watery laugh followed by a less than feminine sniffle.

" I want to spend the rest of my life making sure you never have more to cry over than a snowman melting." He whispered against her cheek.

She smiled finally and kissed him. " And I want to spend the rest of my life making sure you never feel alone again."

She thought he heard him sniffle this time. But she ignored it, knowing that if he was indeed showing that much emotion he wouldn't want to make an issue of it.

" It sounds like we both have our work cut out for us." He answered after a long silence.

" Maybe." She smiled as she pulled his face to hers. " But it will be a labor of love."

Author's Note – I don't usually do this. In fact, I'm actually against it for the most part. I feel that it interrupts the story. But I wanted to take a moment to say thank you to all of you who have reviewed and left your little bit of kindness for me. You really are the reason I do this. You have no idea how much it means to me to know that you're reading and enjoying what I do. I also wanted to let you know that despite the fact that this reads like an ending, it isn't. Not yet. There are still a few things to clean up and I'm already planning the sequel because I can't wait to accompany these two into parenthood.


	24. Chapter 24

The cold downpour of the week before had turned to sleet and then snow. The blizzard had arrived and they had made it through to the other side. The entire city was covered in a powdery whiteness that made it seem to take on an almost magical glow. Or maybe that was just the feeling of happiness resting squarely in Chuck's chest for the first time in longer than he cared to admit. Four days had been spent wrapped around Blair, doing what he could to aid the fire in keeping her warm during the short-lived power outage. Four days of no outside world, no one calling, no one interrupting their bliss. Nothing but making sure she knew how much he loved her.

He glanced beside him at the woman sitting there with her chocolate curls falling loosely around her shoulders and a soft contented smile playing on her full, perfectly made up cranberry lips. She wore a white, vintage Chanel suit and it fit her perfectly. It was smart and refined and not something she normally wore, but it looked just right for the event they were heading for. It was a responsible, grown up look and somehow the suit made her even her face seem more mature. It amazed him as he looked over at her how in such a short time the young, bright-eyed, spoiled princess of a girl had disappeared and in her place sat a beautiful, capable, intelligent woman that was more his match than he had ever dreamed of finding.

The limo was slowing and he glanced outside to see the building where her penthouse occupied the top floor. He felt her hand reach for his and give it a squeeze of reassurance. Then she leaned close to him and whispered in his ear so softly it was little more than a breath of air. " He's going to love you, Chuck."

He smiled but it held none of his usual confidence. " How can you be so sure ?" He asked, hoping her answer would serve to alleviate at least some of his nervousness.

" Because I love you." She told him simply before laying a quick kiss to his cheek as the door beside him opened.

The elevator ride seemed endless as the small metal box made its way slowly to the top of the towering building. His bases instincts told him this was not a good idea. The little voice in his head that he used to listen to almost exclusively urged him to run, ran as fast as he could and never look back. This was new territory for him. He didn't do parents. He was seeking something here that he had never purposefully sought out before, approval.

But he was done listening to that voice. Had been done with it for a long time. He wasn't that man anymore, or rather he wasn't that boy. Apparently they had both grown up and he knew his feelings for Blair were more the reason for that than anything else.

" You're nervous." the woman in question mused as she watched him in the reflective surface of the elevator doors. " You're practically fidgeting."

He cast a glare at her, but it didn't have anywhere near its normal bite. " I don't fidget and I'm not nervous."

She sighed at him and took his hand in hers. " It's okay to be nervous, Chuck. Being human isn't a bad thing. In fact, in some cultures, its practically revered."

" What if you're wrong ? What happens when we go in there and your father hates me ?" He asked her after a moment.

She laughed. " This isn't the first time he's ever met you, Chuck. You very nearly grew up at my place. He already knows you."

" He knows me as your friend, not as your...." He trailed, unsure of how to finish the sentence.

" My what ?" She giggled, teasingly.

" I don't know. What am I exactly ?"

" Boyfriend ?" She offered helpfully.

" No, that sounds wrong." He struggled for the words. " Doesn't sound like enough."

" Well, you haven't asked me to marry you so fiancée won't work. Baby daddy ?"

He laughed. " Let's not go all Jerry Springer on the man yet. I'm trying to win him over not end up with a shotgun in my back."

" Is that what it's going to take ? A shotgun ?" Her voice was still light and teasing but there was something in her eyes that said the question was more loaded than she was letting on.

" I figured you probably should break off one engagement before you start another. It seems like the way to do things. I'm not sure what Emily Post or Miss Manners would suggest in this situation, but out of respect for Nate, as my best friend, I thought it would be more appropriate to wait." He tried to explain, wanting to assure her that he fully intended to ask, but the time wasn't right yet.

" But you are planning on asking eventually ?" She pushed.

The elevator stopped and the doors began to slide open when he turned to her with a teasing smile. "I hadn't really thought about it." He lied outrageously. " But maybe someday down the road."

Her mother was standing there giving them a welcoming smile before she could form a reply. Chuck's smile was smug as he watched her being ushered into the living room and she threw a wilting look at him over her shoulder.

" Merry Christmas !" Elenore Waldorf gushed at him as she took his arm and pulled him along behind Blair and Dorota, who had the younger woman firmly in hand.

" Merry Christmas, Elenore." He said in the expected fashion as they entered the living room to find Harold and Roman sitting side by side on the sofa. Harold was wrapped up in a blanket, looking worn and tired and very frail next to his strong, virile partner. Chuck's eyes wandered to Blair to see if she noticed and try to gauge her reaction if she had.

He watched her eyes tighten slightly as they landed on her father, but she recovered quickly and went to wrap her arms around him and give him a kiss on the cheek before lighting on the arm of the sofa right beside him.

" Your family will be along shortly, Chuck. " Elenore was telling him. " Lily just called and said they were on their way."

Chuck blinked at her in confusion at first. His Family. He had never heard that expression before. For as long as he remembered it had just been his father and himself. Two men alone in the world, if you didn't count the endless list of meaningless conquests both men had gathered in their journeys.

And now, here he was with a family, a woman who had been more of a mother to him than he had ever hoped to have in his life, a sister than despite the things that had passed between them, had proven that she could be there for him when he really needed her and a brother that genuinely cared about him, wanted him to be happy.

He wasn't alone anymore. There were people in the world that cared about him. People that worried about him when things went wrong and celebrated with him when they went right. People that loved him and weren't there just because they were being paid. People that accepted him in a way Bart never had, despite all his failings, despite the fact that he was often times, less than perfect.

He looked at Blair and felt like his chest was about to explode suddenly as it occurred to him that he had left out a vital part of his family in his thinking. Soon, if he had his way, she would be his wife and they were going to have a child. Sitting there perched by her father's side, glowing with an inner happiness that only she possessed, was the woman that, at the moment encompassed everything in the world to him. His wife and child, for the time being, all wrapped up one spectacular package that he would die to protect.

" Are you alright, Chuck ?" Elenore asked when he was silent for too long, lost in his own thoughts and forgetting anything else existed beyond Blair.

" I'm fine." He smiled. " In fact, right now, I'm perfect."

Elenore watched him, his eyes never leaving her daughter and she reached up in a very un-Elenore like way and squeezed his shoulder. " For the first time in months, she looks happy." She told him. He pulled his eyes away from Blair and let them find her mother's. She was giving him a look of such warmth and acknowledgement it threw him off guard. " See that she stays that way, always."

His smile widened and he nodded in acceptance. " I intend to."

The elevator dinged before they could say more and he turned to find Lily walking towards him.

She immediately enveloped him in a tight embrace that a mere few months before would have made him uncomfortable. But he had become accustomed to her affection finally and instead of shrinking back from her, he wrapped his arms around her and hugged her back tightly.

" Merry Christmas, Charles." She said when they finally pulled apart.

" Merry Christmas, Lily." He answered.

" Serena told me you were trying to reach me last week. I'm sorry I missed you." She said. But her eyes said that Serena had filled her in on everything that was happening without her having to say it out loud. " I'm so glad everything is working itself out at last."

" So am I." He agreed.

He glanced up to see that Elenore had drifted away, pulling Serena and Eric along to the kitchen with her and leaving the two of them more or less alone.

" Have you talked to Nathanial yet ?" Lily asked quietly.

" Not yet. Blair's been more or less avoiding him for the last week." He explained. " He's spending the holiday with his mother and grandfather so it hasn't been that difficult. We wanted to wait until after Christmas to get into the whole thing."

" But Harold knows ?"

" Harold knows she isn't marrying Nate and he knows that she's with me. We haven't told him anything else yet."

He watched her eyes narrow and he thought for a moment she was mad about something. But suddenly, he caught the telltale sign of tears sparkling around the rims, threaten to fall but not quite there yet.

" What is it ?" He asked, concerned at her emotional outpouring.

" A baby, Charles." She breathed, then her arms were around him again and she was nearly smothering him in her embrace. " You're going to have a baby."

Her voice was still soft enough that no one beyond the two of them could hear her, but Blair obviously noticed the display of affection and wandered over to get on what was happening between them.

As soon as Lily pulled back and saw her, her embraced shifted to her and Blair let out a breath of surprise at the reaction.

" It's good to see you, too, Lily." Blair told her as she returned the hug.

" Don't be coy with me, young lady" Lily scolded her as she let her go. " How are you feeling ? Have you been taking care of yourself ?"

Blair cast her eyes at Chuck then back to the older woman. " I'm fine." She answered confused by the question.

Chuck leaned in and whispered in her ear. " She knows. Serena told her."

Light suddenly dawned on Blair's face and he wasn't certain whether she was happy that their secret was out or not.

" We aren't telling anyone yet." Blair let her know, not wanting her to spoil anything before they were ready.

" Oh, I know." Lily brushed off her concern. " I just want to make sure you're taking care of everything. This is my grandchild we're talking about."

Chuck nearly choked as her words sunk into his brain. Her grandchild.

Not only was he about to have a child, but the child would have a family like he had never had. Grandparents, his eyes moved from Lily to Harold, then to Elenore who had just reentered the room followed by Serena, Eric and her husband, Cyrus. It would have grandparents, an Aunt and Uncle. Maybe even a Godfather if Nate didn't hate him for the rest of his life.

His child was destined to be loved. Surrounded by people that wanted the very best of everything for him or her. It was the best beginning that he could hope for and all the other problems that they faced seemed small in comparison to that truth.

" I've already started taking vitamins and I have a doctor's appointment next week." Blair informed her in way of reassurance. " I promise everything will be fine."

" If you need anything, call me." Lily told her in that motherly voice that she often used to address Serena and Eric and recently Chuck, as well.

Blair nodded. " I will."

Lily seemed to suddenly switch gears and all the overly emotional stuff going on in her face disappeared to be replaced by the hard edges that she wore so well in her business dealings. " So what's the plan now ?"

" First, we talk to Nate and try to make him okay with all this." Chuck answered. " But for the moment we are going to enjoy a nice, cozy Christmas dinner."

Lily looked beyond Blair's shoulder to where her father sat bundled on the sofa. " How is your father Blair ?"

" Tired and weak from the treatments he's getting. But he seems determined to enjoy himself today." She told her with a weary edge to her voice.

Chuck instinctively wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her into his side, leaning her his strength for a moment while she gathered her own. Her head inclined to his shoulder and she rested it there briefly.

" Do you have drinks ?" Cyrus asked, idly strolling over to the three of them.

" A drink would be wonderful." Lily answered for them all.

Cyrus laid his chubby hand on Chuck's shoulder and gave it a squeeze. " Chuck, my boy how about giving me a hand ? It's our job to make sure these lovely ladies don't go thirsty."

Chuck grazed his lips over Blair's cheek and pulled his arm from around her reluctantly.

Once they were in the kitchen, Cyrus stopped and turned to him. " I actually just wanted to get you alone for a moment."

Chuck winced inwardly wondering where Cyrus was going with the conversation.

" Did you want to talk to me about something ?" Chuck asked, squashing his nerves and barreling headlong into what he imagined would be an uncomfortable talk.

Cyrus busied himself with making drinks while he talked. " I know I haven't been in Blair's life for very long. I'm a relatively new edition in fact. But I also know that her father isn't at his best right now. I'm not trying to step on his toes, I just think maybe he isn't up for this sort of thing and I am."

Chuck's eyes narrowed as he continued to silently listen to the man. " Blair is important to me. I feel like she's one of my own."

" I understand," Chuck nodded.

Cyrus stopped what he was doing altogether and looked up at the younger man intently. " Do you really?"

" I believe so." Chuck answered.

" Then you know that I will do what I have to do to protect her. Blair and her mother are very important to me. Their happiness is my priority."  
" Blair's happiness is my priority, too." Chuck told him truthfully.

" Good." He handed Chuck a glass of scotch and Chuck sipped at it. " It isn't easy for a man to admit that he isn't what his daughter needs most in the world anymore. Harold is going through a lot right now and I know he wants nothing more than to see Blair happy. You are apparently what it takes to make that happen. I need you to make sure he knows that you are capable of taking on the job." He took a sip from his own glass before lowering it slightly and giving Chuck a reproachful look. " You are capable of taking on the job, aren't you ?"

Chuck nodded without hesitation." It won't be easy. Blair can be difficult sometimes, but I plan on making it my mission to see to it that she's always as happy as she can possibly be."

" So this isn't some fly by night thing you'll get tired of in a few months and want to move on from?"Cyrus asked, " I know you. I know all about your reputation. I don't mean to sound harsh but I can't have you build something up for her then snatch it all away when it doesn't suit you any longer."

" I'm not going anywhere. I plan to stay right here until Blair decides she's had enough of me."

Cyrus began filling two more glasses with alcohol before Chuck stopped him. " Blair just wants some juice. I'll get it for her." He announced as he went to the refrigerator.

" Really ?" Cyrus questioned.

HE didn't answer as he poured the orange juice into a glass and looked back at the other man. " I appreciate that you feel like you need to make sure I know someone is looking out for her. But you can rest assured that I love her and I want to protect her as much as you do. She's in good hands, I promise."

Cyrus looked at the orange juice for several silent moments before leveling Chuck with a withering gaze. " Make sure that's a promise you keep, My Boy. Because if anything happens to make her unhappy and I find out your responsible, I'll destroy you."

Chuck raised his glass of Scotch and tilted it towards Cyrus in salute. " Yes, Sir."

A throat being cleared in the kitchen doorway brought both their attention to the man standing there. Their eyes landed on Harold with Roman standing at his shoulder.

" Well, I think that about does it for me." Cyrus announced. " I'll take Lily and Blair their drinks." He took the glass of juice from Chuck still eying it suspiciously, but still didn't comment on it.

Once he was out of the room, Chuck took a sip from his Scotch to try to still his suddenly shaking hands.

Two down, three more to go, if Dorota planned to put her two cents in and he was sure that she would get around to it eventually.

He cleared his throat and try to figure out exactly what he planned to say to the man that was making his way slowly into the room, but as he opened his mouth, Harold raised a hand to stop him.

" Let me start," He announced. " I'm not going to threaten you or ask you what you're intentions are towards my daughter. I think all that's pretty clear. It shows every time you look at her." His voice was quiet, weak but with an underlying solidity that said he meant every word. " See, " He paused long enough to take the glass of water his partner was handing him and sip from it. " Blair is my whole world. I know you're young and you might not understand, but that's the way it is. She's everything to me. I want to know she's safe and happy and that nothing will happen to her when I'm gone. "

Chuck started to interrupt but again, Harold stopped him. " I'm not finished." He told him in way of silencing him. " I know I don't have much longer to look after her. I thought I was doing the right thing in handing over the reins to Nate, but apparently that isn't what Blair wants." He sighed as if he wished things were different, but he was resigned with the way they were turning out." She wants you and I want her to have whatever she wants. But I have to know that you are the man that's going to look after her when I'm gone. I need to know I can trust you with the most important thing in my life."

Chuck took a deep breath before deciding what he should say to all that. How could he make Harold understand that he had nothing to worry about where Blair was concerned. Harold knew him. Chuck had practically grown up under the man's roof. He was aware of all Chuck's past mistakes and mayhem.

" I love her." He finally said. " All I want to do is spend the rest of my life making sure she never forgets that."

" Are you sure that's what you want ?" Harold asked, still not convinced.

He decided that it was going to take more than a quick reassurance from him to put his mind at ease and he took a drink from his glass to still his nerves. " I know you know who I used to be. I would never be okay with my daughter spending in time with that guy. But I assure you, I'm not that guy anymore and Blair is most of the reason for that. She makes me want to be better. She makes me want to be the man she thinks I am."

A soft smile took over the other man's face and he raised a hand and let it land in the middle of Chuck's back. " Well then, welcome to the family." He told him warmly. Then he leaned in a bit conspiratorially. " Care to explain to me why Blair is skipping her favorite glass of eggnog and opting for the much safer orange juice this year ?"

Chuck blinked in surprise but try to hide it quickly. " I guess she just wanted a change this year."

" I have a feeling a whole lot of things are about to change for the both of you. Can I assume that you are planning on marrying her ?"

Chuck nodded. " I am, if she'll have me."

Harold laughed like it was the silliest thing he'd ever heard. " Oh, she'll have you alight. Just one more little piece of advice before we let the festivities go to our heads. I know Nate is your best friends. You grew up together. I remember there was a time when you were kids I never one of you without the other trailing along."

Chuck chuckled at the memory of his youth spent with Nate following on his heels ready for whatever adventure Chuck managed to find for them.

" Don't what you have to make sure you don't lose that." Harold advised. " Best friends are not an easy thing to come by and they certainly shouldn't be tossed away if it can be avoided."

" I plan to do everything I can to keep Nathanial in both our lives. Neither of us want to see him hurt." Chuck told him.

" Good." Harold nodded in agreement.

" Here you are. " Blair announced from the doorway. " I've been looking everywhere for you."

Chuck and Harold both turned to her, neither sure who she was talking to. Chuck thought he caught a slight wince come to Harold's eyes when she came up beside Chuck and put her arm around his waist. It was a sad look. A look that said the older man knew he was losing something but had accepted that there was nothing he could do to stop it.

" You haven't been scaring him, have you, Daddy ?" She asked.

" No, Cyrus did that before I came in I think. We were just having a little guy talk." Harold answered, before taking his glass of water and heading for the door. He paused there when he realized that Roman wasn't following him.

Roman just looked at Chuck quietly for a minute before speaking. " I heard everything that Cyrus said earlier and I just wanted to say that it all goes double for me." He raised his glass at Chuck in mock salute. " Just so you know."

Then he turned and took Harold's arm as he led him from the room.

" I think I've been threaten by just about every member of your family now." Chuck took a quick breath and exhaled it slowly.

" Who hasn't threatened you yet ?" Blair laughed.

" Dorota." he answered, burying his nose in her hair and inhaling the scent.

" I know she's the worst one of the bunch." She teased. " I'll tell her to leave you alone if you want."

He shook his head. " No, I think I can take her."

" I came to find you because Nate just called. He wants to see me later tonight. I wasn't sure what to say to him so I said yes."

" On Christmas Eve ? Do we really have to do this today ?"

" He didn't really give me much choice. He said he had something to tell me and it was important."

" Then tonight it is." Chuck agreed.

She leaned up on her toes and kissed him softly. " Right now, let's go have some fun."

He kissed her back before letting her lead him from the room.


	25. Author's Note

Authors note : Sorry about any confusion I might have caused anyone. Somehow I neglected to add chapter 19 to this and somehow I didn't notice until today. So I moved everything and chapter 19 up where it belongs. Its' a short one but its still got skipped somehow. And the newest chapter which I uploaded toady is where its supposed to be storywise. Anyway hope you enjoy and again sorry about any confusion.


	26. Chapter 26

" What the hell is this, Blair ?" Nate asked accusatory as he held out the small rectangular object for her inspection.

Blair raised her eyebrows and gave him an uncertain smile. " A phone ?" she offered.

" Very funny." He sneered in response. " Don't you still get updates from Gossip Girl ? I would think you would already know exactly what I'm talking about."

Blair took an uneasy step closer to him and gave the phone a quick glance. " I don't follow Gossip Girl anymore because I'm a grown up now. I can't believe you still do." She lied shamelessly. The truth was her mother made them all turn off their cellphone during dinner and neither she nor Chuck had remembered to turn them back on when they left. Now she truly wished she had ignored her mother and just put her phone on vibrate. At least then she would have been prepared for Nate's anger and really she couldn't blame him.

Sitting there for all the world to see was a picture of Blair leaning against Chuck's limo with Chuck leaning against her. The amateur camera person had managed to get a magnificent shot of the two of them tangled up so tightly together that there was no mistaking what was happening. Chuck's tongue was half way down her throat and it was clear she was not resisting him in any way.

" I didn't want you to find out like this." She muttered more to herself than to Nate. But he heard her and it did nothing to alter his anger. In fact it seemed to add more fuel.

" What exactly didn't you want me to find out ?" He demanded shoving his phone back into his pocket forcefully.

It rang before she had a chance to answer him. When he snatched it back out, he let out a quiet growl as he glanced at the screen to identify the caller. Then he hit the talk button and let out a sharp, "WHAT!"

Blair watched him in silence as he began to pace and run his hands through his hair roughly. He was ignoring her for the most part as he listened to his phone call, only casting her an occasional evil glare.

Then suddenly he stopped walking and sank down into a near by chair, resting with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands.

Blair was so intent on him, she jumped when she heard a voice coming from down the long, high ceiling hallway that lead through the length of the Archibald Mansion.

" And I really have no other excuse." Chuck was saying though his words were still a fair distance away. " I love her and she loves me."

Nate looked up at Blair briefly and she immediately looked away. It had never been her intention to hurt Nate. That wasn't something she ever wanted to do. Nate had been nothing but kind to her throughout their entire ordeal. She owed him more than this. But she wasn't sure how to make it up to him.

" You say you love her, Man." Chuck said as he came into the room and lowered his phone from his ear. " If that's true then you want what's best for her."

Nate's eyes were still resting on her when he lowered his own phone and flipped it shut.

" You were only marrying me because your father wanted you to ?" He asked her.

Blair nodded but still refused to look at him.

" This was all just one of your schemes." Nate muttered. " I never thought I'd get caught in the middle of one of these."

" That's not what this was." Chuck said, walking up behind Blair but not touching her. He stood slightly behind her shoulder, ready to step in if things got too out of hand. It was a protective gesture and Blair suddenly felt more confident and safe knowing he was there.

" We never wanted to hurt you." She finally managed as she purposefully pulled her eyes back to him.

" We just didn't know any other way."

" You could have let me in on all this. I might have gone along with you." He retorted.

Chuck snorted. " Come on now, Nathanial. We all know you better than that. You're conscious would have gotten the better of you Besides you are the worst liar I have ever seen."

Nate huffed but didn't deny the accusation. " Would you have gone through with it ?" He asked after a quiet moment lost in thought. " Would you really have married me to make your father happy ?"

" I don't know." She answered truthfully.

" I think maybe you should both just leave. I don't want to see either of you for a while." Nate announced as he stood up and turned his back towards them.

Blair felt Chuck take her hand and try to pull her away. She let him reluctantly while everything inside her wanted to stay and try to make Nate understand.

Guilt pulled down on her like a lead weight strapped to her feet as she glanced back over her shoulder at where her former fiancée stood.

Chuck's hand tighten on hers and she look at him to find him doing the same thing she was. His face a study of regret and self-condemnation. He was losing more than she was as they walked away and she understood that.

The handful of people Chuck counted as his friends were all he really had in the world and the man they were leaving had been one of the most important people in his life. They had shared a childhood together, shared more than that. Nate was, most times while they were growing up, the only person Chuck had in the world besides her that really cared about him. Or at least that was how Chuck felt. His father cared and somewhere deep down Chuck had always known that. But his absences were frequent. Nate and Blair were often the only constants Chuck had in his life.

They were barely through the front door of the mansion when she stopped walking and pulled Chuck into her by their still joined hands. She wrapped her arms around him and felt him sag against her in a way he rarely ever did.  
Chuck was the strong one between them. He was their strength. He hardly ever let his emotions get the better of him. But right then he was allowing her to take control, letting her see a part of him she had only witness on the rare occasion before.

" I'm sorry." She whispered against his cheek softly.

He took a moment to pull himself together before straightening against her and moving out of her arms. " He'll come around." Chuck assured her. " I know him. He won't stay mad forever."

" You were supposed to wait in the car until I called you. How did you know to call him instead ?" She asked as they started towards the waiting limo.

" I saw the blast on Gossip Girl as soon as I turned on my phone." He admitted.

" You still get Gossip Girl updates ?" She almost giggled.

" So do you." He accused her, knowing full well he was right.

" So what now ?" She asked, as she into the buttery leather seats and waited for him to join her.

" Now its' over and we get to stop hiding and sneaking around. Everyone knows, or they will soon enough." He held up his phone as evidence.

They barely felt the limo pull away from the curb when both their phones rang simultaneously. Each reached for them in unison.

" Oh my God." Blair gasped out in surprise.

" That fucking, self righteous, hypocrite." Chuck muttered under his breath.

She read the headline over and over again as if she wasn't certain she understood what it was telling her. But the picture that followed left no doubt about what was happening.

_Spotted a very engaged Archibald and a very familiar face that certainly isn't his Queen-to-B. Didn't we just get a shot a few hours ago of Queen Bee reeling in her very own prize winning Bass ? Looks like the wedding is off for our favorite 'IT' couple But it doesn't look like either side is complaining_.


	27. Chapter 27

" B, I can explain." Serena started before she even said hello.

" I seriously doubt that, Serena. When did this happen ? How could you not have said anything ?" Blair answered.

" It was right after I left your apartment this afternoon. I can't even believe it's already all over Gossip Girl. Nate called looking for you and I told him that you were already gone. Then he said he needed to talk and I went to see him." Serena blurted out so quickly the words ran over each other, making her hard to understand.

" He needed to talk so you went to his place and put your tongue down his throat ?" Blair accused as she ignored the chuckle coming from the seat beside her. She cast her eyes to Chuck and gave him a glare that squelched any further comment from him.

" It wasn't like that. Blair. We talked and he walked me out. He was confused about everything that was happening. He'd already seen the blast about you and Chuck and he was upset. It just happened." Serena tried again. " Why are you mad anyway ? You don't even want him. You never did. I was hoping you might be happy about this."

Blair let out a breath of air in a rush that sounded like a balloon with all the air being let out of it. " Of course I'm happy for you. You're right. I have no reason to be mad. I have everything I want." She glanced back at Chuck and reached out to squeeze his hand. He lifted it to his lips and kissed the back in return. " You should have your chance to be happy, too. I just can't believe he didn't say something about this when we talked to him. We were just with him."

Serena gave a sigh of relief. " I'm sure he was just hurt and angry. You can't really blame him. He was so sad this afternoon. He felt used."

Chuck slid closer to her and put his arm around her, pulling her into his side. " I know." She whispered into the phone. " I never meant for that to happen."

" I know you didn't, but it did and I was there for him. You should be happy about that, at least."

" I'm glad you were there. Now do you think he'll ever talk to us again ?"

Serena paused, not saying anything for a long time. " Give him some time. He'll understand eventually. I know Chuck must be upset, but tell him to hold on. Nate will come around."

" I'll talk to you later. Maybe, if you aren't doing anything, you could go see Nate. He seemed pretty upset when we left."

" I'll give him a call. Thank you, Blair."

" Thank me, for what ?" Blair asked in surprise.

" For understanding. I really thought this was going to end up in a huge cat fight. Normally you wouldn't even have let me explain."

" I guess maybe we're all growing up." Blair answered, knowing very well that Serena was right.

They said goodbye and she flipped her phone shut and tossed it into her bag, before turning towards the man sitting beside her.

He pulled her in tighter and placed a soft kiss to her temple. She put her head on his shoulder and cuddled closer to him, enjoying the heat from his body.

" I just want to go home and sleep forever." She whispered. " I don't think I've ever been this tired before."

" You'll have plenty of time to sleep, but I think I forgot to mention it before. We aren't going home." He told her.

She looked up at him in shock. " What do you mean we aren't going home ? Please Chuck. I'm so tired. I just want to go to Eden and sleep."

" You can sleep on the plane." He whispered as he kissed her gently.

" The plane ? I don't have any luggage. Where are we going ?"

" Just a quick trip. I took the liberty of having Dorota pack a few things for you. It's all taken care of. Just relax and go to sleep. By the time you wake up we'll be on our way."

" But my father. What if something happens and I'm too far away to get back here in time ?" She protested.

" Blair, we'll only be gone a few days. And I made sure everyone knows where we're going. It'll be fine. We need a break and I have some important business to take care of. I didn't want to leave you behind." He explained.

" So this is a business trip ?"

" Of sorts." he commented cryptically.

" Where are we going ?"

" You'll find out when we get there." He evaded.

" Chuck ! What about my doctor's appointment on Monday. I don't want to miss it."

" You won't. We'll be back in time for it and everything will be the way it's supposed to be." He assured her.

" The way it's supposed to be ? What does that mean ?"

He pulled her head back down to his shoulder and wrapped his arm more tightly around her. " Just go to sleep. You'll understand in a few hours."

She attempted to raise her head again but he held it firmly and she gave up after a half-hearted attempt to get away again. Soon enough she gave into the warmth of his arm and the lull of the limo moving quietly along through the crowded streets. It was only moments later before she was sleeping so soundly she didn't even notice when the car stopped and she was lifted from it.

Chuck shifted her in his arms once again. He wasn't necessarily the athletic type and while the move seemed like a romantic thing to do, he was questioning his ability to get it done as he ascended the stairs that lead to his plane. He thought briefly about handing her off to the man that was trailing behind him with their luggage, thinking that the luggage was probably the easy of the two burdens, but he decided against it when she let out a soft sigh and snuggled more tightly into his arms. There was no way he was going to let someone else put his arms on her again. From that moment on he was determined that he would be the only man to ever hold her again. He had spent too long hiding his true nature in the name of love. Chuck was, after all, an incredibly jealous man, especially when it came to Blair. He had fought against that instinct to the point that it almost drove him crazy. Now he no longer had a reason to fight it and he had no intention of it. It was something she would just have to accept about him. When it came to her, he would always be jealous.

He sighed in relief when he was finally able to sit her down gently in the cushioned chair. After making sure she was still asleep, he flexed his back muscles to work out the soreness his journey across the tarmac had caused. He would never, ever tell her, but she was decidedly a lot heavier than she looked.

He grabbed a blanket from an overhead compartment and draped it over her sleeping form, tucking it around her before laying a kiss to her forehead. Her face instantly tilted upwards as if even in sleep she was seeking out his kiss and he touched his lips to hers softly.

He pulled the armrest at her side out of the way and sat beside her, resting his back against the wall of the plane and pulling her nearly into his lap. He had no idea how either of them were going to fasten their seat belts in their current position, but with her head laying against his chest and her hair tickling his lips, his arms wrapped around her protectively, he just didn't care.

Then another thought occurred to him and it was a testament to how much he had changed that he eased her back up and secured the belt around her before sliding his own on as well. He had to keep her safe, after all. It was his job now. His responsibility to make sure nothing ever happen to her or his child. The thought dropped on his shoulders like a weight. He had never been one for responsibility before. He had, in fact, spent much of his youth avoiding it like the plague. He had never even owned a pet because the burden of the obligation to something like that was an albatross around his neck.

Now here he was with a far greater encumbrance than the fate of a dog resting on his shoulders. His hand moved to his pocket and he felt the lump that rested there and it was, in a way, another weight on him.

He didn't want to believe he was having second thoughts about what he was about to do. He knew that there was no alternative for him. And he also knew that it had nothing to do with the baby. No, the baby may have played a role in his timing, but certainly not in his intention.

He had always known it would come to this between them. Since the first night in the limo, he might not have fully understood it then, but somewhere deep down, he knew.

There simply was no other way. He couldn't even imagine his life without her in it. He certainly didn't want any part of existing without her by his side. She really had become everything to him. Without her, nothing else was worth doing, nothing else mattered to him. She was his reason for living and he needed her to know that. He needed to know that she would always be right by his side, making everything worth doing.

He felt the plane rise into the air and he braced himself against the heavy, weighted feeling that always accompanied taking off. He had never been fond of the sensation. He was fine once he was in the air. It was the getting there that always bothered him.

He glanced beside him to see that Blair's eyes were slowly drifting opened and he reached out and took her hand.

" Go back to sleep. Everything's fine. We're just taking off." He assured her as he moved closer.

" I hate taking off." She murmured so quietly he had to lean closer to hear her over the roar of the plane's engines.

" Me, too." He confided. " But it'll be over quickly and then its clear skies and happy landings. "

She gave him a tired smile and let her eyes drift shut once again. " I can't believe I'm so exhausted. I've hardly done anything today, but I feel like I've run a marathon."

" It's normal." He said. " The tiredness will pass in a few months."

" How do you know ?" She asked, her eyes flitting opened then closed again.

" I read the books." He smirked. " I know just about everything there is to know about pregnancy and babies."

" Tell me all about it then." She told him. " I want to know everything, too."

" What do you want to know ?" He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her as close as the confining seat belt would allow.

" How long will the morning sickness last ? I'm so tired of throwing up already."

He chuckled. " Unfortunately, you never can tell about that. Sometimes it only last a few weeks, sometimes it lasts the entire nine months. It just depends on your body."

She opened her eyes suddenly. " Oh, God, I wish I hadn't asked that."

" So what do you want ?" He asked.

" World peace." She answered sarcastically.

" I mean what kind of baby." He laughed with her.

" The little kind. I'm hoping for a really little one." She continued to tease. " What kind do you want ?"

" A healthy one." he answered.

" Yeah, that's what everyone says, but they really do have a preference. So tell me, a boy or a girl ?"

He thought about that, closing his eyes and picturing himself tossing a ball back and forth with a little boy that had his mother's eyes and his devilish smile. The thought warmed him from the center of his chest. But just as he was about to answer, another image popped into his mind. A little girl in a frilly pink dress, again with Blair's sparkling eyes and his trademark grin. She was looking up at him like he was the greatest thing in the world. And he knew. He would be perfectly happy tossing a ball with his son, but nothing could make him happier than having his daughter look at him the way he had seen Blair looking at her father earlier that day..

" I want a girl." He told her, finally.

" A girl ? Really ? I was expecting you to say a boy."

" Oh, I'll be happy with a boy. I'll teach him to play ball and I'll show him everything I know about women. A boy would be great." He gave her a wolfish grin.

" Oh, no, I just changed my answer. God, if you can hear me," She looked up at the sky as if seeking divine inspiration. " Please do not punish me with a mini Chuck Bass."

He laughed out loud. " Oh, no. My father already cursed me with that one. It's inevitable. If not this time, then the next one. But it's a fact. Bart looked me straight in the eyes when I was eight years old and said the famous words."

" What words ?" She asked, suddenly more alert.

" He said, ' I hope one day you have a child that acts just like you.'"

Her breath caught as a look of horror came over her features. " My mother told me the same thing."

He kissed with a laugh on his lips. " We're doomed."


	28. Chapter 28

" What are we doing here ?" Blair asked as she looked out at the sweeping landscape of bright twinkling lights before her.

Chuck moved behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and bringing her back to rest against his chest. " I didn't have a lot of time to plan all this, and I regret that. I didn't want ordinary or cliché. I wanted something that was all ours." He explained. " I'll always regret not being able to do this the way I really wanted to."

" Do what ?" She asked, almost so lulled by his voice in her ear that she forgot what they were talking about altogether.

" I brought you here for a reason." He announced, stepping from behind her and taking her hand in his. " This is the business I needed to attend to."

" You have urgent business that couldn't wait on top of the Eiffel Tower ?" She asked.

" I did my best to run through my collection of the most beautiful sites in the world. I have to admit that most of them were too clouded by booze and drugs to recall clearly. But I did remember that one of my nannies brought me here once when I was little and I thought it was the most wonderful thing I'd ever seen. There is something about this place. It's like no other place in the world And that's why I brought you here. I know you've been here before but I hope this is the time you'll remember it best."

She looked at him and everything around her seemed to fade beyond him. The banks of the Seine melted away. The distant Passey Cemetery, the Trocadero Gardens, none of it existed beyond him.

His eyes never left hers as he lowered himself to one knee and brought a small box from his pocket.

Blair thought she heard a few murmurs from the crowd of people that were beginning to gather around them, but she ignored them as he took her hand and looked up with a smile.

" Marry me." He told her and she nearly laughed out loud. It was typical of him. He wasn't asking, he was insisting. His tone broke no argument and she was grateful that she had no intention of declining because the look in his eyes said that wasn't even an option. He was determined and she could see everything she loved about him in that moment. Confident, decisive, determined. He knew exactly what he wanted and he'd do whatever it took to obtain it. She had always loved that about him. There was no self consciousness about him, no uncertainty. And she would always be grateful that she was what he wanted.

She barely registered the box in his hand. The ring wasn't important. Right then she had everything she wanted, everything she needed. When she did look at the box, the huge diamond that sparkled back at her only held her attention for a moment.

" Blair ?" He said and she realized suddenly that she hadn't answered him. It had seemed unnecessary. There was no other answer for her. She couldn't imagine not being with him, not spending the rest of her life with him by her side.

" Of course, I'll marry you." She managed finally, exerting a tremendous amount of effort to get the words to come out.

She hardly noticed him taking the ring from the box and sliding it onto her finger. Then she was in his arms and kissing him until her head spun from lack of oxygen.

" I love you." He whispered into her neck as he pulled her closer still.

" I love you, too." She answered.

" I think we have an audience." He chuckled and for the first time she leaned away from him and glanced around at all the people taking in the show. " How about we go home now ?"

" You flew us all the way to Paris just to propose ?" She laughed.

" I told you I wanted to do this right away and I had to make it spectacular." He answered as he took her hand and began to pull her towards the lift.

" It was." She told him. " I'll never forget this."

They were back in New York less than twenty four hours later, once again settled into his limo as they made their way home.

" We need to talk about Eden." He announced as they rode along.

" What about Eden ?" She asked, suddenly concerned.

" Well, I'm not sure that we need it anymore." He began.

" What ?" She almost shouted at him.

He held up his hand to stop her. " Do you really want to live in Brooklyn for the rest of our lives ? I mean I know it was necessary at first, but now we have no reason to hide."

" But its Eden!" She insisted.

" I know that. It means as much to me as it does to you. I'm just not sure it's practical anymore."

" I don't want to live in the penthouse of your hotel for the rest of my life either." She argued.

" Okay, I can see how that might not be the best option either. I was thinking about maybe finding something that is just ours, something on the UES, close to our family and friends and work."

She settled back against the seat and put her head on his shoulder. " I don't care where we live as long as we're together." She told him finally. " But we keep Eden. You promised."

I glanced up at her. " I promised ?"

" You said that no matter what else ever happens in our lives, we would always have Eden. You can't take it back now." She informed him.

The memory of the conversation came back to him and he smiled. " I guess I did promise that. So Eden stays. But next week we start looking for another place."

" I want to talk about the wedding." She said, quietly. " I was thinking that maybe we could just do something small and intimate. It doesn't have to be a big deal."

He blinked at her in silence for a drawn out moment. " Are you serious ?"

" Yes, I'm serious. A huge wedding isn't necessary."

He turned to her and took her hands in his. " Yes, it is. I've seen the scrapbook, remember ? I know all about it. I intend to make sure that everything about this wedding is exactly like you imagined it."

" But it isn't what you want." She protested.

" What I want is to be married to you. How that happens isn't as important to me as it is to you."

" I just figured after everything, a smaller, more subdued wedding might be better." She continued.

" If you're worried about what people will say, fuck them. You want a big wedding and you are going to get a big wedding."

She finally let the smile come to her face. " When ?"

" Well, I have been thinking about that, actually." He said, letting go of her hands and pulling her into his side. " I know we're on a bite of a time crunch." His hand moved to her waist and rested there. " So I thought maybe, Valentine's day."

She laughed. " You proposed on Christmas Eve. You want to get married on Valentine's day. I know what you're doing."

" What's that ?"

" You are trying to make sure you don't ever forget all the important dates you'll need to remember." She teased.

" I was trying to be romantic. The reminders are just bonuses. Do you think we can pull it off ? Plan the wedding of the century in a little over a month ?"

She thought about that." I don't know. Most locations are booked months in advance and Valentine's Day is a big day. Getting everything we need will be hard. I'm not sure we can do this."

" Elenore is already working on the design for your dress, so that isn't a problem. I have a location in mind, so that's easy, too."

" You have a location in mind ? I don't think they'll let us get married on the top of the Eiffel Tower."

" I have a friend that owns a castle in Ireland." He smirked.

She jerked away from him in surprise. " You have a friend that owns a castle ?"

He nodded. " I'm sure he won't mind and we have my plane at our disposal for the wedding party."

" What about everyone else ? DO you really think a month is enough advanced notice for everyone to take a holiday to Ireland to see us get married ?"

He scoffed. " To see Chuck Bass and Blair Waldorf get married ? I think all we'll have to do is name the place. The spectators will be lined up around the block."

" Invitations. We'll need invitations. The ones for my other wedding were going to take three weeks at the printers."

" Three weeks ? I think we can do better than that. Money has a way of getting things done a lot faster than normal. We'll go tomorrow and get things moving."

" What about flowers and a caterer ?"

" We'll figure it out. We can do this, I know we can."

" Alright," She agreed finally. " I need to call Serena and my mother."

" Call mine, too." He suggested, then paused when she gave him an odd look at his slip of tongue. " I mean, call Lily. She'll be glad to help."

" She really means a lot to you, doesn't she ?"

She shifted slightly, never one for talking about his emotions when they didn't pertain to her. " I guess she does. She's been there for me through all this. I've never had that before."

" I'm glad you have her. Have you thought about your side of the wedding party ? You'll need a best man. I'm not sure Nate will be ready for that."

" Eric. I'll ask Eric."

" I'm sure Eric would love that. He's a good guy. I'm glad you're giving him a chance. I'm glad you're giving all of them a chance. You couldn't have asked for a better family."

"No." He shook his head. " I couldn't have."

She sat up so quickly that he started at the sudden movement. Then she turned to him and gave him a look that sent a shiver down to his toes.

" We still have half an hour before we get home. All this traffic is murder." She announced as her finger came to rest on the collar of his shirt and she started to gently pull at it. " I'm done talking."

He grabbed for her and yanked her into him, before kissing like his life depended on it. " I'm done talking to." He rasped against her lips.


	29. Chapter 29

" Do you have a minute ?" Harold asked from where he leaned against the doorway of the drafty room she had claimed as hers out of the one hundred and fifty available.

The castle was one of the most beautiful she had ever seen. High ceilings, chandeliers, columns that seemed to reach for the skies, and richly colored tapestries covered the walls. It was everything a castle was supposed to be. Blair was in heaven. She had never seen anything more perfect.

" Of course I have a minute for you." She beamed at her father, who seemed to be holding on to his failing health with every last bit of strength in his frail body. He was getting weaker and sicker by the day. And a few seizures had scared her beyond anything she had ever experienced. Chuck had hired a private physician to watch him constantly, but the time when that wouldn't be enough was drawing closer every day. It was the one black spot on her otherwise perfect life.

He walked into the room slowly as if every move hurt him physically.

" I just wanted to take a minute to make sure that all this is what you really want." He began carefully as if he expected her to be angry at him for even asking.

She fought to not roll her eyes. " It's a little late for that isn't it ? The rehearsal dinner is starting in a couple of hours."

" It's never too late to stop this if this isn't what you want." He told her in all seriousness.

" Daddy, I've imagined this my entire life. My wedding, how it would be. And everything is absolutely perfect. It's like it was plucked right out of my head and brought to life for me." She assured him.

" I know the wedding is perfect. That isn't what I'm asking."

" You mean Chuck ?" She asked, suddenly understanding his concern.

" Of course I mean Chuck. I don't want you to feel like you're being forced into something you don't want."

" Chuck is what I want. Chuck is the reason everything is so perfect." She informed him. " If Chuck wasn't a part of this, it wouldn't be what I want."

" Yes," He nodded. " He's spent an incredible amount of money-" She cut him off before he could continue.

" It isn't about the money. I was going to marry him at City Hall if he would have let me. Chuck was the one that argued for all this." She cast her hand about to encompass the room.

" Is it about the baby ?"

Her eyes widened in surprise. " How do you know about the baby ?"

He gave her a sly smile. " I didn't until just now. I suspected though. You don't have to marry him just because of the baby, you know."

" Of course I know that. I'm not marrying him because of the baby. I'm marrying him because I can't imagine my life without him in it. I'm marrying him because everything I do is for Chuck. He's my whole life. He makes it all worth doing in the first place."

Harold came to her bed and lowered himself tiredly on the foot of it. " Sweetheart, I know you think that there isn't anything or anyone else in the world for you right now. But what about ten years from now ? All this has to be a somewhat overwhelming. Are you sure you've really thought about your future as Mrs. Chuck Bass ? What happens when something sets him off and he starts to spiral down that black hole he always seems to find when life gets hard for him ?"

Blair jumped to her feet and started to pace restlessly. " Do you not think that watching me pretend to be in love with his best friend wasn't one of the hardest things he's ever done ?"

" I'm sure it was." Harold agreed.

" And yet there was no black hole. There was no spiraling. Do you know why ?" She turned to him abruptly.

" No, I guess I don't." He conceded.

"It was because we were there for each other. Chuck isn't the same boy you watched grow up. He's turned into something I never imagined he could be. This isn't just about what I want and what I need. Chuck needs me as much as I need him. That's why we work. We love each other so much it's scary sometimes. I never imagined I could feel so much for another person. He's absolutely, positively the man I want to spent the rest of my life with. And I intend to do just that."

" Well," A voice said from the doorway. " I'm glad to hear that. Otherwise I would have felt as if I'd wasted a plane ticket."

" Nate !" She spun towards him and flew into his arms. " I'm so glad you're here. I was hoping you'd come. Chuck will be so happy."

" I wasn't going to." He admitted as he held her tightly. " But then I thought about the fact that I'd be missing out on the most important day in my two best friend's lives and I couldn't stay away. How are you feeling, Mr. Waldorf ?" He asked over her shoulder.

" Tired but satisfied." He announced pointedly. " I think I'll be able to sleep a lot easier now."

Nate let Blair go and turned his attention to her father. " Blair's right. Chuck is great and I've never seen two people more made for each other."

" I know that now. I just needed to make sure." Harold nodded. " I think I'll let you two catch up. I have to get dressed for the dinner. It's amazing how much time such a simple act takes nowadays. "

He got wearily to his feet and walked past them, brushing Blair's cheek with a kiss and patting Nate on the back on his way out the door.

" Look at you." Nate beamed as he turned back to her. " You look radiant. You're glowing."

She spun in a circle and laughed. " I feel like I'm glowing. Everything is so perfect."

" I'm glad you're so happy." He told her sincerely.

" What about you ?" She asked, already knowing the answer. " You've been all over Gossip Girl for weeks now."

His smile turned shy and he looked down at his feet as he started to shuffle them. " It's been great."

" So I've heard. Serena can't stop talking about you."

" How is your Dad, really ?" He asked, clearing trying to change the subject.

Her smile faded and she sat down on the foot of the bed. " He's getting worse, which is exactly what all the doctors have told us would happen. He had a seizure three nights ago. It was terrifying. If it hadn't been for Chuck I wouldn't have gotten through it."

The memory of Roman running into the living room and yelling that Harold was in trouble was still too fresh in her mind. Chuck had jumped to action, casting orders to the servants as he ran to help. She had no idea how he knew what to do, but he had.

" I'm sorry." Nate told her as he came to sit beside her.

" Should I be jealous ?" Chuck's voice asked from the opened doorway.

" Absolutely not." Nate smiled up at him. " Never again."

Chuck crossed the room as Nate rose from the bed. They met halfway and did the typical one handed guy hug that men did instead of fully embracing.

" Harold said you were here. I'm so glad you showed." Chuck said as he smiled at the other man.

" I couldn't keep away. Besides, you knew I'd come around eventually." Nate joked in response.

" I'm just glad you did in time to witness all this." Chuck answered. " I bet if I talk to Eric, he wouldn't mind stepping down to usher, if you'd like the Best Man job."

Nate shook his head. " How about I'll be the best man in reserve ? Knowing you, you'll need us both. Eric deserves the title. For tomorrow, I'll be an innocent spectator."

Chuck laughed and Blair came to him and wrapped her arm around his waist.

She cleared her throat to get both their attention. " I know we were going to wait before we said anything, but Serena knows, Dorota and Lily know, Hell even my father knows. So instead of being the best man tomorrow, maybe you'd consider being the Godfather in a few months."

Nate started in surprise. " Godfather ?" Then as if a light had gone on behind his eyes, they widened and he smiled in understanding. " You're going to have a baby ?"

" In July." Chuck confirmed.

" I would be thrilled to be the Godfather of your baby. Do you know what you're having ?"

" A baby." Blair answered sarcastically and he rolled his eyes in response.

" We're having a girl." Chuck interjected. " And according to the doctor, she's perfect." He glanced down at Blair. " Since when does your father know ?"

" He just told me he knew a few minutes ago. I was surprised, too." She said.

" Well, I guess we couldn't keep it a secret much longer anyway." He shrugged.

He pulled away from Blair after kissing her sweetly. " Nate and I have a few things to discuss and I'm sure you want to get ready for tonight. So, we'll see you in a little while." He told her as he took Nate by the arm and began to pull him from the room.

" Now tell me," She heard Chuck begin as they walked down the hall. " What exactly are your intention towards my sister ?"


	30. Chapter 30

She had never felt more happy than she did at that moment. Blair Waldorf looked around her at all her friends and family gathered together and knew that there was nothing in the world that could possibly make her any happier. She had everything she had ever dreamed of and a quick glance at her side said she wasn't alone.

Chuck was beaming. He wasn't a man that smiled often or casually, perhaps leeringly, but never casually. Yet there he was, sitting at her right hand and beaming like a fool who had just won the lottery. His eyes sparkled in a way she had never seen them do before. His cheeks were rosy and warmed by an inner joy and perhaps a little champagne. He was sneaking sips from Eric's glass. She had caught him on more than one occasion. It was out of respect for her that his own glass contained only sparkling grape juice, just as hers did. It was a sweet gesture and she loved him even more for his thoughtfulness.

He caught her watching him and leaned towards her to place a soft kiss on her cheek. " I love you." He whispered into her hair and it made her heart beat faster.

" I love you, too." She answered with a coy smile.  
" You are, without a doubt the most stunningly exquisite woman in this room." He told her in all seriousness.

She glanced around her quickly and took in all the other women in their midst and when she looked back at him to protest, the genuineness in his face struck her. She realized he wasn't just telling her something she wanted to hear. He meant it, truly believed her to be the most beautiful woman there.

" I can't wait to be married to you." She answered.

Eric's hand on Chuck's shoulder brought their attention away from each other and over to him. " You wanted to say something. I think now is the time." He told Chuck quietly.

Chuck nodded before standing and tapping his spoon against his glass. When all heads turned towards him and the noise halted he cleared his throat. " I know speeches are usually reserved for after the wedding but I wanted to take this opportunity to thank everyone for making the trip and joining us in our celebration. I wanted to welcome you all to our brand new home away from home and take this moment to give my bride to be her wedding present." He turned to Blair and smiled and she was so wrapped up in watching him she almost missed what he was saying.

She replayed the words in her head until she came to the ones that brought her up short. Then her eyes widened in surprise as realization dawned on her. His smile widen when he saw that she understood.

" You bought me a castle as a wedding present ?" She barely contained the sob that followed the words.

He nodded and picked up his glass, raising it into the air in a toast. " I'd like everyone to join me in christening this Castle ' Nua Parthas'. " He announced.

After everyone drank to the toast and Chuck regain his seat, Blair leaned to him, not wanting anyone else to hear her. " What does it mean ?" She asked, quietly.

He kissed her tenderly. " It means New Paradise. It's our new Eden."

" I can't believe you bought me a castle, all I got you was this." She reached into her purse and pulled the small box from it before laying it in his hand.

He opened the box and pulled the antique gold pocketwatch from inside, letting it rest in his palm for a moment before he realized he'd seen it before. " Where did you get this ?"

" Lily gave it to me. I asked her for it. I remember he always had it with him when we were growing up. She told me Bart got a new one when this one broke. So I asked for it. I got it fixed and engraved. I wanted to give you something that meant something." She tried to explain.

He turned it over and read the inscription aloud with a hitch in his voice, " To my Husband – You will never be alone again." He looked up at her and blinked rapidly for a moment. " I thought he threw this away when it broke."

" Lily found it in his things. She didn't know about it. It was Serena that told me she saw it in her mother's jewelry box the other day." Blair explained. " I'm sure she would have given it to you a long time ago if she had known."

" I'm sure she would have." He nodded.

" There's actually more. I'm not sure if you've ever really seen the watch up close, but open it."

He flicked his thumb over the catch and his breath caught as his eyes scanned the inside of the lid.

" ' To Bart on our wedding day. Always and forever. - Evelyn.' My mother gave this to him ?" He asked.

" It looks like it. I didn't know until I took it to get it fixed."

Chuck palmed the watch as if testing its weight in his hand and smiled ruefully. " He always had this thing with him. Always kept it in his pocket."

" I remember. " She answered.

" This," He closed the watch and ran his finger over the inscription, " is the best thing anyone has ever given me."

" You aren't an easy person to shop for. What can you get a man who has everything ?"

He shook his head. " That isn't true. I don't have everything, yet." Then he took her hand and kissed it. " But by this time tomorrow I will."

Blair didn't have the first clue how she came to be standing where she was, seeing what she was seeing. She tried to retrace her steps, the put together the series of circumstances that had ultimately combined in just the right way at just the right time to make everything happen exactly how it had. There had to be a first step, something that put her on the path to lead her to her destination. And it seemed vitally important for her to deduce what that first step had been.

She could hear the music swelling off in the not so far distance and she knew it was her cue. It was the moment she had waited a lifetime for, her moment in time. The perfect conclusion to everything she'd worked so hard for. It seemed silly that this had always been her ultimate goal, her end game. Surely there were things more important than this, goals far more meaningful and vital to the world, and she had those, too.

But somehow even while she worked towards those other things, the more important things, the things that she wanted to be known for, none of them seemed nearly as crucial as what she was about to do.

It wouldn't matter to the world at large. In fact, really there were only two people in the entire world that her goal would impact at all. But to her, it was life-altering. To her, there would never be anything in her life that was as monumental as what she was about to do.

That thought did nothing to stop the shaking of her hands, nor did it help to diminish her rapid heartbeat.

She told herself as she glanced over at her father, who was standing on one side of her, beaming so brightly she almost squinted from the glare, And Cyrus on her other side, beaming nearly as brightly, that none of what was happening at the moment mattered. It was a step. That was all. The goal had already been obtained. She had everything she ever wanted in her hands already. This thing that she had to do was nothing more than a formality. It was nothing more than an announcement to all the people that knew her, telling them that she had finally gotten everything she'd ever wanted.

This thing that was happening to her wouldn't affect any of them at all really. Well, there were a couple of people she noticed sitting in the crowded pews that it might impact. But as a whole all these people would go on about their lives tomorrow in exactly the same why as they had before this all important event took place.

That thought seemed silly. It seemed like her goal should have more of an effect than that. It should mean more.

She glanced around at all the people shifting around in their seats. She recognized almost all of them. They were friends, family members, a few enemies even that were going through the same thing she had gone through, most of them struggling just as she had to reach the same goal.

She wanted to shout at them. She wanted to tell them that this was more than just her goal. This was more than just important to her. It meant something to each of them as well.

She wanted to tell them all not to give up. She wanted each of them to know that if she could do this, if she could win this game, there was hope for all of them as well. She had to be the most screwed up person in the room, even in a room as crowded as the one she was looking into, and yet here she was.

Her eyes roamed over the faces that were waiting impatiently for her arrival. She was avoiding looking towards the front of the hall. She knew that. Something inside her said that if she did, if she found him standing there, looking towards the door where he knew she would enter any minute, strong and handsome in his tuxedo, smiling with the biggest, silliest grin she could imagine, she would never be able to make it through the next few minutes.

Chuck Bass was her goal and her reward for reaching him was that she got to spend the rest of her life with him by her side. Her reward was that she would never have to suffer through another lonely night. She would never have to live through hours spent wondering if there was another soul on Earth that loved her. She would never be alone again either.

But it was more than all that, not that all that wasn't plenty enough of a reward. They were. Each and every one of them more than enough of a reward to go through all the hell she went through in her search and more. But she, apparently, got the bonus package. She didn't just get to spend her life with someone, she got to spend it with him. The sexiest, smartest, funniest, most perfect man her imagine could ever dream up. In fact he was better than anything she had ever conjured up on the pages of her scrapbook. He was everything she ever wanted and all the things she needed. She almost felt as if somehow she dreamed him up, created him in her mind and somehow through some crazy magic spell, brought him to life. .

" Are you ready, Sweetheart ?" Harold asked as he leaned in close to her and kissed her cheek.

She felt Cyrus squeeze her hand as she nodded.

Then the doors opened and Serena, Jenny and Dorota all dressed in the most beautiful purple gowns stepped in front of her, ready to lead them down the aisle.

Chuck Bass had never been the emotional type. In fact, emotions were something he had never been at all good at. Yet in the last few days he had found himself fighting back an irrational rash of tears more times that he could count. And it always seemed to hit him when he was least expected it. Like the moment the doors at the back of the hall opened and Blair stepped out with her fathers on either side of her, looking every bit the angel he believed her to be in gleaming white. She was perfect. More beautiful than he had ever seen her.

Then there was the moment she slid the ring onto his shaking finger and when he noticed that her hands were shaking as well as he slid his ring into place.

It happened again the moment the man behind them introduced them to the world as Mr. and Mrs. Charles Bass. That was the moment it truly hit him and he almost staggered from the affect. She was his, all his and nothing would ever change that. Nothing would ever take her away from him again. Not ever.

Somehow he felt as if everything in his life had been leading him to this moment. Everything he went through when he was younger, all the heartache of losing his father, of never knowing his mother, of feeling alone and unloved throughout his childhood had prepared him for this. Now he could truly appreciate what he held in his hand that was gripping hers so tightly as they made their way to the banquet hall where the reception was being held.

" What are you thinking so hard about ?" Blair asked as they entered the room and they finally stopped moving.

" I'm thinking that I have to be the luckiest man in the world." He answered honestly. " How about you? What are you thinking right now ?"

She gave him a smile that reached right down to his toes. " I'm thinking that this is the most perfect day I could have ever imagined and it's all because of you. I'm thinking that nothing will ever top this."

Then she slid her arms around his shoulders and the music began as the lights dimmed.

Vaguely, somewhere in the background they heard someone talking over the microphone. " Ladies and Gentleman, may I present Mr. and Mrs. Charles Bass in their first dance as husband and wife." But they were too lost in each other to hear much more.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~FIN~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Author's note : Well, that's it for this one, everyone. I want to once again thank everyone for all the reviews all the kind words. Every one of them is read greedily. You really don't know what they mean to me. I hope you all enjoyed this one and join me in the squeal. It's been an exciting, emotional, beautiful ride, I hope its meant as much to you as well.


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